We are not swans. We are sharks.

Just saw Up in the Air. It really hit me hard. What a movie - the best of the year, at least so far, and one of the more evocative film experiences I've ever had.

The sad irony is that this film is about a man who eschews personal commitments and relationships with friends, family, and lovers in favor of an easy, connection-less life, and that I decided to go solo to a showing of the movie at 10:30am on a Sunday morning, partly because I didn't want to be bothered with organizing anyone to accompany me. I wanted to see the movie and get it over with and get on with my day, most of which wasn't exactly spent wisely (a few errands, a workout, some grading).

The film is still sitting with me, like a bricks in my stomach. I have never been one to mind going to the movies alone; I think it actually takes some personal strength and confidence to do so. Maybe I don't have that right now. Maybe it was mostly about the powerful movie, which was very sad. Or maybe it was because it was right after the holidays, which were wonderfully happy but also a reminder of the things I don't have (a more obvious reminder than usual - little sister is engaged to be married and inheriting a family with a 12-year old and an 8-year old, and we spent much of the holidays with them). I'm now back 600 miles away and went to go see a powerful and beautiful movie about our modern lack of connection - and, let me tell you, the conclusion to this film isn't very optimistic, as the last scene just sent chills up my spine - and it's getting to me.

2009 was a great year in a lot of ways but I have to get myself together. Getting myself in shape and healthy has to be job one right now, because nothing can emerge from the cocoon of overworking, overeating and underexercising that seems to have enveloped me this school year.