My oldest friend, who I only see a few times a year, celebrated her 28th birthday tonight down in DC. She knows me better than most, and, as we were leaving, she asked me to remember the line in Magnolia (my favorite movie) about having a lot of love in my heart and not knowing where to put it. "Yeah," I said. "I know. But you know me. I don't really get out there much." And she hugged me, said I smelled good, and sent me on my way.
It's strange, but I can barely imagine dating someone right now. I've become so particular and selective in my old age that I don't want anything messing up my system right now. I've done a bit of dating this summer, but it's too hard - the pursuing, the forced conversations. I'm just not good at it, and am pretty content with my life as it is, at least for now. It's a bit of selfishness, and honestly, I'd just like to fall into something comfortable, to skip past the awkward stuff where I often fumble. I'm also just not quite in a good place fitness-wise, so my self-confidence isn't what it should be, and I need it in tip-top form because it wavers even when it is.
Still, there's no doubt that I want the married w/ kids thing to happen to me, and this inertia certainly is not helping matters any. This is the reason that I still feel like a fresh start might be what I need. However, I also recognize that this longing feeling is what generally happens around this time - the time of the birthday, the time before the students come back, when my emotions and passions have no outlet. In six weeks, the school year will be in full swing, and (hopefully), I'll be too busy with all of my students to worry about such navel-gazing. And I'll lapse in my single contentment, with only a few lulls into loneliness. And I'll blog about it, because most people who blog about personal matters want some sort of connection with others that they're just not getting in real life.
Woah, depressing. And today was a great day!
By the way, last girl I really dated in Baltimore, at least more than two dates? Just found out she's a lesbian. PerfecT.
Mets Acquire Eric Young Jr., Designate Collin Cowgill
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The Mets announced that they have acquired Eric Young Jr. from the Rockies in exchange for right-hander Collin McHugh. In a related move, the Mets have also ...
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8 comments:
I just started reading your blog through Blogtimore, Hon. If it makes you feel any better...I'm in the EXACT same boat! But my other complaint is that there just isn't any single men (at least near my age, 31) left in Baltimore! So not that it really helps that someone is in your same boat...but hang in there! :)
I didn't find that depressing at all. There's so much I could respond to/relate to here that I don't know what to say. I think that I get what you're saying and I hope everything works out for you.
Magnolia's my favorite movie, too, actually. And I listen to the soundtrack all the time. I've been particularly feeling the song Deathly, lately.
Have you seen "Notes on a Scandal?" I just saw it last night. Wow, what a great movie. I usually am creeped out by Dame Dench, and this time she was really creepy. Anyway, if you haven't seen it yet, you should. It's a good film. And I think you'll be able to relate to it in a lot of ways. You know, there are teachers in it and all that.
Just a thought, but maybe you should consider placing a personal ad. Worked for me, at about your age. I met a wonderful guy, to whom I have been married for 14 years. One bit of advice: Become phone friends first. And if I read you right, you should place, not answer. Be the screener, not the screened.
I hated dating as well, for many of the reasons you pretty much said, and interestingly enough, it was when I wasn't looking that I found my Mr. Right. We were so immediately comfortable with each other that there was none of the forced conversation, awkwardness, and all that you get with dating. It was just right, and we knew we were meant to be. Got engaged in six weeks (my mother was aghast) and that was 16 years ago. And you never know where you'll meet someone. We met at a Civil War Round Table meeting.
So don't worry about it, it will happen when it's supposed to and you'll know it's right when it is.
I sound like a mother hen, don't I?
Almost every girl I dated or fooled around with back in high school turned out to be a lesbian. I'm not sure what that says about me. Don't worry about it, buddy - the right one is out there somewhere.
If you waited until the perfect moment to do anything, you would never get anything done. You can't keep telling yourself that you're going to wait until you're perfectly fit to meet the perfect girl... it just won't happen. You don't want to look back at your life and wish you had lived it differently. Yes, 30 is the new 20 but you don't want to live your life always saying "I still have time, I still have time to do everything I want to do" because then it might become too late.
Perfectly fit, no. Happy, yes.
Thanks, though.
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