The First Annual Mystery Masquerade

Today, our department all dressed as characters from To Kill a Mockingbird, with the first student who guessed all of our costumes receiving a gift certificate to the mall. Some of the casting was easy. The only black person in the department played Calpurnia. The only lesbian in the department played Miss Maudie (because, come on now, Miss Maudie has got to be a lesbian, right?) The strict older woman played Aunt Alexandria. The youngest female teacher played tomboy Scout with a backwards cap and jeans. I dressed with a bandage on my elbow and a ballcap on, so I was Jem. The drama teacher played Dill, the fan of making up plays based on books. Our department head played the widow Mrs. Dubose, the old lady who dies "free as the mountain air" after Jem reads to her. We had a Judge Taylor, a Heck Tate, an Atticus, and a Boo Radley. We recruited a Social Studies teacher to play Tom Robinson.

It was a pretty fun day.

Next year we're doing Romeo and Juliet.

John Kerry grows some balls

I like John Kerry. He was my 2nd choice out of the long list of candidates running for Democratic President last election, after Wes Clark. Then, I saw him run a spectacularly bad campaign. "This is John Kerry, reporting for duty." I thought to myself, what an ass. Then he was all safe sounding throughout the entire campaign, a move perhaps necesitated (but not forgiven) by his vote to allow the Iraq War.

My point in all this is that if Kerry spoke like he does as follows during the campaign, instead of being all worried by focus groups and electability, he probably would have been elected. He was too worried being a thermometer and not a thermostat. Read on. Go, Kerry:

Kerry, who served in Vietnam, said in an e-mailed statement that "if anyone thinks a veteran would criticize the more than 140,000 heroes serving in Iraq and not the president who got us stuck there, they're crazy. This is the classic G.O.P. playbook. I'm sick and tired of these despicable Republican attacks that always seem to come from those who never can be found to serve in war, but love to attack those who did."

Kerry said he wasn't going to be "lectured by a stuffed suit White House mouthpiece standing behind a podium." (Photo of Kerry giving his remarks Monday by Ann Johansson, AP.)

If he spoke like that in 2002 when dealing with the Swift-Boat Crew and all the Bush Admin chickenhawks, he might be president right now. But he was too much of a wuss to fight back in harsh terms. And the people getting on Kerry now, for a joke? Where were those same folks when Bush was making the jokes about finding WMDs under his desk? That wasn't dishonoring the soldiers? This isn't much compared to that.

Anyhow, it's one week before elections. I'm cautiously optimistic about the Democrats, and while I'm not doing any predictions, I will offer which races I'll be following the most closely.

Maryland: Obviously. Today both O'Malley and Cardin were up by 5 points. I'm happy about this. Ehrlich keeps bashing Baltimore as his calling card; he's the most negative politician I've probably ever seen. The thing is, though, is that I moved to Baltimore shortly after O'Malley took office, and it's unbelievable to me that people wouldn't see what growth the city has had and how much of a better city it is - even in the six years I've been here. I feel safer, I feel more positive, I feel like we're heading in the right direction. It's only the schools that I feel like have gotten worse since I've been here. Is this O'Malley's fault? No. I actually don't think he has much to do with the schools. Do I wish he would have been more proactive, especially with high schools? Yes. Do I wish he would have done something when the BCCPSS school board decided to increase the student/teacher ratio this year? Absolutely. But, let's face it, no one even cares. It wasn't even printed in the Sun. I just want someone in the governor's office who will fully fund Thornton, and he has pledged he will. Besides, I'm just sick of all the negativity. I want Ehrlich to just go away. As for Steele, he's run an amazing campaign that has hidden to a lot of folks that he would be one of the most conservative members of the Senate if elected. I'm hopeful Cardin can hold on. Steele just doesn't represent Maryland. And don't mention he's black! Unless you're Republican! Then it's fair game to have that idiot Russell Simmons stumping for him on black radio!

Michigan: It looks like Stabenow - who was my Congresswoman in Michigan before she was elected Senator - will handily win re-election. However, our hot blonde Governor Jennifer Granholm is facing quite a challenge from DeVos, the President of Amway, who would kill public schools there. I hope Granholm can pull it off.

Tennessee: Everyone talks about Obama - and I'll be first in line to vote for him for President in 2008 - but Harold Ford, Jr also has a chance to be the first black President. He's more moderate than my tastes generally run, but I'll be rooting for him hard on Tuesday, especially after those racist ads that the G.O.P. ran against him. He's a great candidate - smart, moderate, good-looking, charismatic, consistent - and if he loses it will be quite a feat for the swiftboating Republicans who did whatever they could to foil his character in a Max Cleland type of way.

Pennsylvania: Although he really doesn't have a chance to win anyway, it will be nice to see the bigot Rick Santorum lose.

Virginia: The Dems couldn't have chosen a stronger candidate, and the Republicans probably couldn't have chosen a more vulnerable one than George "Macaca" Allen. Still, it's Virginia. This will be edge-of-your-seat. I'm excited because Jim Webb is not only a smart guy and a writer, but also seems to be well-informed on social issues and the War in Iraq.

There are of course good races in Arizona and Ohio as well, and probably a few others, but these are the ones I'll be tuned most to.

Learn the culture you're in

On Saturday, I had a table of three Polish girls. Their meal came to $29.40, and they left $30 in their bill-holder. There was no problem with the service; in fact, they seemed happy with everything.

Like I often do when I get a bad tip, I tried to figure out why. With them, though, it was easy to do; they were from Europe, and often European people don't tip well. It reminded me of a conversation I had last year with a friend of mine. I talked of another table - and we get a lot, actually, since I work in an eastern european ethnic restaurant - that stiffed me on the tip. I then explained how when I went to Italy, I researched about customs to make sure I understood basic guidelines. I knew about the tipping in Italy before I got there. I expect the same of tourists who come here. I said, "People need to learn the culture they're in."

I didn't think this was an outlandish thing to say. In fact, it's what I did when I visited another country, and it's what I'll do when I visit another foreign country. However, my friend I was with - who has a gift of hyperbole anyway - said how xenophobic I sounded. I then repeated the phrase over and over again until she went into a tizzy. It kind of became a big jok, and it's still something friends bring up, jokingly: "Oh, you know that Epiph hates foreigners."

So the three Polish girls reminded me of that conversation, and made me miss the person whose hyperbolic gift the reaction was.

doctors

Several weeks ago, I received a card in the mail telling me that my Primary Care Physician had changed. No explanation why. I called the new one to make an appointment, and they only make post-3pm allow appointments on one Tuesday a month. "Call in the morning," she says. So I call at my first break in the morning on that day, and am told that my new doctor is already filled up for the afternoon appointments. "But," I said. "I couldn't call any earlier. I had to teach."

"I'm sorry, sir. We're filled up."

"But this is the only day you offer evening appointments."

"I'm aware of this sir, but you had to call at 8am."

"At 8am, I have students. I don't have planning period until 9am."

"Sorry, sir, there's nothing we can do."

"So, you're basically saying that working people cannot use your facility, right? I mean, someone who works a standard daytime job cannot get a doctor's appointment, right?"

"I'm not saying that at all, sir."

"But your policy seems to enforce that."

Anyhow, I pretty much hung up after that, dejected and frustrated because I had waited for this mythical Tuesday for two weeks and remembered to call in the morning, just as instructed. My shoulder has been hurting me for several months now, and I need to get it checked out. Also, my eyes have been sore and I cannot wear my contacts, so I need to get back to the eye specialist. I can't get any referrals, though. I've now got to change my Primary Care Physician - based on what information, I do not know - and figure out how to get to a doctor.

And since I'm whining, here is some more on this abnormally tough Monday:

1. The school system owes me $1500 for my summer classes I took and $770 for my training trip to Philadelphia at the beginning of this month. I'm peeved that I haven't received either. It's maker me far broker than I need to be.

2. I am completely frustrated by my living situation right now. I live in a shitty house that I want to move from, but cannot afford to buy unless I start getting some of the reimbursement money and can start paying off my credit cards. I live alone and the house is a complete wreck, both for construction reasons and for my own slobbiness reasons. My rent raises in January and I need to really figure out what to do then. I don't think I'll be able to buy a house then. I think I might need to find a cheap apartment somewhere, but one that takes dogs.

3. I am feeling rundown and ill. I might need to take a day off sometime this week. Or get my butt to the gym to figure out if I'm really sick and achy or just sick and achy because I'm inactive.

Alright, maybe I'm still testy with my 3rd period class

"Who is William Bradford?"

"Actually, you know what? I don't think I'll be answering any more dumb questions. So, I need complete silence and if there's an answer to something you can't find right in front of your face on the chalkboard or in the book, and it's something that hasn't been asked in the last 60 seconds, then I'll be happy to answer it. Otherwise, you're on your own, and if you decide to talk without given expressed permission, I'll deduct ten points off your test."

Discovering a new poet

Discovering a new poet is such a powerful thing. I've just spent the last hour (apparently the hour I gained today) researching this man Daniel Beaty who I happened to find on youtube. Wow. He's amazing.

I've been writing poetry a bit lately. Well, working on one poem. It's my first ever, and it's really hard. I've re-written it a dozen times, and think about new ways to phrase things while I'm waiting tables or driving in my car. I don't know if I'll ever show anyone, but right now I'm not satisfied at all with it and have pretty much started over from scratch. I've never taken a creative writing class, never read a book about writing poetry, and maybe I should start because then maybe I wouldn't feel so frustrated. I remember Suzanne Vega once said that, to her, metaphor is for when the literal doesn't tell enough. For me, I'm worrying that my metaphors are just obscuring the truth, and I don't want them to. To write a metaphor that is there not to obscure but to elucidate... that's a challenge.

Anyhow, Daniel Beaty is pretty fucking awesome. I wonder if he's published anything. Back to the Internet... but watch this first. Wow. wow.

Great American Poet: Saul Williams

Daniel Beatty, "Duality Duel"

At first, I wondered if I could use this in the classroom. A huge majority of my students would really connect with this poem, and his use of tone shifts make it ripe for analysis beyond the obvious connections to some of the American Literature texts we teach. Then, I wasn't so sure. We'll see once I get to Huck Finn how I want to discuss that word, and how I want to counteract the 235 times Mark Twain uses it in his classic novel so that it's not just a long-dead white male giving his perspective on that word.

Either way, it's a great poem and a great performance. Wow. Def Poetry Jam is a cultural treasure.

Thorny friends and parking meters

1. A close friend and I have a deal where we take each other to concerts we want the other to see. I took him to Dan Bern and Melissa Ferrick last month. This month, he added the surprise element to it; I didn't know who I was seeing at all. I just knew I had to be at Wolf Trap in Virginia at 7:30. I got there, and was pleasantly surprised to be seeing Mississippi singer/songwriter Paul Thorn, a funny guy with a Forrest Gump accent while talking and a soaring voice while singing. I listened to his two hours worth of tales of infedility, relationships, and struggle, and was thoroughly entertained. Not bad for a blind concert. It's my turn next.

2. Before the drive down to Virginia, I worked at the restaurant all day. It was pretty busy, and I did alright money-wise, but I got a parking ticket and that soured the day a little. It was one of those unavoidable things - there was nowhere else to park besides meters, all I could put in was two hours worth, and I couldn't leave to feed more money because I was too busy. It sucks to grind out nine hours and make eighty bucks, only to see twenty-three of it sail away.

3. One of my oldest set of friends in Baltimore moved back to Michigan on Thursday. We had a little get-together at Midtown Yacht Club to see them off. It's sad and all to see them go, but I'm happy for them, and honestly I'll probably see them just as much now - they moved about 25 miles from my parents' house, so I can visit when I go back to Michigan for visits.

4. I am so looking forward today to my non-plans. Basically, I really need a day to get my own shit together. I need to go to the gym, clean the house, grade some papers, and not be beholden to anyone else for a bit. I'm looking forward to chilling at Barnes and Noble for a good chunk and reading all the political magazines I've been looking at all week in checkout lines but not having enough time to read.

Tigers lose World Series

Well, they lost. No need to put me on suicide watch, though. I think my hope for this Series died last night at Midtown Yacht Club, as I watched the pathetic display during that 5-4 loss. I was crushed, with that pit-in-my-stomach feeling lasting until well through the morning. Tonight, the momentum was already tumbling down. I felt the loss even when we were ahead. We handed a .500 team the World Series on a silver platter of 8 errors and 8 unearned runs.

The taste now is bitter, but I'm sure I'll soon be able to look back at this season for all the joy it brought me. This team made me feel proud and optimistic. Witnessing such events as Game 4 of the Yankees series in a bar in Philadelphia with 12 of my closest friends I'd never met before, all cheering for the Tigers. Seeing Magglio Ordonez's homerun to end Game 4 of the Oakland series. The 76-36 start. The Joel Zumaya 103 mph fastballs. Curtis Granderson - the best young player we've had since Travis Fryman. Carlos Guillen, the most underrated player in baseball. Craig Monroe and his clutch hitting. Nate the Great Bulldog Robertson and his gum. Kenny Rogers pitching his heart out. Smokey Jim Leyland pacing in the dugout. The season was one hell of a ride, and as excruciating as watching the World Series has been, this team brought me a load of good feelings. I'll always treasure this year as it was the year that brought us back to respectability. And I truly believe we've got a great team setup for the next several years.

Lastly, how did we have home field advantage? A 2-3-2 format only gives you home field advantage if it goes 7. That sucks.

This will be my last baseball post for a while. I need a mental break. I turned my phone off at the end and came up here and wrote this, and now I think I just need some time away from the greatest game in the world. I'll be ready to talk baseball again by the end of the month, though.

The Tigers and their attempt to break my heart

Tomorrow, when kids come up to me joshing me about the results of tonight's game, I will pretend I'm okay. I will chuckle, I will say, "I will not give up hope." But I am so sad right now that I can barely think straight. I know it's just baseball and all, or something like that, but the Tigers are breaking my heart right now.

Three positive thoughts:

1. The Tigers came back from a 3-1 deficit to beat the Cardinals in the 1968 World Series.

2. The Tigers won 7 playoff games in a row coming into this Series. Surely, they can win 3 in a row against a team that won only 83 games in the regular season, right?

3. The hitting looked a little better today, and the pitching was top notch. It's the fielding - as well as Mother Nature with her damn dampness - that is killing us.

I'm really not giving up hope. But I'm beginning to wonder if I've invested too much of myself into this series. I'm literally choked up, and we haven't even lost yet. My back is in knots and my stomach is tumbling.

This team has continually surprised me all season. I'm hoping for one last surprise.

Keep on Rocking in the Free World, the Jeff Suppan edition

It's so easy to get so horrified by the current political state. I read about the racist ad in Tennessee against Harold Ford that the RNC decided was a good way to prey on people's fears of a black man to have sex with a white woman. Where have you gone, Harper Lee? I read about our own Michael Steele, who once compared stem cell research to the Nazis, call a heroic Michael J. Fox "in extremely poor taste" for starring in an ad supporting stem cell research (which, of course, the arch-conservative Steele does not). It makes me so upset and I don't know how to channel the anger...

... until I saw that Jeff Suppan (plus a bunch of other celebrities and sports figures, including the Everybody Loves Raymond bitch Patricia Heaton and KC Royal Asshole Mike Sweeney) starring in a political ad denouncing stem cell research in Missouri.

Suppan is starting against the Tigers tonight in Game 4 of the World Series. This just makes me want to kick his ass even more. Nothing like trotting out a bunch of able-bodied athletes to denounce research that could help people far less fortunate than them, to counteract the ads of a beloved cultural icon suffering from an incurable disease...

Speaking of which, isn't it something how Republicans just hate so much how celebrities get involved in politics, yet they're just fine with this sort of ad? The hypocrisy is just unbelievable. I mean, I never really understood why people get mad at celebrities for speaking about politics. If I ever were famous, I sure as hell hope I'd be gutsy enough to try to use my position for social change, and don't begrudge celebrities (either side, mind you) trying to do the same. Except when they're trying to force their religous views on others in a way that takes away what little hope some people have, of course. Have your religious beliefs, that's just fine. Just don't force the rest of us to follow them, or to not think you're being a a despicable human being for putting your views in front of things that might help people.

So, Go Tigers! Especially with that asshole Suppan on the hill. Tigers 9, Cards 1.

By the way, the only other outlet I seem to have lately for our sorry political state (every time I get optimistic about a Democratic sweep in two weeks, I read things like Steele being nearly even with Cardin despite being a crazy conservative or see that George Allen is still ahead in Virginia despite his obvious racism)is listening to really good, really political music. Here's one thing that helped me get through this afternoon's daily reading of Crooks and Liars:

My prediction: Tigers 5, Cardinals 3

1. If I ever live with someone again, one of the things I will miss is my extreme thriftiness with heat in the winter. I hate using the heat because I hate paying for the heating bill. I don't mind being a little cold, and would rather be a little uncomfortable than pay BGE. Last year, I saved myself hundreds of dollars by only turning on the heat a handful of times, and using space heaters rather than the furnace (which is for emergencies or company or if I have some reason to have the whole house heated). This thiftiness is a luxury I won't have if I ever have a roommate or, dare I say it, a family.

2. My plan to go somewhere new for every World Series game is bringing me to White Marsh and TGIFriday's this evening. I called, and they have TVs, and I'm excited. I have a gift certificate to use up that's a couple of years old. It is not dated, so it should still be good.

3. Nate Robertson is my favorite Tigers pitcher, and Granderson is my favorite Tigers player. Nate the Great pitches tonight and I hope he does well. I met him a couple of years ago and he was a good guy. I also like that he's such a bulldog and is sort of ignored after the fireballers the Tigers have.

4. One of my favorite things to do with my students is repeat their youth/hip-hop slang in the most white, midwestern way possible. A kid will say, "That's what's up," and I will say, "I agree. That is what is up" and the kid will laugh. Tonight, one of my favorites, a very naughty kid who I taught (and failed) last year, was in coach class. He's getting an 82 so far, and he and I are both very proud. His response when seeing the grade was, "Good Lookin'" and I said, "Yes, you're right. Good Looking" and tried to pronounce the "-ing" as pronouncedly as possible. He laughed and laughed and said that I love his slang. And I admit that I do. I also love making kids laugh at me as long as I'm in on the joke.

Why are teachers such poor advocates?

I came so close to skipping grad school tonight. I was feeling like hell and just didn't think I could sit through it. The class has been poor, a marked departure from the courses I took this summer. The discussions, format, and assignments suck. I just need to get my B and leave. At least the professor is nice. Nice, but not good.

Tonight, though, ended up not being so bad. The chapter we had to read mentioned national standards, and we debated whether we should have them or not. All the blonde kindergarten teachers said that, yes, we should, obviously. I was flabbergasted. Don't they see what happens when the federal government gets its hands into education? I mean, the federal government funds less than 10% of education in this country, yet it's driving all of these crazy high stakes tests.

It's all so depressing to think about. In 2004, a poll said the majority of Americans agree with high-stakes testing. The question is so politically charged that I doubt the number would be that high this year, but I still wonder how the teachers of America do such a poor job of getting word out to the general public.

Part of the issue is the public themselves, to be sure. Everyone went through school, so everyone feels like they're an expert. What worked for me will work for all, that sort of thing. There are problems with this philosophy, but I understand it. It's not like the public is ever going to go into a doctor's exam room and tell him how to do his job. But a teacher or a school is fair game.

But, for some reason, teachers are seen largely as a whiny sort. "Oh, it's those teachers, whining again." (Or, you might think, "Oh it's that Epiphany in Baltimore, whining again on his blog" ha ha) So how can teachers gain enough clout to let the public know how public policy affects a kid's education? How many years of No Child Left Behind have to pass before people realize how problematic it is? Kindergartens now have eliminated nap time and recess. Curriculums are regimented and focused almost solely upon the math/reading subjects covered on the hugely high stake tests that are tied to funding the schools. It just really sucks. How can the general public learn about this?

Education is, after all, the #1 voter issue in Maryland. Yet I teach classes of 40 in a school that lost ten teaching positions last year in a district that paid a million dollars last week to Princeton to develop and score (except the essays, or course, which I had to score... I'm still waiting for my cut) benchmark assessments for my tenth graders. That million bucks would pay for 25 teachers for a year, and maybe give me manageable classes of 24 and a load of 125 instead of 175. All because of the need to collect data to show improvement so that funding is not cut off next year because of NCLB. Not only that, I had to stop teaching for two days, give these benchmarks - which featured at least one ludicrous reading sample that was totally inappropriate for my course - and then get back to my Puritan literature.

So why doesn't the public hear about this? Why don't teachers advocate better? Why doesn't anyone listen when we do? NCLB is up again this term. The new education chief thinks it's just dandy, "like Ivory soap, 99.9% pure". As well-intentioned as it is (and I'm a liberal but I'm also an optimist, and do really believe that GWB wants what is best, it's just the way he goes about doing it... and most everything else), it is rife with problems and is hurting American school children. And I know that high stakes testing was not invented with GWB; it's only that the stakes were raised to skyscraper levels when he passed this unfunded mandate.

Oprah Winfrey, we need you. Start talking about this. Or maybe Obama. Obama, please be the Education President. We need it in the worst way.

God among men

I believe that I could do a better job than most general managers in major league baseball, which is why it pains me to say that I lamented the Tigers' signing of Kenny Rogers to a 2-year, $16 million contract last winter. "$16 million for a guy 41 years old," I sniffed. "That's just ludicrous."

Good thing I wasn't the Tigers' GM. Kenny Rogers is a god among men.

Not having cable, it amused me tonight to see the ESPN guys - after the game - trumping up the non-issue of the substance on Rogers' hand. It was dirt, folks. Get over it. I know you need ratings and controversy and all, especially with a series not featuring the Yankees, but find something else. Like, maybe show the pre-game festivities of a Parkinson's-addled Sparky Anderson throwing out the first pitch instead of a ridiculous Eminem/50 Cent video. That would be a start.

This is making me so happy. My life is baseball and grading right now, and it suits me just fine. I'll be wearing a different Tiger shirt to school every day next week.

Pinch me, I think I must be dreaming

The Tigers in the World Series. Un-fucking-believable.

Game one is tonight. I have been waiting for this almost my whole life.

How special is this? Even if the Tigers continue being a good team for the next few years - which I think is definitely possible, considering their excellent pitching and solid young nucleus - the World Series will never feel this special again to me. I became a diehard Tigers fan when I was 9 years old (I still have my yearbook from the 1987 season) and have stuck with them for 20 years waiting for them to get back to the playoffs. They're not only here, but playing great baseball right now.

I still can't believe it's happening.

Sweet cereal

I'm a cereal lover - often eating it for two meals a day - and justify it to myself by saying that it's a basically healthy meal. But that's when I'm eating something natural, like granola. It's not well-balanced, but I usually try to eat a little protein and then I'm set.

However, lately I've been loving sweet cereal. About a week and a half ago, I thought about getting ice cream at the grocery store. I never, ever get ice cream, and the rest of my family is addicted, so I try to stay away. So I decided to get Chocolate Lucky Charms instead, telling myself it is a bit healthier (which it is). Well, lo and behold, the stuff is outrageously good and addicting, and I plowed through the whole box in about a day and a half. Since then, I've bought a box of Count Chocula, a box of Boo Berry, and a box of the food of the gods, Fruity Pebbles.

I haven't eaten it all, but if I wasn't out of milk right now, I'd probably be having one of them for dinner. Again.

***

I cannot decide what to do with this Friday night. I really want to go to the movies. Maybe I'll just go. Then again, maybe I won't.

Bring on the Cardinals...

All week, I didn't really care who the Tigers played in the World Series. Both the Mets and the Cardinals have considerable holes in their pitching and offense (respectively), and I think we match up well against either. More of my cocky players and students who were Yankees fans have been popping their heads into my classroom this week and saying, "Congrats. They gonna lose against the Mets, though" than any Cardinals fans, though, so I guess I can gloat a little bit more next week now that it's the Cardinals. But, really, it didn't matter to me... until tonight. What a ballgame. I was definitely pulling for the Mets at the end, seeing all those little kids in the stands with tears in their eyes, praying for a basehit from Cliff Floyd or Carlos Beltran. Alas, it didn't happen.

Still, it should be a good series. Detroit and St. Louis matched up in 1934 (St. Louis won) and 1968 (Detroit won), so this is a rudder match of sorts. And Tony LaRussa and Jim Leyland are close friends, so it will add to the gravity of the games even more. I read LaRussa's book Three Nights In August last summer, and have quite a bit of respect for him, too. Should be a great series between two teams with great fans and long, storied histories. Of course, I hope the Tigers sweep in four. Let's roast some birds.

Michael Steele

On the way home last night from a particularly fun evening at Thirsty Dog, I listened to some conservative radio talk show. I do this fairly often, basically because I like to try to understand the other side as much as I can, plus I'm really excited about the upcoming elections and it isn't like there is any liberal talk radio shows.

The commentator happened to be talking about the Steele/Cardin Senate race, and said that the two candidates had pulled even - 46% each. I didn't believe it, but NPR confirmed it this morning (although other polls show Cardin to be 10 points ahead still... it's his race to lose, it appears).

I have a lot of cautious optimism about these midterm elections, so I was dismayed to hear the news about Steele. However, the Political Science minor in me is just fascinated with his campaign. Obviously, Mr. Steele wants to distance himself from a President with a historically low approval rating. I do not begrudge Mr. Steele for this; it is often necessary for both parties to distance themselves from whomever is in charge. However, even I am surprised by the obviousness of how he is doing it - the fact that he is a Republican isn't even on his website, for example.

The strangest thing, though, is Steele's campaign for change. His tour bus has a sign on it that says, "A Time for Change" and this is the theme for his campaign. This is so odd. How long are Republicans allowed to run on the "Change" platform when they have been in power of all three branches of government for the last six years?

Perhaps he means "change" in the Senate, but that would only make sense if he were running against an incumbent. Cardin would also be a Freshman Senator. Perhaps he means just a chance from Ben Cardin, who has been in Washington for a while now. But even that seems dubious, as the job of a Congressman and a Senator are very different. I find the change platform to be strange coming from a person whose party is in power in both the national and the state level.

The most controversial issue in Steele's campaign is the obvious one: race. As a friend of mine likes to say, the only ones who are allowed to talk about his race are Republicans. If a liberal talks about the paradox of Steele being a black man running on the Republican ticket, it's racism.

I don't begrudge Steele for recruiting Russell Simmons to star in radio commercials supporting Steele. Simmons' spots on the hip-hop station 92Q don't actually mention Steele's race; they just feature an obviously black voice trumpeting about how much Steele understands "our community" and what he has done for "our community."

This is cynical pandering, but it's nothing different than what most politicians do. However, if you call Steele out on it, he'll accuse you of, I don't know, throwing Oreo cookies at him. If you missed that, the Oreo cookie scandal is this ridiculous story in which Steele accused people of throwing Oreos (black on the outside, white on the inside) at him during a debate in 2002. The only thing is, it probably never happened, and, if it did, it was blown way out of proportion and continued to be used as a wedge in articles like this one.

The fact is, Michael Steele is a very conservative Republican. He doesn't support abortion even in the case of rape or incest. He is in support of a federal amendment banning gay marriage. He is against federal funding of stem cell research. And, despite what Mr. Simmons implies, I don't think he much represents the black community, either, as his administration failed fully fund the Thornton Commission, which set out to decrease class size in Baltimore City Public Schools. I'm in front 37 kids and 38 kids and 175 throughout each day, and all I've gotten as far as help from the Ehrlich/Steele administration is Steele's unfunded and visionless "Committee on Quality Education in Maryland. Steele is charismatic and a good speaker, and has done a neat job of sidestepping his Republicanism, but I'm hoping MD voters will start to see beyond that.

Ben Cardin is a good man. I preferred Mfume, but Cardin had a lot of guts and vision to vote against the Iraq War four years ago when few others saw it for what it was (including me). I will be very interested to see if Maryland voters go for style (Steele) over substance (Cardin) in this election.

Long, shitty day

What happened today:

1. Kids atypically disrespectful. Even my docile first period kids were way too talkative. I need to start being a mean bastard.

2. I had to put two kids out. One of them decided to just up and leave from her assigned spot.

3. I left my classroom in a mess; there are papers everywhere and I just cannot handle my workload effectively.

4. I rushed to Towson, readied my project, wrote my bullshit essay, and got done just in the nick of time.

5. Class started a half hour late because we couldn't the door unlocked. This would normally be great, but it meant that we had to stay until the full period of 7:30.

6. Class was long and boring, which is especially problematic since I presented over half of it. I tried to make it as exciting as possible, I promise!

7. I went back up to the computer lab to do more work and printing out because my printer at work decided to die and I have no other place to print things out.

8. I walked out to my car, at the place where I've parked every class day since May, in a place with no visible sign (even afterwards, I saw nothing), and not only did I have a parking ticket, but I had a $75 parking ticket. Absolutely ridiculous. I'm hating Towson right now with a passion.

I got home at 10:30pm, after leaving the house at 7am. What a long, long day.

Thank you, anonymous student employee of the Towson Hawkins Hall Computer lab, for letting me exceed my limit of ten pages of printouts. My kids thank you. Looking back at today's shittiness, I have to say that if it weren't for her, I'd be feeling pretty helpless right now.

Just remember, the Tigers are in the World Series. The World Fucking Series, Baby!

Alright, back in a good mood.

There's no crying in baseball

I've heard it said that sports are a man's outlet for emotion. It is a vehicle for bonding with other men, and it's a way experience the span of human emotions in the safe confines of an athletic field. This is true for me. If it weren't for baseball, people at school would probably never hear me scream in anger or joy, both of which I do often while coaching. It's true that I'm a pretty reserved guy. I don't much like meeting a lot of new people, and clam up often. I almost never get angry; I'm pretty much on an even keel, at least outwardly, all of the time. I always have wished I could be more outgoing, be quick and witty, be more open. Sports, though, allow me to be all these things. I can walk up to someone I don't know with a Tigers hat on and strike up a conversation. I can sit alone in a bar in Philadelphia and get to know everyone's name because we're all in there to see the Tigers beat the Yankees. And, I'm not a crier (getting misty-eyed at the kids' graduation every year notwithstanding), but the Tigers' season has turned me into one.

If you want to see me weep (at least as much as someone with barely working tear ducts can weep), have me watch this clip. I watched it last night, and was a little dew-eyed. But just now, I was much worse (better). Seeing Leyland's Interview also got me going.

I actually tossing around the idea of going to Detroit next weekend. I can't afford it and I shouldn't - I even cannot attend an old friend's wedding on Saturday there because of $$ - but isn't this what credit card are made for?

(No, not really. I'll have fun watching the games here. I wish I knew of better sports bars in Baltimore, though. Any suggestion for Saturday night? Maybe I'll just do Ray Lewis' place again.)

By the way, I bought a "Leyland for Governor" shirt last night.

Detroit Tigers are American League Champions...

I'm a teacher, but wait tables on the side to pay off those student loans and my silly car loan ($1400 to go!). I've worked at the same restuarant for three years, and they're incredibly flexible with me and all, but I was scheduled to work tonight and there wasn't anything I could do about it. So I missed tonight's game. I received no less than 8 messages between 7:52 and 8:01, though, from friends around the country who knew how much this meant to me. I just listened to them all, and just read through the whole game thread on the Detroit Tigers forum. Tears are in my eyes. I can't believe I missed the game - but I'm so happy they won. I'm now off to try to find a place on the Internet that can replay some parts of it.

I guess there's no way I can really figure out when the World Series games are, can I? Not until the NLCS series is over... I don't think I'd forgive myself if I missed another game like today.

At least I made some good money tonight. I'm suddenly broke after that trip to Philadelphia for training, which I had to pay for and be reimbursed for. That thousand bucks, coupled with the $1500 the BCPSS still owes me for my summer courses, is making the wallet pretty thin right now. I had to break into the summer savings already to pay rent this month.

American League champions.

Let that sink in a little.

For the 10th time in 106 seasons, the Detroit Tigers are American League champions.

However, over the last 60 seasons, the championships have been few and far between.

If you were born in 1946, you could legally buy a drink when the Tigers won the pennant in 1968, you were old enough to become President when they repeated in 1984 and are now closing in on retirement.

It's almost as if each generation of Detroiters has a different set of heroes. My grandfather saw Cobb and Crawford, my father speaks glowingly of Newhouser and Greenberg while I think of McAuliffe, Kaline, Horton, Cash and Freehan when the talk turns to great Tiger teams.

For others, Whitaker, Trammell, Gibson, Parrish, Morris and Hernandez represent their World Series memories.

And now the 2006 Tigers add their names to the legacy.

With few exceptions, every great player who wore the old English D has done so in the World Series. Whether it's the Georgia Peach, the Mechanical Man or Six, Detroit's finest have been in the national spotlight at some point during their careers.

The torch known as the Detroit Tigers burned brightly in 1907, 1908 and 1909, then flickered for 25 years before being ignited again in 1934, 1935, 1940 and 1945. After 23 years of hiding, the light shone again in 1968. Another 16 years passed before the light returned. And tonight, after the torch was nearly dropped and the flame extinguished after 22 agonizingly frustrating seasons, the torch is held high -- and the light shines over us.

Now it's players like Granderson, Monroe, Polanco, Ordonez, Guillen, Rodriguez and Inge and pitchers like Robertson, Verlander, Rogers, Bonderman, Zumaya, Rodney and Jones who will add their names to Detroit's World Series history.

Carry the torch proudly and confidently, gentlemen. You've earned it.

A day well-lived...

A great Friday: the schoolday went well, with every lesson working well and at a pace quickened by an afternoon assembly. Afterwards, I headed out to Ray Lewis' Full Moon Barbecue, where we watched the Tigers continue their dominant playoff run - winning 3-0 behind another gem by Kenny Rogers. Each victory is amazing to me. I'm just dumbfounded. The Full Moon Barbecue was the perfect place to watch the game, as the beers were cheap ($2.50), and my similarly cheap ($8.95) po' boy catfish sandwich was delicious. And those TVs built into the booths were perfect.

After the Tigers' victory, I got to see our high school's victory in a football game. It was my first night football game since I came to Baltimore, after spending most South Haven Friday nights at football games. The tradition felt good to start up again. The weather was crisp and cool and it's great to see the kids outside of school. Plus, we just dominated - our team's really good this year.

A conversation with an assistant principal

The Assistant Principal came in, flashed me her warm smile, and asked if I had a minute. She asked if we could sit down.

I knew it was coming. Yesterday, she said she needed to talk to me, whenever I had a moment. I respect her, which is something that I've rarely been able to say about administration in my six years as a teacher. She's a former teacher herself, and, in fact, in a strange way, I replaced her back when I was hired more than half a decade ago as she was climbing the educational ladder that I doubt I ever want to climb.

After some small talk about the training she sent me on this weekend, she started.

"You already know this, probably, and have probably heard it tenfold from them." she said. "But a few kids have come to me and complained about not getting work quick enough. And what I want to know is, are you assigning too much?"

"It's not that I'm assigning too much," I said, "but that I'm grading it too much."

She looked at me, waiting for explanation.

"I'm frittering away at the details too much. I think I realized it this weekend, as I was going through another stack. It would be much better to have less comments and have it back quicker to them. Better for both of us."

She gave me some strategies about how to handle the workload and not be at school until 8 o'clock every night. "I notice your car here every night. I thought I stayed late..." she trailed off. Then she said, "When i was in the classroom, I never carried the load you are, and always had the kids asking every day to get their work back, too. I know how it is. I just don't want you to burn out."

It's easy to complain about administration and how things are going. But when you have an eight-minute conversation like that from someone you respect, it's hard not to feel totally supported and appreciated. Yeah, I take a long time to get work back. They have pretty much all of their work back now, but, still, I know the mountain could re-appear tomorrow when I collect another essay. It's dealing with it once it happens.

Ebert getting well soon

It will come as no surprise to any readers of this journal that I love movies, and have enjoyed watching and reading about movies since I was in middle school. Our nation's most visible film critic, and the first one I ever really read and enjoyed (and also one I generally agree with), Roger Ebert, has been sick for the last several months. Anytime someone is too sick to sit and watch movies and write about them, it's cause for concern, as the death of Gene Siskel showed a few years back. Well, it's nice to see that Roger Ebert is recovering, and will be back soon. He's really one of America's great voices, a fine writer and the foremost chronicler of world film. I particularly enjoyed this passage:

A few more recent movies also will be reviewed, but I won't be back to full production until sometime early next year. The good news is that my rehabilitation is a profound education in the realities of the daily lives we lead, and my mind is still capable of being delighted by cinematic greatness.

Midday coffee

I'm fortunate enough to have a 2.2-mile commute to work, which takes me just ten minutes on a bad day. I've walked it before, and biked it before. The ease of my commute enables my sleeping in to the extreme; on occasion, I have been known to push snooze until something like 7:19, and still have time to shower, get dressed, get my lunch together, and make it to school before the kids at 8 o'clock. Contractually, I have to get to school by 8:05, but most teachers get to school just before 8; only once this year did I arrive in the 8-8:05 window to have kids waiting outside my door, which I hate. Otherwise, I have no problems with getting to school right at the last minute, meaning at 7:50 or so, as I'm generally there ten or twelve hours anyway. I'd eventually like to get to the point where I'm working out in the mornings again, but I've resigned myself to the fact that it probably won't happen until after baseball season ends and I can start getting my ass to bed earlier.

The last couple of days, though, my pushing of snooze has been extreme. Today, I woke up at 7:12, had to drop the kids off at the pool, then took a nice long hot shower to warm me up on the cool morning. Thus, I got into my car at 7:40, which didn't really give me a chance to get my morning coffee. This was the second morning in a row, and I really felt it yesterday and wasn't looking forward to the effects of no caffeine today.

I've never been organized enough in my life to make coffee in a consistent basis at home, so I'm always left getting it for $.99 at 7-11. I don't mind this $5 weekly expenditure, as I never really like home brewed coffee all that much. However, missing coffee two days in a row really made me notice just how much I rely on it.

Luckily, I've installed a coffee maker at school this year in my classroom, and have been using it as a springboard for my often horrible afternoon classes. Today, I used it slightly earlier, putting it on right at 8 - meaning it was cool enough to drink by around 9:30. Starting my caffeine buzz middway through the morning was awesome. I was jubilant, standing in the hallway and greeting kids I hadn't taught in years. The effect of the coffee was so unbelievable that I think I'm going to continue the tradition every day.

Six more victories to go

I'm definitely feeling the paradox right now of really wanting the baseball season to be over, balanced with never wanting this feeling to end. On one hand, the yearning I have to watch every moment of every game has taken a hold of me in a big way, and not always a healthy way. Tonight, I stayed at school until 7 o'clock, grading and planning, and then headed straight to Rocky Run and met a couple of friends to watch the game. Therefore, I was gone from home from 7am until midnight. That's a long, long day, and I'm sure I'll be feeling it tomorrow.

But I'm not complaining. These games are, without a doubt, the most important sporting events of my sports-conscious life. The Detroit Tigers are winning - they're now up 2-0 and seem on their way to the World Series - and I've been waiting for it for a long, long time. I've shouldered the burden of horrible management, lots of bad players, a disinterested fanbase, and a strike. My fandom only grew through the lean years, and then even moving 600 miles away didn't dampen my love for this team. And now it's all coming to fruition.

So, I look forward to the end of the season, when I can start living regular hours, and start going to the gym again. But right now, I'm going to enjoy every minute of it.

Wow, I can't believe they went up 2-0 on the road. That is amazing stuff.

The first ever blogcriticism of The Wire

I hate to say it - and I realize that judging one episode of The Wire is like reading an isolated chapter of a book - but I was disappointed on Sunday watching the show. Not so much in the storyline, which I knew I wouldn't understand - but in the acting and atmosphere in the school scenes. For the most part, the kids' acting was wooden and unnatural. They were mostly obviously way too old to be playing middle school students, and the distracting inauthenticity of the classroom - the small class size, the quiet - totally threw me for a loop. I know it's middle school and not high school, but that doesn't excuse the acting or the lack of "school noise." I enjoyed some of the dialogue, particularly the discussion of North Avenue ("They know how to use a chainsaw."), but figured that Ed Burns would do a better job of re-creating what it's like to be in a Baltimore school.

Maybe it will all mean more to me when I watch this entire season on DVD, sometime next summer. But my dad always loved the gritty realism of the TV cop shows depicting his profession, and maybe I just can't handle it; I focus on the things that aren't realistic, and can't focus on much else. But I just couldn't get past it.

And did I mention the acting by the kids...? For someone weaned on My So-Called Life (one of the five greatest TV shows ever), I'm used to teens being able to really act well on television. It's not happening here, at least this Sunday.

Going home early

I spend all weekend at a training, returning with a new sense of optimism and energy for my school year. The optimism and energy was dampened just a little bit when I returned to discover that, in my absence, my students had overturned my sea monkeys, killing all of them. In addition, Harper Lee the betta was living in a white cloud of water - did a kid actually put something into the water? I'm trying not to think so. Luckily, the fish was alive.

After the sea monkey funeral, I'm feeling slightly better - until my 8th period class comes in. There are a few kids in that class who are just downright mean, talking throughout my teaching with little regard to common decency. The class takes the winds out of my sails, and the slightly nicer 9th period doesn't do a whole lot to make things better. I'm exhausted, and one of my favorite students told me I was redder than he's ever seen me.

After all of them have left, I look down at one of the desks, and see, "I hate this class so much" written in scribbly blue ink.

I had to the end the day before it ended me.

Destiny

Happiest man in America

I'm sorry I wasn't able to update over the weekend. There were no computers available, and the training and games were so good that I didn't even think about the Internet.

As you probably guessed, I was one of the happiest men on the planet on Saturday night. Seeing the Tigers win and make it to the ALCS was my happiest moment in nineteen years of following the team. I watched the game drinking Yeunglings and making friends with the strangers around me, all of whom were rooting against the Yankees and thus for the Tigers. I was so happy watching both those games on Friday and Saturday. We've been waiting so long for this.

Now it's on to the Athletics, who have been one of my favorite teams for a while now. It's going to be a good, tough series, and I'll be on the edge of my seat for every moment of every game.

I'm exhausted from the weekend travel and training, yet I'm at Towson now getting ready for my graduate course. "Getting ready" means writing a pointless 1.5 page essay, so I better get to it. Hopefully I can make it through class without crashing.

Philadelphia Freedom

My school is sending me on a 4-day training up in Philadelphia this weekend, and I'm finally ready to go - sub plans are made, the dog has a home, and the train ticket is bought. I'm sure I'll figure out a way to find out which hotel I made reservations at last week. I think the airport HIlton. Or maybe the airport Sheraton.

I need a break righ tnow in a big way. Kids are starting to make snide comments about getting work back late. It's all I can do to keep up with planning, let alone with all my grading. On this 4-day trip, I'm bringing a stack full of hundreds of papers to grade, plus my grad school textbooks, plus House of Spirits to re-read. If they only knew how hard I worked...

I am excited to get out of town for a bit, though. I've never really been to Philadelphia, and, while I won't have much, if any, time for sight-seeing, I'll at least find a good sports bar or two to watch the Tigers games.

4-3 Tigers win

Take that, Derek Jesus.

Even though I only was able to watch it through slooooow updates on the mlb scoreboard at school while a bunch of kids served detention, I was still able to "see" what happened. I bet seeing Zoom punch out Jeter would have been one of the greatest moments as a Tiger fan ever.

On to Detroit. It would be awesome if this is a sign of things to come.

Game rained out

So the game was rained out tonight, after I assembled a group of 7 to watch it at Rocky Run. It wasn't raining at 8:15, but apparently a storm was on the horizon, and then they postponed it - then took the tarp off the field at around 9:30 only to put it back on because it looked like another storm was on the way. Pretty ridiculous, if you ask me. At least I can go to bed early.

After returning home, this is what I've gleaned from the Internet...

1) Apparently if they would've started the game at the regularly scheduled time, they would've gotten the game in as it hasn't even began to rain yet. Atleast not hard.

2) The Yanks were supposedly pushing for the delay because they didn't want Mussina to pitch a few innings and have to leave the game due to a delay. They'd have to being in their mediocre bullpen which would make them very vulnerable.

3)The Tigers weren't informed of the rain delay. The Yanks were informed prior and the Tigers are pissed. Justin was warming up and Mussina never even left the clubhouse.

Nothing shocking here. I hope we beat these scumbags.

Fair and Balanced

One of my biggest pet peeves is the accusation that the media is liberal. Study after study have proven that this isn't the case, and it's not. Certain places where one gets news probably have a slant, and that's okay. I understand that when I read The Washington Times, I'm going to get ridiculously biased articles like 'Party Trumps Race' for Steele Foes, and if I read The New York Times, I'm probably going to be reading articles that slant the way in favor of issues like gay marriage and reproductive choice. It's the job of the reader or viewer to use some critical thinking, discern the slant, and take from it what one can - regardless of bias. Because there just isn't any such thing as no bias.

In fact, it's scariest when a channel decides to proclaim itself "fair and balanced." You pretty much just know that fairness and balance are fucked when someone has to proclaim themselves fair and balanced.

Case in point - one of the more fascinating examples of media bias I've ever seen. Heck, it's not even bias, it's just a plain old lie. It's really pretty amazing.

Zippers afraid of heights, Shoes that don't match, Unsent Letters, and God damn Jeter

I'd never worn my oxymoronic black khakis before, as they were a recent pickup for $4 at the thrift shop, so the unfamiliar way they fit around my crotch was expected. However, as I led a discussion about Of Mice and Men about thirty minutes into first period, I subtly ran my finger underneath my belt and realized one of my worst classroom fears: I had been teaching with my fly down. None of the kids noticed, hopefully, so I put my diet pepsi and notes in my left hand and covered the offending area when I discovered that zipping it up could not be done without notice. That wouldn't work forever, so I - without any explanation at all - went to my desk and sat down, continuing to lecture as I spun around, zipped my pants, and continued on my class period. Catastrophe averted, done with subtle grace.

I lived in my state of relief until 3rd period when Tanisha - my brilliant, very pregnant, 15-year old student with a 96% average in my class - called me over, and whispered in my ear, "Uh, Mr. E, did you know that your shoes don't match?" Immediately I laughed and denied it, until I foolishly looked down and realized that the only thing that my two shoes had in common were that they were black. Of course they didn't match. Tanisha smiled sweetly at me and a few other kids picked up on what was happening, until it got to the point where students all afternoon were visiting my classroom and asking to see.

I spent part of my 6th period planning writing a letter of resignation for the restaurant. It said all the right things - that I've enjoyed my time at the restaurant, but that my schedule this year, with my graduate course, with my two new classes, and my huge student load (173) - it was impossible to keep the second job. I printed it out, signed it, and went into work tonight... and didn't give it to anyone.

You see, my boss wasn't there, but I think he knew that I was upset about working for no money, because he left a six-pack for me for no reason at all. Not only that, though, Bobby called and said that he's coming home tomorrow because his Psych prof is requiring the purchase of three new supplementary texts and they're going to cost $130. He's asking for whatever I can spare, but I think I'm going to give it all to him. If I don't, who will? That, coupled with my third-to-last car payment bill that I received today in the mail, made me realize that it would be foolish to quit right now. So I left a note on the board saying, "Please, no more weekdays... they are killing me" and will hope they do with it what they will.

I will have some major shit to take tomorrow from my colleagues, most of whom swore that I wouldn't have the guts to do it. I guess they were right. But I think I have good reasons.

I did hardly anything during my shift - which was a barista shift, not a server shift - except listen to baseball and grade papers. I made $12, plus the Manager Pay Rate I'm making, and got a couple of free meals and a free six pack out of the deal. As for the baseball game, I listened to most of it (although I do blame myself for the 5-run third inning, as I wasn't listening at that point yet), and made it home in time to see the sorry last two innings.

I was really hoping to take game 1, but it wasn't meant to be. Hopefully, we can turn it around tomorrow. In other news, I hate Yankees fans and I hate Derek Jeter.

This, I Don't Believe

You know those awesome NPR "This, I Believe" essays they do every Monday? Hearing them is one of my week's highlights. Someday I'd like to write one. Unfortunately, listening to this morning's was the high point today. I'm in a foul mood that won't go away without a break of some sort: a long run, a roll in the sack, a massage, a great workout, or a cruise down the coast. With none of those things happening tonight, I'm left with just a whiny blog post. (I'm sorry. October is always one of the worst months of the school year, and my foul mood is here, right on cue.)

1. I cannot believe I have to work waiting tables tomorrow night during the first Playoff game my team has been involved with in 19 years. It makes me want to cry. I don't even know if it's on the radio. I know I've complained about the second job a little bit in my time here on the blog. However, I basically like it - I like waiting tables, and have made some lifelong friendships through the restaurant. But I'm just done.

2. I cannot believe how many papers I have to grade, and how far behind I am in school, with the complete lack of ability to stay at school until 8pm like I need to do to catch up.

3. I cannot believe how bad my Master's course is. I hate seeing a teacher struggle - I feel for her, I really do - but the classwork she gives us is so lower-level that I'd hesitate to give it to my 10th graders, and then she expects us to have fruitful discussions? I'm also worried about getting my B in it so I can get reimbursed 75%.

4. I cannot afford to keep sending Bobby money. He has a job now, but pay doesn't come for a month, and his books have now cost over $600 for this semester with the supplementary materials his professors are assigning him to buy. I'm broke myself, and sending him $60 here and $50 there is just getting more and more difficult when I'm still recouping from the summer bills.

5. I cannot believe that my gym trips have stopped completely, that I hold a membership to two athletic clubs but haven't been in a week. I feel and look unhealthy.

6. I cannot believe that my shoulder is still killing me, several months after it started getting sore. I hate going to doctors but it looks like I'll have to. I can barely do Military Presses at the gym.

7. I cannot believe I drank two energy drinks in preparation for a gym trip that I was too depressed to embark on, and now I'm all wired and will have a hard time sleeping.

***
By the way, I'm 90% sure I'm going to put in my notice tomorrow at the restaurant. I can be talked into staying - they'd have to guarantee me just Sundays for the rest of the semester - but I'm not sure if they'd want to.

Whine, complain, and justify

If someone had told me in April that the Tigers would win 95 games and make the playoffs, I would have been thrilled. As it is, I'm trying to tell myself that, because it's the only solace I have after seeing them swept by the hapless KC Royals to end the year and not win the division title.

All in all, it's not that bad. I actually think I'd rather play the Yankees than the A's, and it will sure be sweet if we can beat them. But the momentum is not on our side. But neither is it for the Yankees, who lost their final series and lost Randy Johnson.

Unfortunately, I have to work on Tuesday night, for the opening game, for the first playoff game I really care about in 19 years. I wish I could figure out a way to watch it anyway. I'm quite sure the job will be completely dead. Maybe I'll bring in a radio or something. It makes me so angry that I'll be missing it.

I hate the second job lately. No matter what day I work, I can think of hundreds of other things I should be doing. I still like everyone I work with, but mentally I'm done. Today, I very intentionally gave a dirty look to a lady who decided it would be appropriate to leave me $25 for a $22.68 bill. It was a look of pure hatred, and I hope she noticed. I'm not sure how someone can be that absolutely condescending, belittling, and cheap to hand me the bill holder, smile, and say "keep the change" when the change is only a 10% tip. I was a damn good server for her, too. Stupid bitch.

And, that, folks, is why I probably shouldn't be waiting tables much longer. Even though I made one nice tip today, I still focus on the cheap bastards who haven't learned the rules of tipping or don't notice how hard I'm working or are comletely oblivious to everyone else in the world except themselves. The good moments are happening far more infrequently than the bad moments. At least, today, I made about $50 for 4 hours of work. Still, it has always been my goal to keep the second job until I paid off my car (I owe $1800 more). I'm not sure if I'm going to make it. I'm just too miserably busy this year.

Speaking of whining, I want to say that I really hate my graduate course this semester. It just hasn't gotten better. Every Sunday, I'm left reading horrible shit about curriculum development that doesn't interest me much, and then I have to rattle off a BS essay every Monday sometime when all I really want to be doing is grading papers for my students. After loving my two summer courses, this course is horrible.

Limping

The Tigers are limping into the playoffs, playing like scared little children. I hope it's not a sign of things to come.