Friday, June 30, 2006

Come together, right now, over me

It's rare when things work out this way, but the following has occurred:

1. I'm relieved and ready to celebrate after a fairly tough project/presentation that is finally over!

2. I'm well-rested on account of the afternoon nap I took.

3. I'm feeling good about myself on account of working out in 6 of the last 7 days.

4. I'm feeling social and ready to engage in some debauchery.

5. I have the night off from waiting tables.

6. Caleb Stine and the Brakemen, the best band in Baltimore, are playing at Waterfront Hotel in Fell's Point tonight. The lead guitarist is a friend of mine. Heck, Caleb is a friend of mine.

Therefore, I'm heading out there in a few minutes to enjoy the evening. I might even spring for dinner for myself. The Waterfront has a seared catfish salad that I've always wanted to try.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Harper Lee news

As many of you probably know already, not only has the first ever biography of Harper Lee just been published, but she has just gone out and published her first work since 1965, a small article/letter for the current issue of Oprah Winfrey's "O" magazine. I haven't seen the article yet, but I've seen a bunch of quotes from it - it's about reading. The whole issue is about reading, and I've heard some good things about an article by Toni Morisson about reading for pleasure vs. the art of reading.

You can check out an article about it here: Harper Lee comes out of retirement for Oprah

Just as interesting is an article in "Slate" magazine called "On First Looking Into Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird", which is sort of a response into the New Yorker pan of TKAM - and somehow manages to relate Harper Lee and Spike Lee together. Interesting read - it's here.

After all those summer reading plans, I've read nothing of what I said I would. So far, I've read the aforementioned Lee Biography ("Portrait of a Mockingbird"), "Dispatches from the Edge" (Anderson Cooper), "Dreaming in Cuban" (Garcia), and I'm halfway done with "The Long Way Down" by Nick Hornby. That's in between a lot of reading and writing for my two MAT courses.

Things I have to read for the rest of the summer:

1. The Great Gatsby, Fitzgerald
2. Drift: A Novel, Martinez
3. Yellow Raft on Blue Water, Dorris
4. The Catcher in the Rye, Salinger
5. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Twain
6. A Lesson Before Dying, Gaines
7. Into the Wild, Kraukeur
8. The Scarlet Letter, Hawthorne
9. Great American Short Stories, Dover
10. Their Eyes Were Watching God, Hurston
11. The Autobiography of Malcolm X, w/ Alex Haley
12. Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass
13. How to Read Literature Like a Professor, Foster
14. Gathering of Old Men, Gaines
15. Nectar in the Sieve, Markandaya
16. Watership Down, Adams
17. When I Was Puerto Rican, Santiago
18. The Corner, Simon and Burns
19. The Women of Brewster Place, Naylor
20. My Jim, Rawles
21. The Devil in White City, Larson

#1-12 are Re-reads for school
#13-20 are Reads for school because I'm thinking of adding them to curriculum or extra-credit lists (except #18, which I just want to finish finally)
#21 is my teacher book club

I've got my work cut out for me!
It's the second week of summer vacation and I still haven't had a beer. Tonight would be the perfect night for a cold beer. Hmmmm.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Continued attacks on Baltimore City Public Schools

The governor didn't use O'Malley's name in his brief announcement speech, but he attacked the mayor, calling him a whiner and promising a sustained attack on the failures of Baltimore City schools. (From here.)

God, I hate that guy. First of all, the mayor has very little to do with the schools, and, in fact, it could be argued that he and the governor have equal hands in the schools; after all, both jointly appoint the school board. The Ehrlich- and O'Malley- appointed school board is called by one politician to be "improving" and one politician to be "horrific." Second of all, Baltimore City schools have a lot of good going on that always seems to be ignored. Third of all, Ehrlich has continually denied to fund the Thornton Commission report, which found that Baltimore City Public Schools were being unfairly shafted in funding. Fourth, the only visible state program our school has had during Ehrlich's term was a very sneaky abstinence-only sex ed program that proclaimed itself to be about self-esteem.

One of the things we've studied in my Master's class is the 1983 speech given by Reagan that proclaimed American public schools in jeopardy and far behind the rest of the world. I remember hearing about that, and I was only in the 2nd grade. I specifically remember a crotchedly old substitute teacher we had who yelled at us, "I see now why we're so behind the Japanese in everything! You guys don't know how to act!"

However, the Japanese really weren't ahead of us in everything. In fact, they only test their top 25% of students, while we test all of ours. The speech fabricated statistics, told only partial truths, and in general was a load of BS. The thing about it is, it benefits no one to say our public schools are doing a good job. During that particular time period, Reagan was attempting to get the things he felt were important into the schools - prayer, for example, as well as eliminating the Department of Education altogether (gosh, if he had done that, maybe we wouldn't be in this NCLB mess right now), so it was good for him and the rest of the right to make the schools look bad. The liberals felt that even though the report was factually inaccurate, at least it would focus some attention and resources on schools and bring about some much-needed school reform. Unfortunately, the strategy backfired, and the report stuck in the public's minds.

But it's a good example of how public education becomes a whipping boy for both sides. Heck, the NCLB was a product of that - it benefits neither side wanting reform to make schools look good, and thus we now have this unfunded, mediocrity-breeding mandate. This situation in Maryland reminds of that now. Baltimore City Public has its problems, sure, but find a large urban school district that doesn't. And you never hear about the good things - like the way that the small high schools have increased student achievement, about how Baltimore City boasts the highest African American graduation rate of any large urban school district, about how four high schools in the system can give a kid an education that matches any private school education, about how test scores in the elementary and middle schools are steadily rising (high school results aren't out yet this year). No, we only hear about how Bonnie Copeland decided to leave after three years, which is the average tenure for CEOs of superintendents around the country. We only hear about the bad test scores at some schools and other problems of the system.

It benefitted Duncan to make the Baltimore City Schools look bad, and it will benefit Ehrlich throughout the campaign. I guess since he's got nothing positive to stand on from his four years as governor, that this will have to do.

Midterms and travel

Today was the day of the midterm. It was the first test I've taken in quite a long time, but it didn't stress me out much. As she said, it was more of a formality than anything. It was done on the computer, and we got to type out the answers and print it out, which meant me and my 100-word-a-minute hands got done first in the class.

She's giving us next week off, meaning the only thing I have on my plate in the immediate future is my other course - the intensive daily one. I've had to come up with a problem at my school, conduct a research literature review about it, conduct interviews about it, then propose a solution. My presentation is Friday and the paper is due on Wednesday. Then, that course will be over. I'm hoping for an A in each course I'm taking so I'm going to really put a lot of work into this paper over the next few days.

In other news, I found a flight home to Michigan for just $143 last night. I leave on Friday, July 21 and return on Tuesday, August 1. I had plans to drive the ten hours up there, but I just couldn't pass up the deal. On Friday, I hope to see the Toledo Mudhens play. On Saturday and Sunday, I'll be seeing two Tigers games. On Monday, I'll be spending the day at Michigan State and hanging out with both the grandparents and college friends. And on Tuesday, I'll be going to South Haven, where I'll be spending a week or so on Lake Michigan beaches and my parents' boat with a book. Then, it's back to school on August 2 for incoming freshmen orientation, then up to Columbus on August 5 for my friends' wedding, then back down here on August 6 for more orientating. The rest of the summer is mapped out.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Living the classes

I just took a nearly three-hour nap. I know this will probably not be a cure for the insomnia I seem to have after I finish big projects for school - last night, I finished at 1, but couldn't sleep until 2:30 - but I'm hoping it helps with the exhaustion I felt. Luckily, I'm in a class where all of us are teachers pushing 30, and we're all a bit overwhelmed, especially those of us taking two courses at once. So I'm not alone. This class finished up on July 3 or July 5 - the professor hasn't decided when she'll get through all the material she has to cover - and afterwards, I'll have earned the first three credits at Towson for my MAT. Then, I'll have 16 of 34 completed. After July 19, when my other class finished, I'll have 19 of 34 completed. After the fall, I'll have 25, then after the spring I'll have 28, and by next summer it'll be all done.

I'm still basically enjoying the course. I'm learning a lot, which I love, and the prof has eased up on some of the work. Today, the professor printed out a special article for me because of my passion for urban education, and I thought that was really sweet. Besides our discussion today on the achievement gap and mainstreaming kids, we had the added topical benefit of the Warren Buffet and Bill Gates money exchange. It's so inspiring to hear Buffet say he wants to make the world a better place with his billions rather than just leave it for his kids. He says that anyone who leaves this planet without making it a better place is a failure. This is certainly something that he's been afforded the luxury of saying since he's a billionaire, but it's still something that I ascribe to in how I live my life, and it made me happy to hear someone else say the same thing. It really bugs me to hear someone be cynical about this, which I've heard a lot today on the radio. He's doing something to make the world a better place. Yes, he's rich. But, still is that what you're doing with your life?

And Bill Gates does good things with his money, at least from a teacher in the BCPSS' perspective, including a 12 million dollar donation to Baltimore City Public Schools a few years back and a $187,000 contribution just last December.

In other fascinating news, I have one pair of underwear left and have been driving around with my laundry for about a week. Today's nap might have eaten up the lone free three hours that I need for laundry that I'll get. Unless I want to miss Roger Clemens' return tonight against my Tigers. Dilemmas, dilemmas.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Peeing, Tigers, Devil

It's 9:27 pm, and I really haven't started writing my literature review for my big school project, which is due in the morning. I'm outlining it in my head during the 25 times I need to pee during any given day (today, I'm at 17, and, yes, I'm thinking about seeing a doctor about it, and, yes, it might just be because I drink water by the gallon, and, yes, I'm still a little concerned that it might be some sort of diabetic thing because it runs in my family, and, yes, I consider myself in pretty good shape at the moment but I know that diabetes can still come, and, no, I'm not getting myself worked into a tizzy just thinking about it a bit, and, yes, I still go two or three times every night, and, yes, this is probably why I wet the bed until I was nearly 12 years old), and I think once I get started, it will go just fine.

In the meantime, I'm watching the Tigers get their 52nd win of the season against the Astros. They are leading all of baseball in wins right now, and, in fact, have the best 77-game record of any team in all of baseball for at least the last five years! They're also in the division that, for the first time since leagues were put into divisions in 1969, has two clubs at the 49-win mark by game 75. Ugh. They should be racking up a five- or ten-game lead by now, but they're in the toughest division in baseball since 1969. (Or, at least, toughest at the top at this point in the season.)

Anyhow, I think it's about time that people start paying attention and for me to start getting cocky. I have made my tattoo my profile photo; that is part of my newfound cockiness. If I had known that getting the long planned tattoo would result in a first place year, then I would have done in back in 1995. I have been religiously faithful ever since 1987, the last year they were good, and it's finally paying off.

Lastly, I added some links to favorites below, including a link to Caleb Stine and the Brakemen, Baltimore's best band. Below, I'm posting a direct link to my favorite song off their new CD, "Devil," along with some partial lyrics.

Devil

She went off and found God
and I think that I found Satan
He was waiting in my mouth
for a chance to jump out
and turn my loving into hating

All those words they weren't mind
I'd never stoop to that level
When she tried to resist
I used my fist
It must have been the devil

If I was a weaker man
I'd blame this whiskey in my hand
Late at night, it's plain to see
There's no devil, it's just me

Dogs and cats and thunderstorms

Holden turned six this month. That's middle aged for a big dog, maybe even past middle age. You'd think that by this time, he'd have figured out that thunder and lightning are natural phenomena and not something to be terrified of. Not only has he not figured that out, it has gotten worse with age. It used to be, he'd crouch underneath the desk, cowering. Now, he's found a spot under the stairs in the basement. The first time he went there, Bobby and I ran around the house, calling him, wondering where he was. We finally found him, terrified, under the stairs. He's continued to head underneath there at the first approach of thunder or rain this storm season. Last night, after the storm (but before it stopped raining), I made him come out of there for a bit, but he just ran back downstairs when I turned my head.

It's so strange to me that he's so scared, and that it's gotten worse. It's also interesting to me, because I think his fear of storms - and dogs' fear of storms in general - is proof that dogs have a sense of their own mortality. The fear that Holden feels is the worst fear I've ever seen him experience; I was hugging him last night as he quiverred uncontrollably, and it wasn't even thundering out. He is scared to death, or maybe he's scared of death.

It's also interesting to me that to the cat, the storm is like a usual day. If anything, he was more lazy than usual. He just sits on his chair, rolling over and meowing at me when I walk by, the storm the farthest thing from his mind. I wonder what Holden senses that Tobey doesn't. I don't have enough experience with cats to know if this is a cat thing or not, but I just find it interesting.

Unlike this entry, probably.


In calmer times.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

No Child Left Behind Position Paper

When No Child Left Behind was discussed and passed during the school year of 2001-2002, I was too busy being a first-year teacher to pay as much attention as I should have. At that time in my educational career, I had vague concerns about standardized testing, which I knew was a cornerstone of NCLB, but was hopeful that the bipartisanship with which it passed would yield positive results for students. In addition, I knew that much of the focus of the act was on students with low incomes, disabilities, or native languages other than English, and this is something about which I am passionate. However, further review of NCLB reveals that though well-intentioned in some ways, the act is deeply flawed and breeds mediocrity rather than accountability.

The major problem that NCLB brings with it is the focus on standardized testing. Although is ostensibly gives states freedom to test students however it wants, the desire for schools to meet Adequate Yearly Progress (AYP) gives districts an incentive to aim low when writing the tests. This is clearly illustrated with a comparison between standardized tests in Texas and Maryland. In Texas, 91% of students passed the 8th grade Texas reading test in 2001, while only 27% of students passed the state reading test in Maryland. However, when both students were compared using the National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP), Maryland students consistently outperform Texas students. Thus, the ostensible success of the Texas reading program seems more a function of an easy test rather than true knowledge.

Because of this, states have a motive to make their tests easier so that their scores on tests look better. This is unfortunate, because, as I have seen in my own school, it involves dumbing down the curriculum so that students do well. In my 9th grade English class, I have some flexibility with my curriculum. However, because of the focus on test scores in the HSA (which, though not a direct result of NCLB, it is our school’s main factor in determining AYP, and thus are strongly emphasized), I am forced to ask my students master a 27-line Brief Constructed Response or a 5-paragraph personal Extended Constructed Response. Despite my best efforts, focus on this regimented, formulaic writing takes away from instructional time that align more with my school’s college preparatory mission for our students. For example, I often cannot provide instruction about how to write an analytic literary essay until the second semester, after the 27-line BCR is mastered. A 27-line BCR is not the worst piece of writing in the world – indeed, it can be a useful tool for a concise piece of analysis – but the fact that the state does not score any writing beyond line 27 flies in the face of other efforts I have with students to elaborate and prove their thoughts in writing.

These complaints might seem to be more relevant at the MD State of Education’s doorstep, and not NCLB’s. However, prior to NCLB, these tests were seen merely as mildly annoying time fillers by many faculty members at my school. Our kids did just fine, for the most part, and we were able to concentrate on just preparing these kids for good colleges. However, NCLB has made the HSA a high-stakes test, and out 90% scores better go up every year or else we will be criticized. This change in focus has forced our English curriculum to ensure that those last 5-10% of the students who were not passing the English HSA without much specific HSA instruction are now passing, and this comes at the detriment of instruction about how to write the type of analytic essays students will need to excel at later in Advanced Placement, International Baccalaureate, or college courses. In addition, Baltimore City Public Schools has jumped in, forcing schools to take an additional quarterly benchmark that further takes focus away from higher-level thinking and curricular goals. The state and the district seem so scared and are bowing to the pressure of NCLB, despite its dubious effect on kids’ education.

The dumbing down of standards under the threat of high-stakes testing could lead schools to try to force out or segregate lower-performing students, whether they are of a certain economic group, learning style, or race. By the same token, if teachers know that the working conditions in trying to get low-performing students to pass NCLB-spawned high stakes tests, then they may be less likely to get a job teaching students who may need it most. For example, my college roommate teaches at an alternative middle school in Florida. The school focuses on students who have been kicked out of middle schools in the area because of behavior problems. He says he loves his job, because he sees such growth and development in the kids, and sees it as a success if the kids learn study skills necessary for high school. However, according to NCLB, the school fails to make AYP, and, because of this, the Florida Department of Education (which has tried to be one step ahead of NCLB by taking over schools that fail to make AYP) is taking over the school next year. He and all his colleagues had to re-apply for their jobs, and next year promises to be a great challenge, and it’s simply because this alternative ed Title I school, in which the majority of the students have learning disorders, difficulties, or IEPs – is scored on the same test as other schools in the district. NCLB admirably attempts to combat the “soft bigotry of low expectations,” but it fails to recognize that one size doesn’t necessarily fit all.

Both mine and my Florida friend’s are very specific situations, but criticisms of NCLB should probably be much broader. The main focus should be on the standardized testing. In and of itself, standardized testing is a very limited way of determining student achievement. Objective multiple choice and writing prompt tests may not assess what a student has learned, but rather how well s/he can take a test on a particular day. With most tests, it is dependent on how a student performs in one particular day, and there are many variables in the testing circumstances that may hinder objective assessment. However, this has long been an issue in education. The problem with NCLB is much more dramatic – it is not a longitudinal study, and any real measure of a school’s success should be centered on a student’s growth. How much did Johnny learn going from the 3rd grade to the 4th grade? It seems clear that NCLB’s practice of testing a different group of kids every year yields much less data about a school’s performance than a longitudinal study would yield.


I could go on and on about certain aspects of the NCLB. The fact that NCLB is (to use politicians' words) an unfunded mandate should also draw significant criticism. It is frightfully expensive to even fund all those tests and the scoring of them, let alone giving schools the tools and resources needed to increase scores. In addition, the focus on reading, writing, and math has led to much less focus on social studies, the arts, and foreign languages – all of which are detrimental to our students, making them less rounded individuals and formulaic thinkers.

On the positive side, I am pleased that NCLB has made educational policy part of our national conversation. My teaching mentor, a 13-year veteran and an amazing teacher, tells me that this is the first time in his career that education has been such a focus of discussions and politicians throughout the United States. He tells me that it’s easy to kick around, and it deserves it for the most part, but at least people are talking about education and schools. I agree, for the most part, and believe the George W. Bush steered the act with his best intentions. Still, any national education act that fails to address class size, course load, teacher salary, or the huge gap in resources between public schools in rich areas and in poor or urban areas exceedingly fails to concentrate on most of the main concerns of American education.

Week 2 of the summer recap

My life is pretty boring these days. I go to class non-stop during the week, get my workout in in between the two classes, play a lot of softball or watch a lot of baseball in the evenings, and work on the weekends. This past week was mostly a success. I got a perfect score on my No Child Left Behind Paper. I got a 17/20 on my second research study review in my Educational Research class because I screwed up on APA formatting. Oops. I worked out every day except for Friday, when I went to the gym, did one set of bench presses, felt a dull pain in my right shoulder, and left without finishing my workout. The shoulder pain is a bit of a concern lately, and I think I might have to see a doctor. I'm worried it's something to do with my rotator cuff, although I can't isolate whether the problem is all the batting practice I threw this spring or weightlifting. I can still weightlife, but certain exercises cause me pain. I think I'm at an age now where I can determine the difference between good pain and bad pain, and this feels bad, so I've been letting up on those excercises and doing some icing down and web research on what it might be. I'm sure I'll be posting more enthralling news about my right shoulder as time goes on.

The weekend at work was long. Last night, I had three tables. The first was a very nice couple who chatted with me like crazy about life in Baltimore and the restaurant. The other was two ladies who saw my book (Dreaming in Cuban by Christina Garcia) in my apron pocket and proceeded to talk with me about teaching and Baltimore youth. I always love it when I can get tables into a conversation with me. First of all, I really like talking to people, and secondly, the tip is usually good. The third table was a table of 14 middle-aged gay men. They were very stereotypical gay men, complete with Harvey Feirstein voices and highlighted hair. I enjoyed waiting on them, and afterwards they told me that they go out as a group once a month and I was the best server they've had. However, I had the dilemma about whether to add an automoatic gratuity of 18% or not. They rang up a bill of $420, so the tip was $80 or so, and I decided to go ahead and grat it and risk not getting the 20%+ that I could have gotten. This was even riskier because gay men tend to tip well. However, I ended up being glad that I added the automatic gratuity because four of them left before the whole bill was paid and the rest of the guys argued amongst themselves about getting the total correct. Initially, they ended up $22 short and had to scrape together more money to get the entire amount. Therefore, good move in grat-ing them.

Today was a sweaty brunch shfit. I sweated profusely both Saturday and Sunday at work, and today may have been the worse day. Running all the food and dishes up and down apparently takes its toll, because I felt like I ran a marathon after my shift. I only made about $45 today for my troubles, and it didn't feel worth it.

And, fraqkly, I'm a little tired of all these storms. I already don't think I can ride my bike up to Towson tomorrow morning because I'm still a little skittish about driving with traffic even when it's not slick and wet outside.
The Detroit Tigers are the first to 50 wins in all of baseball.

According to Baseball Prospectus, they have an 84% change of making it to the playoffs (the best chance in all of baseball).

I'm so happy.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Kristin Plater video

I didn't pull an all-nighter, but I'm still pretty exhausted, and skipped my daily post-class gym trip in favor of a nap. But I returned home to discover that my friend Kristin Plater has finally made at least a partial recording of "The Conan Song," which has been stuck in my head for a couple of years now. The video is cut off halfway through and the quality of sound is a little poor, but the video, song, and Kristin are all mesmorizing. Check her out, then go buy her CD at CD Baby.


Get this video and more at MySpace.com

Thursday, June 22, 2006

I'm too old to pull an all-nighter

The restaurant where I work made $195 total for the day. $69 of that was in the morning, meaning total sales during my shift were just $135. I was barista, meaning I made 20% of the server's tips. Therefore, I made $8 tonight, working over the span of six hours. Yup, that sucks. It especially sucks because I have my project proposal due tomorrow, and that's going to be several hours of work, and I barely have a start to it. This means I will be pulling what could amount to an all-nighter, or nearly an all-nighter. And, really, I haven't been procrastinating; I'm putting several hours of work into the course each night. It still piles up, though. Luckily, I'm not teaching now. I wonder what it will be like when I am, and doing this at the same time. In the fall, I have a class on Monday nights until 10pm and a Saturday course from 9-4 every Saturday. I've heard the professors make the teacher courses easier during the school year.

Just repeat to myself: A MAT means a $3500 raise. A MAT means a $3500 raise. A MAT means a $3500 raise. And not worrying about certification for a few more years, which is another load off.

And, really, the course is pretty damn cool. The creative classroom juices are flowing and making me very excited about getting back in front of the kids. I can't believe I have a 25-30 page paper due next week, though.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Grad school

Woah, Mondays and Wednesdays are long days. Class from 9-12 and 4:30-7. The afternoon class is a 45-minute drive away from the other class, so that gives me about three hours in the middle of the day to read assignments or complete research or eat Trader Joe's sushi inside Barnes and Noble before an hour and a half in the gym. As for the two classes, I'm going to attempt to combine the major project I have for each respective course using the same basic topic. It's either going to be vocabulary development, something to do with critical reading, or something to do with grammar.

This afternoon, I typed up and printed out my first "paper" in five years. It's a position paper on No Child Left Behind. It was fairly easy to write; the act is a mess that provides incentives to accept mediocrity, but I'm basically happy that it's made education part of the national debate. I was using a word processing program that didn't let me see how many pages I had written, so I wrote until I felt like I had said enough, and it was already five pages - the professor had said two to three. I whittled it down some before I printed it out. That's due tomorrow; the assignment due on Friday will be intense and take several hours to complete. I realize this and recognize that tomorrow will be a late night and I'd be better off doing it tonight, but it's hard to work ahead when you're taking a daily three-hour class that has about that much work every night.

I'm basically loving it, though. Being a student again rocks. I feel like I'm getting a second chance not to be a crummy college student, which I was for my first two or three years of school.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Five things going on in my life

1. I biked 25 miles today, up and down the Gunpowder Trail. I still can't believe we went that long - all the way up to Woodberry Crossing Camp and back. I really had no idea something so beautiful, and so similar to my hometown's Kal-Haven Trail, existed here in the Baltimore area. I'm sure my rear end will be sore tomorrow for my trip up to Towson.

2. I'm loving my "Current Issues in Education" class. Today we had a lively three-hour discussion about No Child Left Behind. I was too busy being a first-year teacher to pay that much attention to it when it was being enacted into law, but have certainly been affected (mostly adversely, at least from the kids' perspective) by it. Now I feel armed with knowledge about it as it goes up for renewal next year.

3. Last night, I didn't think Bobby was home. I realized I hadn't seen him the night before after the house concert, nor that morning (in both cases, he could have just left out before I came in). Anyhow, my wheels got turning, and I got worrying - there's no way for me to reach him, as he doesn't have a cell phone - and realized it was 1am, and I lay in bed for a while worrying. I then went outside, like a crazy person, and just stared at the street without my contacts, a completely useless endeavor since I can't see at all. Disheartened, I walked inside, muttered to myself, and I heard him say my name; he was calling from his bedroom, and had seen me outside looking like a crazy person. See, he was home the whole time; I just hadn't heard him come in. I realized that I was really worried about him, and I told him so, and he apologized, and said he thought I was asleep when he came in so he came quietly. This is a very strange thing in my house that I've got going on with him. I'm obviously not his parent or guardian, but I'm also not a roommate; I'm a caregiver of sorts, even though he's legally on his own. And I can't complain. He hasn't missed curfew yet, even. He does chores. He comes in the house at night and we talk about his day, about the construction work he is doing, about his upcoming move to the University of Maryland campus. I just wish I could do more, but don't want to get up all in his business and press too much. He seems happy, and excited about college. I'm not sure what else I can do. I'm taking him to his orientation in three weeks. I guess that's something.

4. We had a softball game tonight at 10pm. I was grouchy tonight and would have rather been in bed, but the game was pretty fun overall - though it ended badly. We lost 6-3, but one of our players blew up for no apparent reason, and a little bit of sniping later, and both sort of bummed me out. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive right now. I definitely need some rest after my insomnia last night.

5. Don't look now, but the Tigers aren't letting up. They're 48-24. 48-24! Best team in baseball!

Can't sleep

1. Long readings on NCLB and blaming education for society's ills read for class tomorrow: Check
2. Bicycle oiled up, water bottle chilling, helmet hanging on handlebar, ready to ride the ten miles to Towson University in the morning (and later for a trip with colleagues on the NCR Trail): Check
3. The kid safely home at curfew time and in his bed: Check
4. Ability to sleep: Unchecked. Yawn.

I've now blogged three times tonight, read a bit, wandered aimlessly on the Internet, turned off the air, then turned it back on, repositioned the fan, walked out front of my house to decide if it was really that warm or not, drank some water, peed a bunch, and I. still. can't. sleep.

Ugh.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Bye Bye Bonnie

Oh my gosh. Bonnie has resigned.

I'm curiously without much of an opinion about her. Some of my fellow teachers hate her, but I attribute a lot of that to the railing-against-authority that so many of us have. I think she handled herself well in a lot of instances, and really believed she felt terrible about all the mismanagement before her that caused her to lay off teachers and guidance counselors back in 2003. I mean, I save my hate for Carmen Russo, the woman who drove the system into its deficit, not Bonnie Copeland.

What I do know is that this system needs some stability and this isn't going to help that. We'll see what happens over the next few months, especially as Duncan, O'Malley, and Ehrlich volley around the school system as a political beach ball. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have some trepidation about this all.

My Bonnie Copeland memories:
1. I once went up to her at an event and thanked her for saving my school from an inept principal a few years back.
2. I once saw her staring out the window at the Towson Panera Bread, a dead look in her eyes. She was there before I walked into Target, and after, with the same stare. It was the holiday season that she laid everyone off.
3. A couple of weeks ago, I sat behind her at the play at Everyman Theater. She feels like a celebrity to me.

A college student again

I spent today marching along the brick paths of Towson University, a backpack slung over my shoulder and a college freshmen look of confusion on my face. How I loved it. College campuses have this energy to them that I miss in my everyday life; it's so cool to be part of whole little community all focused on education. I once thought about going into Student Affairs as a career field. I'm (really) happy I chose the route I did, but being on a campus again reminds me of why I worked for the Department of Residence Life at Michigan State for five years (as an RA, Academic and Social Activities Coordinator, Camp Assistant, Assistant Camp Director, and Assistant Hall Director) and why I once thought about doing that sort of thing for a career.

Towson is beautiful, with a lot of brick and greenery, reminding me a lot of my alma mater. The winding red pathways confused me a bit, but in a good way, and I enjoyed the weather and the walking. I wandered for a bit on the way to class, but eventually found it by asking a cute blonde where Hawkins Hall was. I discovered the library by pretending not to follow some classmates going that way. All in all, the experience of being on a campus really rekindled fond memories of being in college. It makes me excited for Bobby, since he's about to start at the University of Maryland.

I'm taking a two-and-a-half week graduate course that is three hours a day and intense, culminating in a 25-30 page paper at the end about an issue of my choice at my school. Today was my first day of class, and I just know I'm going to love it. My professor is a 30-year veteran of Baltimore County Public Schools, and has this warm mom aura about her that belies the serious work I'm sure she'll be assigning. I'm very excited.

Two others in my class are also in my Educational Research class I've been taking for a few weeks already. That one is boring, but I'm trying to make the best of it. Luckily, we're in front of computer screens, so today I got some really great deals on used books on Amazon while the professor talked. This sounds bad, but I was totally listening to everything she was saying - and she was talking about citing something, which is something I understand fully. She's a nice woman, also a motherly type, but she herself admitted that the class is as dry as whistling with crackers in your mouth on a hot summer's day. It's about what I expected. I'm trying to choose a research paper topic that will be relevant to my teaching. I can't decide between vocabulary development, grammar instruction in high school, or something to do with reading comprehension. Hmmm. ERIC is becoming a friend of mine.

And, honestly, I certainly am learning a lot about how to research topics in education. Today, I completed a research evaluation on a study that shown absolutely no correlation between school uniforms and academic achievement, attendance, substance use, or behavior. I wished I would have known about that study this past year, when our school was considering the implementation of school uniforms (something I'm certain will be coming soon, regardless, since it's something that provides a facade...).

Otherwise, not much is new. I'm enjoying the summer immensely. My head is swimming with ideas about the upcoming school year, about how I want to structure my classroom and my schedule, about what I want to emphasize. It's so cool to be able to recharge my batteries every year like this. I've ordered a shitload of academic books from Amazon in the last couple of weeks - Jim Burke and Carol Jago are becoming my friends, along with ERIC - and hope to read a bunch of them this summer, so I can get more ideas of how I want to make my classroom a better place where more learning occurs. If you've got anything you think I should read, tell me about it and I'll put it on my classroom wishlist, which, by the way, feel free to peruse and purchase things for me from if you're feeling like continuing to recharge my batteries. I promise I'll read it and use whatever it is! :)

(Thanks, Carl, for the book of Orwell essays. That was really nice of you!)

Friday, June 16, 2006

Not Bad, Dad, Not Bad

I first read this poem on an eliptical machine. It reminded me of so many things and bowled me over with its power so much that I had to read it three times before I turned the page. I just "found" the poem again as I flipped through Poetry 180 at Barnes & Noble, and it grabbed me just the same. Since it's Father's Day Weekend and all, I thought I'd post it:

Not Bad, Dad, Not Bad

I think you are most yourself when you are swimming;
slicing the water with each stroke,
the funny way you breathe, your mouth cocked
as though you're yawning.

You're neither fantastic nor miserable
at getting from here to there.
You wouldn't win any medals, Dad,
but you wouldn't drown.

I think how different everything might have been
had I judged your sidestroke, your butterfly,
your Australian crawl.

But I always thought I was drowning
in that icy ocean between us,
I always thought you were moving too slowly to save me,
When you were moving as fast as you can.

Jan Heller Levi

Ratemyteacher.com, again

A few times a year, usually when I'm raelly bored on a weekend night after I've been stood up by someone (ahem), I like to check out my ratings at ratemyteacher.com. I've now got seven ratings over five years. My average rating is 3.8. The three numbers after the date are on a 1-5 scale of "easiness", "helpfulness", and "clarity."

Grrr. I hate it when kids say I lose their papers. I've never lost a paper in my life. That's the truth. On occasion, they're at the bottom of another stack or in another class' stack, but I've never actually lost one.


4/08/06 3 2 3 Great teacher, but he needs smaller classes so he can actually give good feedback on essays (if he doesn't lose them). Nice creative projects. Too bad they banished him to the cart • Did you find this rating helpful?

3/31/06 3 4 4 I never got to study in his class, but I'd have loved to! He's a nifty fellow; cares a great deal about his projects and class. He's a real person. • Did you find this rating helpful?

3/20/06 4 4 4 When i had him we walked all over him cause he was new but now it's a vet and has everything under control. FUN class. Take him if you can. • Did you find this rating helpful?

4/19/03 2 5 5 I learned a lot in his class. He puts his students first (with cool projects like the soundtrack essay)and shares his love of literature and writing with them. • Did you find this rating helpful?

10/30/02 4 3 3 When i had him he was new but now he has them undercontrol. • Did you find this rating helpful?

2/17/02 4 4 4

11/09/01 3 4 4 Nice guy, decent teacher, needs to get his class quieter • Did you find this rating helpful?

Let's get political

The Political Science minor in me is getting all giddy about the elections here in Maryland. Don't worry, there will be nothing very insightful in the following but I wanted to record at least some of my thoughts now that we have about five months before the elections. Maryland is going to be fascinating, I can just tell. In the last week, I've heard Bob Ehrlich say on the Mark Steiner show that he has never used e-mail in his life. I'm serious, he actually said that. I don't know if it's true, or if he just misspoke, meaning he'd never used it as governor, but he said it was the best decision he's ever made. Weird. It reminded me of when George Bush, Sr., was fascinated with the bar codes at a supermarket in his second election campaign.

Then, today Ehrlich fired a guy who called gay people "sexual deviants." It came swiftly, and I'm still a little shocked about it. This is the governor that refused to sign the domestic partnership bill. But it is an election year, and he needs those centrist voters as he once again tries to show he is a centrist, something he somehow was able to convince voters of last election. I think that "somehow" was because people didn't like screetchy little Kathleen Kennedy Townsend more than anything else.

As for O'Malley and Duncan, I'm still undecided, but I like O'Malley and basically think he's done a good job for the city of Baltimore. Despite obvious faults, the city is a better place then when I moved here five years ago, and things continue to improve. I don't like Duncan's negative campaigning so far, particularly his criticism of the schools, which have improved markedly in the time since I've been here. Still, I guess he has to go negative, but I don't have to like it. He still could win me over though, I suppose. I think I'd prefer someone in the governor's mansion with a little better finger on the pulse of Baltimore. We shall see.

As for the senatorial races, I still really like Mfume. I think he's really underestimated, still, and could easily win this thing. But I also like Cardin, who is as solid as a rock. I'm just a slave to my memories of seeing Mfume eight years ago at Michigan State and being bowled over by his speech, and have continued to be impressed by him during the campaign. I'll be happy if either of them trounces Steele.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

It's plain to see - ain't no devil, it's just me

I left work tonight and had to see a man about some cat food. I couldn't find him, and pondered stopping into Daugherty's to wait, but I'm not really a stop-in-a-bar-alone kind of guy and would have felt pretentious if I had brought in my novel to read at 11:15pm. Plus, the road split, and wouldn't let me double back until I got all the way to North Avenue, so instead of driving in more circles, I went home. Which is a bummer, because I'm feeling right antsy tonight, and wouldn't have minded getting into a little bit of trouble. Unfortunately, I didn't realize my antsiness until I had driven almost all the way home. That moment occurred when I stopped at a red light and stared up through my sun roof at the moonlit sky dappled with indigo clouds and listened to Caleb Stine - cranked all the way up - sing on the radio. At that point, I realized I didn't want this mood to end, this night to vanish. However, it was too late, and instead now I'm drinking a glass of shiraz and staring at the computer screen. As usual. Oh well. My lone friend who it would have felt okay to call at 11:30 at night (on a non-school night, of course) to hang out (preferably on his rooftop deck, which overlooks the Domino Sugar sign) is visiting New York City for the weekend, so I'm shit out of luck on that front.

I'm taking "Bobby" and another alum out to Thirsty Dog tomorrow night in a minor graduation and pizza celebration, early (5 or 6). If anyone has ever cared to catch a glance of the kid who changed my life and taught me how to be a teacher, or wants to bring by a graduation card or anything, this is your chance. Hmmm... I wonder if it's allowed to bring a 17-year old kid into Thirsty Dog for dinner. I hope so. I'm bringing Holden, so if we get kicked out, we'll ahve to figure something else out.

He leaves for college a month from today. The folks that run his scholarship thoughtfully mailed me the information intended for parents regarding his orientation, which I think I'll be taking him to and going through with him.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

The Tonight Show

One cool thing about summer vacation is that I get to stay up late and watch stuff like this - Ann Coulter and George Carlin together on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

As most liberals do, I hate Ann Coulter, a mean, crazy woman who looks like a horse. And I've always thought George Carlin was a bit overrated, despite his cool appearance in Dogma. But together? I bet it will be some good TV. TV good enough to watch Leno over Letterman, at least for that segment. And KC Tunstull on as the music? That's pretty freaking cool.

The Tigers broke my heart again tonight, losing in 13 innings, while I peddled away for 60 minutes on my eliptical machine. I just moved it in front of the computer (where I watch baseball) instead of the TV (where I watch almost nothing), and the results so far have been much more working out at home - in fact, 100% of the nights since I moved it. However, it's only happened one night out of one, so small sample size caveats apply.

A 8-2 start to the summer

It has been a nearly flawless start to summer vacation. I'm having a terrific time relaxing, reading, watching baseball, and catching up on errands. I could do this all summer.

Good things, so far:

1. I woke up yesterday and ran 3.2 miles. It took me 40 minutes and two walking breaks to do it - I'm really out of shape - but it felt damn good. I then lifted for an hour and worked out some kinks I've had for a while stretching.

2. I bought a bike! Following G's suggestion here, I checked out the Performance Bike Shop up in the Perring Shopping Plaza. I was impressed with both their prices and their service. I took three test-rides of both mountain bikes and hybrids, and decided on a Timberline GT mountain bike. Not only did I love the bike, it was also on sale, and one of the best deals at the place - $280. That's less than I was expected to even pay at Dick's Sporting Goods. They then fit everything for me, taught me how to pop off the tires, made an appointment for me to get adjustments made to it in a month, and hooked me up with a cool rebate.

3. Went for a fairly long bike ride yesterday evening, down and around the Morgan State Campus, the Northwood Baseball facility, and Herring Run. Riding a bike in the city is scary! I don't know if I'll be able to ride all the way up to Towson for my classes without shitting my pants on those skinny sidewalks along Northern Parkway. I haven't decided for sure what I'll be doing - whether I'll try the whole trip or drive up there and then park and ride.

4. Read a bunch of Murakami's Norwegian Wood. As usual, Murakami is impressing the hell out of me.

5. Got two publishers to send me free copies of prospective grammar workbooks for the 9th and 10th grade, plus ordered a bunch from Amazon that I'll be checking out.

6. This morning, I slept in until 8:30, which is nearly unheard of for me. I think it was the intense physical activity I had the day before - I had earned eight hours of sleep, regardless of how late in the day it was. It's been a while since my body was so tired down that it needed the full eight hours to recover. That's a good thing. I woke up with that incredible feeling of being sore from exercise, a reminder that what I did the day before worked. I love it.

7. Worked out again this morning - I don't want to miss a day all summer - and then went out to eat at Bo Brooks with colleagues for yet another end-of-the-schoolyear get-together. Again, it feels really good to be part of a department that works together and hangs out together, despite all the struggles of our school.

8. I've been able to watch a lot of Tigers baseball so far this week, and the Tigers have won four in a row. With a record of 42-23, they're still the best team in baseball, which makes this one of the best summers for me in recent memory. Even if they win just 50 of their last 97 games, that's 92 wins, which hopefully will be enough for the wild card.

***
Flaws:

1. I was over an hour late to my grad class tonight because of that horrible horse trailer accident on I-95 North. I was the last to arrive, but subsequent questioning revealed that quite a few walked in after 5pm; the class starts at 4:30. Oh well. Nothing I could really do about that.

2. Our first softball game of the season for the BSSC league was cancelled because BGE didn't get its shit together enough to have the lights on the fields at Patterson Park fixed. I was really excited to see everyone, so this was a bummer.

But 8-2 ain't bad.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Thank you notes

Dear neighbor:

Thank you for deciding to mow the grass at 7:45 am this morning.

- Epiph

Dear Holden:

Thank you for not properly relieving yourself last night so that you had to wake up at 6am to pee.

- Epiph

Dear eyes:

Thank you for gunking up twice as much as usual last night.

- Epiph

Dear Tobey:

Thank you for kneading my back while I tried to sleep this morning.

- Epiph


No, really, thank you. I don't like to sleep in. Even if it is the first day of summer vacation and I went to bed exhausted.

Alright, I'm off to the gym, to Performance Cycle Shop, to Jiffy LUbe, to the laundromat, and then back home to get ready for another softball game - the first in the BSSC league - tonight.

Monday, June 12, 2006

It's the first night of summer vacation, baby!

Reading goals

1. I need to re-read the 10th grade curriculum - Reservation Blues, The Scarlet Letter, The Great Gatsby, and Joe Turner's Come and Gone. One good thing (the only good thing?) about having all this management/department head change at school is that the curriculum feels loose right now, like I could do almost anything I want with it. My current idea is to possibly read a condensed, SAT-prep version of Scarlet Letter in favor of a later book in the curriculum - possibly The Autobiography of Malcolm X.

2. Pleasure reading - I'm a few chapters into Murakami's Norwegian Wood right now and am digging it. I want to read something by Phillip Roth this summer, probably The Plot Against America. My summer teacher book club book is The Devil in the White City. I want to read more Ernest Gaines and more Sandra Cisneros besides the classics of theirs that I teach. Mockingbird, the first ever biography of Harper Lee, came in the mail today and I'll probably devour it in a day or so. I like to read Hemingway in the summer, so hopefully I'll find one I haven't read yet. I also have a gift from a reader, The God of Small Things, which I'll be reading this summer.

3. After this somewhat rocky year that I just had teaching, a year that felt too ineffectual, I want to read some books that recharge the old teaching batteries. I've just re-subscribed to English Journal, and just ordered a few books that I've wanted to read for a while - Kozol's Shame of a Nation, a book about Socratic Seminars, and a bunch of grammar books to choose a good text for next year. I'm excited about sitting back and reading some of these.

Fitness Goals

One secret that I don't think I've divulged on this blog, and I just sort of noticed it a couple of weeks ago, is that I've gained thirty pounds in the last three years. It makes me feel pretty shitty and self-conscious, so I'd just like to plain get that off this summer. I've been ridiculously bad about going to the gym this year, and really need to get back in the habit of it, and I think my summer schedule will help this occur. I'd like to get back to running a bit because that really keeps me fit. I would struggle to run two miles right now. (Incidentally, my three-year weight gain of thirty years almost directly coincides with the time I've spent working at the gourmet restaurant. Seems pierogies and dutch apple cake aren't conducive to fitness.)

I also want to buy a bike, with a secondary goal of fitness in mind, but a primary goal of transportation to class.

Professional Goals

I want to do well in these six credits at Towson, which are costing me $1980 to take and hopefully will be worth it in the end. I got to class 45 minutes late today because I got horribly lost on the Towson campus, so hopefully that doesn't happen again. I want to do well and use these graduate courses to make myself a better teacher.

Personal Goals

1. See "Bobby" off to college, keeping him safe, secure, well-fed, and ready.

2. Figure out why my car is moaning when I turn. Get my oil changed.

3. Get the back upstairs bedroom organized and keep it that way. All books alphabetized, shelves straightened up.

4. Keep basement in the general state of cleanliness that it is in.

5. Walk the dog more. He's depressed.

6. Plan my trip home for the summer, making sure I see as many friends as possible, and spend some good quality time with the parents in South Haven.

7. See some live music. Ray Lamontagne on July 11th would be a good start.

8. Stay financially sound by taking plenty of shifts at the restaurant and floating by on savings until September.

Buying a Bike

I got the idea a few weeks ago that I want to buy a bike to help get into shape this summer and get around the Towson campus without having to worry about parking. I've quietly been doing research, but am having a hard time deciding what to do.

Option #1: Go to Joe's Bike Shop in Mt. Washington, and drop $350-$400 or so on a nice new bike with a helmet and lock. Get personalized service for the of the time I own the bike. This is what my bike rider friends recommend.

Option #2: Go to Target or Wal-Mart and spend $100 on a cheap bike. Take it back later if I don't like it for no-questions-asked return. My bike rider friend swears these bikes are pieces of shit and that I'd never ride it because they would make me miserable. This exactly the type of advice I'd expect to get from a bike rider friend.

Option #3: Split the difference and spend $250-$300 at Dick's Sporting Goods for a decent bike, but not have the personalized attention I'd have at Joe's Bike Shop.

Option #4: Sadly, the option of getting a bike through Craig's List seems hopeless. There have hardly been any options available in the last several weeks. I can't believe how many people who are posting that they want bikes - and all are pretty much exactly what I'm looking for.

I'm not exactly sure what to do, but I'll probably decide by mid-week, I suspect. My Towson class - at least the one on campus - starts a week from today.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Baseball revived

Anyone who thinks that baseball is dead in urban areas should come to the Northwood Complex in North Baltimore, across from Morgan State University. I just spent a couple hours there, and saw parts of four games, and saw tons of kids and parents running between them all. Everyone was having a ball. I've said I'm going to volunteer assistant coach one of these teams, and this was my introduction, but truthfully I used it mostly as a recruiting tool today. This pitcher I've got my eye on is going into the 9th grade, and he's throwing better than most of the pitchers in the city league. I'm going to try to get him. My recruiting isn't very subtle, as I'm the only white person in the entire complex, but I hope it's still effective.

I'm also freaking exhausted. Sunday brunch was atypically long and miserable today, as I stayed there all eight hours and made a pittance of $60, and am just wore down right now. Luckily, tomorrow is the last day I'll be going into school, if all goes well. Summer vacation is starting, and it's going to be an awesome one.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Sixpence none the richer

1. We got our schedules for next year and I'm teaching three sections of English I Honors and two sections of English II CP. I expected the former, but not the latter. In a way, I'm flattered that they would put me in 10th grade, which is the year of high stake testing for English in Maryland. However, I think I more got it because others didn't want it. I asked for either English II or English III as my second class, and heard early last week that it would be English III. I was pretty excited about teaching Juniors again, as the curriculum (Macbeth, Lord of the Flies, Frankenstein, The Fifth Child, Othello, Brave New World) is more fun than the 10th grade curriculum (The Scarlet Letter, Reservation Blues, The Great Gatsby, Joe Turner's Come and Gone, Their Eyes Were Watching God, a bunch of Puritan and colonist shit) and it would be nice to teach upper classmen again. This last minute change means I'll be teaching some of the students I had this year, which could be a good thing, but more likely will be a bad thing, as I wasn't that happy with my performance this year. One hopeful positive, though, is my curriculum team. All three of us English II teachers have never taught the class before, but we're all good friends and good teachers so we will work well together.

2. Speaking of which, the irony of it all is that I had my end of the year evaluation meeting today and I was given a score of 100/100 for my evaluation. I was told that less than ten teachers (out of 80) in the building got that score. This is crazy, because I was so agressively mediocre this year, with the floating and what not. I'm attributing the score to pity for me because I had to float. I guess I'll take it. Also amusing was my assistant principal's comment that, "And you never complained about it at all!" Huh? I was a whiny bitch about it for much of the year.

3. The Noah's Ark Pub Crawl was fun. We only hit five bars, which I guess is a part of getting older - the pub crawls become a lot shorter. I enjoyed all the bars we hit - Gecko's, Wharf Rat, Cat's Eye Pub, Horse You Came In On, and Max's - and got a ride home right around midnight. I didn't overdo it and feel just fine today.

4. Today, after getting a ride back out to Fell's Point to get my car, I stopped at Liquid Earth for lunch. That place is expensive, but I swear to god that their Vegetarian Reuben is one of the best foods ever created for human consumption.

5. A trip out to Trader Joe's was a downer. The cashier told me that they would not be carrying salmon jerky any longer, at any of the Trader Joe's on the east coast. I live on that stuff, so that sucks. I wish I could mail order them or something. Maybe I'll check around the internet.

6. I've been doing a lot of checking around the internet today, looking for a grammar book for 9th and 10th grade next year. No luck yet. I've gotten a lot of good recommendations for Daily Grammar Practice, but I'm leery of something with such a bad website. I know some teachers read this site - do you have any good recommendations? I'm looking for something the kids can buy for about $10.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Hips and Ta-Ta

My 80-year old grandmother fell last night and broke her hip in four places. She has been addled by Alzheimer's Disease for several years now, unable to recognize anyone or hold a conversation, and now she's in tremendous physical pain and doesn't know why. She endured a long surgery today, putting a pin in her hip, and on Monday will begin therapy so she might be able to walk again, and she won't understand why she's in so much pain and will probably scream just like she screamed last night after the fall.

Grandma hasn't strung together two words in English for two years, offering only occasional babbles in German. However, this morning when she came out of the surgery, she looked into my uncle's eyes, and said, "I'm tired and want to be with Ta Ta now." Ta Ta is grandpa, who died in 1991. It was the most lucid statement she has made in years.

What a horrible way to go. She's been dying for eight years and I'm hoping she will not have to suffer through much more. I'm struggling to maintain the memories I have of her as a formidable presence in my youth and adolescence and not the haunted ghost she is today.

I love living. I want to die at the age of 119 in a duel with a jealous lover. But I'd never want to live like this.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Conflict resolution

The "conflict" went just fine. Oops, I forgot to call, he said, and then he did, and while it doesn't sound like the conversation went that great, he did his part. I saw some of his optimism dim, but his cousin was shot at 9:30 tonight and is in critical condition at Johns Hopkins, and listed as a John Doe because he's a crime victim so he couldn't visit him (immediate family only). Plus, now he's worried about his scholarship, so he's excused for not being his usual jovial self tonight. I considered it a bonus that he started laughing by the end of our conversation. Every time I worry about that kid he makes a comeback, and I'm sure this will be no different. Four weeks and two days before he moves in down at College Park, unless something bad happens.

I'm deciding on a place to take him out for a graduation dinner, some place nice. He didn't even get a party thrown for him so I at least want to show him that I'm proud he's made it this far with some sort of ceremonial dinner.

Coolest white dude ever

It wasn't the first time a kid has called me the "coolest white dude" he's ever met, but this one will be one of the most memorable. It came from Keith, the poster-child of my 5/6B class - funny, smart, angry, sweet, a little out of control. He and the rest of the class are finally through with me. It's been a tumultuous year with this group, who are probably the single least mature group of kids I've ever taught. I loved them, though I'd be lying through my teeth if I didn't say that times were rough on occasion. I'd be lying if I told you I didn't yell, "God damn it, Tatyana, why in the hell are you talking still right now? Do you not give a damn that your final is next class and I'm reviewing the material that it will cover?" last class, shocking them first into silence, and then into giggles.

Collectively, I feel like their average mental age was around eleven. I wanted to duct tape their butts to the seat and, on occasion, gave classwork grades where if they sat quietly and did their work they got 100% for the day. Not great teaching, but I pulled off all the stops with these kids.

With some groups of students, you know that they'll be just fine and go far in life. With this group, though, I just would like another year with them before they head off to the 10th grade or another school (and some will be put out of the school, I'm sure of it). They still need my protection; they didn't learn enough from me or their other teachers (and, frankly, I blame the latter a bit - their history teacher told them, "I hate you fuckers" in October and walked out and quit shortly thereafter) about how to be students in high school. Only thing is, next time I'd like 20-24 of them at a time, not 34. And not in a cramped classroom that's not mine, a classroom so cramped that I couldn't roll my floating cart in. Then, I could be successful with them.

But I'll miss these kids and their potty mouths so fucking much. I think I heard the f*bomb at least once a class period. It's the first class I've ever had to establish a curse jar. Or a "Your Mother Doesn't Work Here" poster for the kids who left a mess every single day. But they were good kids and I hope they make it.

Idea clamps

My kids' Sandra Cisneros pastiches were so good that I wanted to make copies of them, bound them, and give them to the class as gifts. I brought them all to Kinko's today, and had one of the greatest sticker shocks of my life.

To make 24 copies of our class pastiches, it would cost me... $511.

Uh, no. Even eliminating the binding of them only got the price tag down to $236.

They'll have to make due with my school copier copies and clamps. Sorry, kids, they're awesome and all, but...

***

Tonight, I have to have my first confrontation with "Bobby" since he moved in. Ugh. I hope there's a reasonable explanation of why I told him on May 31 that the scholarship people were desperate to get a hold of him, and why I get a concerned call today on June 7 saying that he hasn't yet reached them.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Random Notes

1. Today was the retirement presentation given by a woman who has taught for forty years in the Baltimore City Public Schools (and 42 years total - she spent two years in the Peace Corps.) Her retirement ends 127 years of continuous service by her family in the Baltimore City Public Schools; her great, great aunt was a principal of Western in the 1880's, her other great grandmother was a school board member and teacher, and her father was a teacher for years and years at Poly. It was a cool presentation, though somewhat sad. She started out by saying, "You all may think of me just as this crotchitty old lady, but I wasn't always this way" and then went into a powerpoint about her life.

2. It reminded me of this story I just read, about an English teacher retiring this years after 69 years of teaching.

3. If they (the kids, the administration, the colleagues) don't stop making me excited about next year and making me feel so darn happy, I might just end the year on a good note. I just find it so difficult to be cynical about things, even after this year of floating hell.

4. Reading educational research is boring as hell.

5. A couple of weeks ago I had to take have a blood test to see if I was immune to Measles, Mumps, and Rubella. I'm immune to two of them, but not to Mumps. The initial phone call - a message saying, "Hello, sir, we need you to call. We have important information about your blood work" freaked me out a bit (as it would any sexually active single person, I'd assume), but it was just that I was not immune to Mumps. Apparently there have been some outbreaks, so I guess it's good to know this is the case. I went in today for the shot, and it sucked, but now it's over.

6. For Friday, I am organizing the 3rd annual Noah's Ark Pub Crawl. It's something I invented five years ago with my then-roommate, where we toured around Fell's Point and visited every bar named after an animal. Therefore, we'll be starting at Gecko's at 4:30, then moving on to Wharf Rat, Horse You Came In On, Cat's Eye Pub, Kooper's Tavern, Max's On Broadway, Bertha's Mussels, Brass Monkey, The Greene Turtle, Birds of a Feather, and then maybe do some houseware shopping at the Blue Iguana. If we decide to change up and go to a cool bar like Slainte, Waterfront Hotel, John Stevens, Red Star, Full Moon Cafe, or Lulu's Off-Broadway instead of going to a shitty bar like, well, the Green Turtle, then we might make it a two-drink penalty. Sadly, The Armadillo Pub and Crabby Dick's have both closed so we may have to find replacements. This is to celebrate the end of the school year and the start of the summer. Huzzah!

One that got away

I just listened to one of the most heart-wrenching stories I've ever heard on NPR. It involved the interview of two fourteen-year old kids living in a group home in 1994. The kids were full of optimism, humor and hope. The interviewer tracked them down this year, to find that one had died of AIDS (and he and his HIV+ girlfriend had had two kids with the knowledge that they had the virus) in March, while the other was in jail. Both were dropouts and neither had jobs. To hear two optimistic 14-year old kids in one moment and then hear the adult versions of the same people eleven years later was utterly depressing.

It reminded me of Arturo Nelson. About a week ago, I was in line at 7-11 getting my usual cup of coffee> I was loading up my wallet with my change, when the kid behind me came up to the counter and ordered two vanilla dutchies. The way he said it - needlessly loud, a little addled - made me turn my head, and I noticed something familiar about the kid. I couldn't place him, so I left out the store, thinking hard about who it could be. At that moment I heard someone shout out my name.

I turned around, and there was Arturo. I didn't remember his name until the next day, but I remembered the face. His cheeks weren't chubby anymore, and his mouth had grown into his teeth, but the oval shape and dark frame of his skin encicled his wide grin the same as when I had known him.

I had Arturo as a 9th grader. He was a funny, naive little kid who always sat next to Jarrod (my baseball captain last year) and worked hard on writing despite struggling through a lot of it. I remember his frustrations when he didn't get something and his joys when his epiphanies erupted to the surface. Arturo passed my course through his hard work, but in keeping tabs on him the next year, I found out that he failed most of his classes his sophomore year. He also got a girl pregnant and she had a baby towards the end of his 10th grade, which effectively put an end to his schooling. He never looked back, as far as I know.

I'd tried to keep some tabs on him the first year he was gone, but it didn't stick. He sort of lives near me, I think - and being in that 7-11 confirms it, as does my meeting him once on a run - but I hadn't seen him around in a long time.

When I saw him at 7-11, I tried to think of his name, and called him "Mike." I don't think he heard, because he didn't correct me, and instead told me he was working on going to trade school, that he wanted to learn a trade. I hadn't asked, as I was afraid his answer would have been sad. We talked for about ninety seconds. His stained beater hung low around his neck, and his friend in a long white tee and braids shouted from across the street. Arturo said goodbye, smiled, and ran over to him. Across the stree, ht waved back at me. At that moment, he looked like the friendly, gangly 14-year old I used to know back then, and not the 19-year old unemployed dropout and absentee father that he is now.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Tuesdays night thrills Monday Night Mania

The year is sputtering to a close, and not a moment too soon. I'm tired and ready for a break. At the same time, though, I'm excited about starting next year refreshed, with a new schedule in place and hopefully a classroom (which my department head guaranteed to me today, although I've heard that before).

Today was my last day with first period. The city hoisted a horrible benchmark on us on Thursday that they wanted as part of the final. Rather than flat out refusing, which I thought would get me in trouble, I gave my kids the answers since they didn't have time to do both the benchmark and the carefully constructed final. They act unprofessional towards me, and I guess I do it right back at them. This isn't official state stuff or anything, so I'm not worried about repercussions. The department head gave me an unofficial wink-wink when I told her what I was doing.

I appreciate what North Avenue is doing, trying to take control of this testing situation from the state. And I enjoyed the first two benchmarks they gave us this year. But the 3rd and 4th benchmarks this year have been ill-planned to the point where I felt like they were a complete waste of time. It's a bummer that I feel sometimes like I'm part of a Mickey Mouse organization.

My Master's course was tonight - day two. I'm realizing that I have no idea at all how to use a library in the informational age. I don't yet have an ID card for Towson and am not sure how to get one. I'm not the only one in my class in this boat, but it still sucks; I can't access any of the journal articles and I have something called a "Literature Review" - basically an analysis of an educational research study - due on Wednesday and I've got to rely on whatever full texts happen to come up from scholar.google.com.

Today, the professor apologized that the class is "as dry as whistling with a dry mouth full of crackers on a hot day." However, while there are slow parts, I don't find it too bad. It's cool to be a student again, although I'd be lying if I said I could get through it easily without a computer screen in front of me. They have so much available online in front of us with the Towson Blackboard system, and we're supposed to be following along on there, but it's easy to switch over to something else and multi-task when things get slow.

In other news, my summer seems like it's filling up really quickly. I'm volunteer coaching a little league team on Tuesdays and Thursdays, have class on Mondays and Wednesdays, play in a softball league on (mostly) Mondays, play in another softball league on (mostly) Tuesdays, and my other summer class (daily, 9-12) starts up in a week or so. I'm also going to be volunteering at that cool middle school that wanted to hire me this summer, though I had to withdraw my name from consideration because of my MAT courses.

Thrilling, I know.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Graduation

Today was graduation, a day filled with choked up hugs and misty-eyed hand shakes. My emotional response to this beautiful day surprises me every year. This was my most dramatic graduation yet, for a class filled with kids I taught in the 9th grade and/or the 11th grade. These seniors were my freshmen in the second year of teaching - the first year when I was actually good - and seeing them mature over these four years has been a remarkable experience.

The moment that encapsulated what I was feeling today occurred when a colleague was staring at me, smiling. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "I just love looking at you today. Your face is just the picture of love right now. You love these kids so much."

And I do. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that this day was one of the happiest I've ever experienced. I'm getting a lump in my throat thinking about these kids and how much they've meant to me.

Greatest moments:

Giving Bobby a hug as he cried in the crowded auditorium entryway.

Finding Ebony, telling her how proud I was of her, and hugging her for a full sixty seconds.

Demetria sneaking up from behind, hugging me from the back, after which I told her what an intelligent and beautiful young woman she had become.

My favorite thug boy, Davon, the poet, and giving him the one-armed hug while I made him promise to follow his dreams of becoming a rapper and to keep me in the loop.

I finally met Elle, whose journal I've been reading for years, even before I figured out her daughter was a student at my school. Recognizing me, she approached, said how nice it was to meet me, and gave me a big hug, while T-Dawg (who is going to George Washington University!) snuck up behind. I hugged T-Dawg and I made her promise to come visit.

I found Brittany, a girl who had a baby the first quarter of her junior year, when I was her teacher. She failed that quarter, understandably, but came back and pulled 90s the rest of the year - and you'd never meet a more dignified, put-together, and responsibile young lady. I told her how proud I was and met her kid for the first time.

I found LaKendra, the girl with sickle cell anemia who doctors told would have eighteen months to live when she was a 9th grader, and hugged her. She looked so good, so healthy, and is going to design school in NYC!

Not to mention Julius, and Josh, and Kiara, and Andrew, and Jordan, and Tiffany...

I could go on and on. Suffice to say, it was an amazing day, one that made me immensely proud.

Other observations:

1. I clapped so much today that my hands are sore. 350 kids graduated, and I've got to clap for each, at least a little, but then I've got to go a little nuts with the kids that I really like.

2. A bunch of us English teachers ate at City Cafe after the graduation and stayed there for four hours, reminiscing about the class.

3. I had to work at the restaurant right afterwards. Graduation was at 9am, but they wanted teachers there at 7:30am. So it's been a long, long day. I so need to sleep in tomorrow.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Duke fan?

There's a kid at our school who I like to think of as Superkid. He's been blessed with tremendous physical tools - he's 6'4", 190, as strong as a horse and quick as a deer. He's also been blessed with brains, as he's a straight-A student with good SAT scores and a National Honor Roll membership. And he's been raised very well. His dad is my assistant coach and he himself is a humble, quiet, nice kid. Like I said, Superkid.

He's played for me the last three years as my shortstop and centerfielder, but football is his true love. Last year, he signed a letter of intent with Duke University to be their wide receiver. He got a full ride athletic scholarship and is heading there in about a month.

Tonight, during the mercifully short athletic banquet, he got up, and asked all of his coaches at the school to come up to the front. There, he presented us all with Duke hats, and thanked us all for his development as an athlete and as a person. It was one of the nicest things I've ever heard.

I've always sort of disliked Duke, because they're such a chief rival of Michigan State, my alma mater. But now I have a Duke hat that fits me like a glove. And a great kid who I'll always remember going to the school. I think I might have to start becoming a Duke fan. Except when they play the Spartans.

In other news, "Bobby" won the Coach's Award for Wrestling.

Yelling into the fan

I feel like I ran a marathon today - I'm sweaty and overhwelmed. During my classes, my usual subdued self jumped around like a madman, yelling over fans and seniro farewell in the halls. In my second period, I got so into reading The Odyssey that I shouted into the fan for Polyphemus' voice. The first time, the kids all laughed, as they should, but after that, I apparently just sold them on the character so they just took it in stride. It was one of the funniest things I've ever done. I had so much damn fun with those kids this year.

This was the last day of class for A day and I'll miss these kids a lot - all of them. I wish I had been a better teacher this year. I just feel so mediocre right now.

In my 5/6 class, I was writing on the board while the kids were doing some group work, and this girl said to me, "You know, Mr. (E), it looks like you've gained a lot of weight this year." That's the problem with being a friendly, approachable teacher. Kids can say just the most unbelievable things to you sometimes. Next year, I'm not smiling until December.

Actually, it's a lot easier to be tough when you have a classroom. Next year, it's back to tough as nails. (I'm not actually ever like this, but a classroom tends to make me more organized, which in turn makes me tougher.)