Noticing new things

Ever since we added Romeo and Juliet to the curriculum, I've been able to use Baz Luhrmann's William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet, starring Claire Danes and Leonardo Decaprio, in the class. I do a variety of things with it. I never show the whole thing, except after school for extra credit, but do a number of scene comparisons and film analysis pieces with it - sometimes comparing it with Zefferrelli's 1968 version.

I feel like I know almost everything there is to know about the film. I know its strengths and its weaknesses. I think it's mostly a brilliant film, so the strengths - the aquarium scene, the opening sequence, the music and performances - far outweigh its weaknesses (the balcony stage isn't blocked well, Act 3.1 changes the meaning of the scene by making Romeo's murder of Tybalt seem like bloodthirsty revenge rather than heat-of-the-moment impulse).

However, I learned something new about the film tonight, as I surfed through imdb.com to see if a kid's comment this week when the nurse appeared on film ("Hey, isn't she that lady who killed Selena?") was true (it wasn't - different actress).

The new fact? Romeo's mother is played by the same woman who played Ross and Monica Geller's mother on Friends.

Three days until Opening Day

Monday is the best day in sports all year - Opening Day. I've never actually been to an Opening Day, and haven't even been able to watch one in the last few years since I started teaching, but I really look forward to it. It's a time of heightened optimism and excitement. When I was an RA in college, one of my bulletin board was a daily tear-off of "Days Until Opening Day." I'm too busy to really count down anymore, but I definitely know that it's Monday.

The Tigers are possibly heading into their best season in over a decade. I don't mean to be overly optimistic, but I'm not the only one - Foxsports just listed them #9 on the Power Rankings to beging the year, and quite a few national predictors have predicted that they could be a dark horse candidate to do something. It will all be about staying healthy. If the Tigers stay healthy, they have the unique position of being above average at every single offensive position - Pudge at catcher, Shelton at first base, Polanco at second, Guillen at short, Inge at third, Monroe in left, Ordonez in right, and Granderson in center. They're all solid players when healthy, and there are at least a couple - Ordonez, Guillen, and Pudge - who have had star seasons in the past. If something can come together for them, maybe they can put together a solid season.

I'm less optimistic about the Orioles, though. They're above average at C, 3B, SS, LF, and 2B, and pretty average or below average everywhere else (unless Patterson can put together a great season, something I doubt). Their rotation is solid, but injury prone and without a stopper. Maybe Mazzone can work some magic. Maybe some young players can surprise. Maybe, maybe.

Brighter

At times like these, I really wish I could post a private entry about something, so I would know that no one who shouldn't be reading is reading my stuff. Because, if I did, I'd be able to write a long, searing post about...

Things seem to have simmered down today, though. The crisis is not over, but I think the worst of it is.

Today was a horrible day, though. I walked around shell-shocked, to the point where one girl said, "You're too young to look like that. You look like you're 55 today instead of under 30." People kept asking me if I was alright. I wasn't. I'm was so angry at so many things that I just felt like exploding. To top it off, today was my formal observation first period. I probably would have called in sick otherwise. The observation went really well, though; my supervisor told me over and over again how much she enjoyed the lesson. So I guess I pulled it off.

The other thing I realized late in the day is that maybe my day wasn't so bad - it could have been the lack of caffeine that put me in a bad mood. Because during my planning period, I ran to Giant and got myself a sugar-free Monster energy drink and felt a lot better after that. We also had a drama-free practice that was a lot of fun, so at least the day ended well. Now it's off to Pickled Parrot for their pitcher-and-a-pound-of-shrimp deal.

So I guess things are looking up. This has been a very trying week, starting on Tuesday when I got cursed out by one of my favorite students, and going to yesterday, when I lost all shreds of respect for people that I should have respect for, people who dramatically let me down. I looked for jobs last night. I'm not feeling that way right now, but who knows what this meeting on Monday will bring.

Deep breaths, though, deep breaths. Thank god tomorrow is professional development.

Rue the day

The shit really hit the fan this afternoon. It really did, as in police called and the principal threatening both students and my job. I'm not sure what's going to happen in the morning, but right now I'm hating almost everyone in a position of power at my school and swearing they will rue the day they did me wrong.

I actually feel like I need a union representative when I meet with him on Friday. I've never felt that way before. Honestly, I'm just shell-shocked by it all; I can't believe it.

Late March doldrums

I am so tired of school right now. While I'm teaching my heart out over Act I, Scene 5 of Romeo and Juliet today, I look out and see six heads down. I ask them, "What do you think you're doing? You're in a classroom - act like it!" and they say back to me, "There are so many people sleeping because it's boring!". My answer back is, of course, "I don't care. You've got to do it anyway. If you don't, feel free to fail." That's the kind of conversations I feel like I'm either having - or avoiding, by letting them sleep, and to be honest I do that sometimes, too, especially if they're pains in the ass - all the time lately in my afternoon classes. My morning classes are all awesome and on the ball, but my afternoon groups of kids are lazy and listless.

Not to mention, I'm overwhelmed and all I can think about is how next year, I'll be able to have a classroom and kids every day - rather than floating from classroom to classroom and having to see the kids every other day. I'm so sick of having to rebuild the structure of my classroom every other day because I'm in a different room. I'm so sick of having to fight kids on issues like hats in the classroom or listening to I-Pods while they're doing their drill. I'm feeling completely and totally unsupported by just about everyone at the school right now in any position of authority. I walk through the halls on my planning period and see kid after kid without a hall pass, and when I ask, they all have a different reason why, and that sucks. Kids shouldn't be in the hall without a hall pass. Period. This is something else that they will blame the teachers on, but the problem lies above us. They're so worried about bringing in school uniforms (which teachers will undoubtedly have to be in charge of monitoring and enforcing, rather than them) that they can't see that the school and its students are not following their existing policies.

Our administration right now needs to figure out a way to support us, because right now it's bad and it's going to get worse and worse as the weather warms up.

Aargh

Today, I...

1. ... was stood up by a parent who was supposed to meet with me at 2pm about his kid. He didn't show up or even call. I cleared my whole planning period for him.

2. ... saw my cell phone for the first time since Sunday afternoon. I didn't even miss it.

3. ... was cursed at by one of my favorite players, who called the make-an-error-run-a-lap activity we were doing, "demeaning and self-serving, because you can't fucking coach."

I really don't know what to do about the latter situation. If the kid would have apologized after practice - he was sauntering around, like he wanted to - then I'd be sure I would have forgiven him. But he didn't. Now I feel like i've got to sit him the next game. I don't want to be the type of coach who sits a player because he says something I don't like, but I also don't want to be the type of coach who lets his players walk all over him. It's a dilemma I wish I wasn't facing right now. It's a dilemma that I want to avoid until tomorrow. Maybe I'll try to go to sleep and head to the gym in the morning, because my stress level feels higher than it has been in a while.

This is driving me to eat Cadbury Eggs in droves.

***

Check that, I do know what to do about the above situation. His ass is not playing Friday.

The thing is, I'm so thin-skinned sometimes that I have a thin skin about being thin-skinned. For the above situation, I thought to myself that benching the kid would make me appear to be thin-skinned, so I shouldn't do it. After thinking about it for a while, I realize that it's not about skin at all, it's about being a team. I don't want him being a jerk to me or anybody else on the team. I don't want younger players learning from him. It's not that I have a thin skin, it's that I don't accept unacceptable behavior.

Coaching is really hard sometimes. I'm a much better teacher than coach. I work my ass off, though, to be a good coach. I'm still learning. There's no student teaching for coaching. I wish there was because then I'd sign up tomorrow.

Ratemyteachers.com

Liveinlove wrote to tell me she looked me up on Rate My Teachers. I've been to the site before, and probably visit once every few months if I think about it.

I've been teaching for five years now, and I have five ratings from students - but every time I'd checked, I'd had none since 3/19/03. I guess this is a site our students really haven't gotten much wind of, which is fine with me. My kids are already all over my Myspace page, to the point where two students - one former, one current - left me comments today on my site. (I've decided I'm okay with it, since there's nothing overly personal or incriminating on my site, and I hardly use Myspace, just using it to get free downloads of independent music on occasion.) However, when I checked the link sent to me today, I saw I had received a new rating on Ratemyteachers.com on 3/20/06, just a few days ago. Weird that it would have happened so close to Liveinlove telling me about it.

The student game me straight fours for Easiness, Clarity, and Helpfulness (they're all on a 1-5 scale, with 5 being best), then wrote, "When i had him we walked all over him cause he was new but now it's a vet and has everything under control. FUN class. Take him if you can."

First of all, it's pretty positive, so that's nice. But I hope this is some 19-year former student, because I really felt like I've had my students under control since (though, admittedly, not during) my first year of teaching. Those kids I had my first hellish semester of teaching have now graduated. So maybe it's one of them.

Looking closely at the review, I'm somewhat pleased about the all caps on the word "FUN," though I hope s/he meant fun in a "learn a lot" way and not in a "party party party" way. I'm less pleased with the incorrect pronoun usage ("it's a vet"), but happy about the last sentence.

Maybe I'll get another rating in three years that I'll be able to dissect that one ad nauseum as well.

"You're an embarassment to the profession of umpiring!"

Yes, I actually said that today to an umpire. And got thrown out of the game. I literally had to stand 100 yards away.

To be fair, he had said to me, "What are you doing yelling at me? You're embarassing yourself" right before that. But I kept on screaming. My team needed a wakeup.

The guy missed the call, and I let him have it. I think he knew that I wasn't being personal, and we shook hands after the game and he said he wasn't going to turn in the required paperwork to suspend me.

Two games in a row, screaming at umpires. The kids are loving seeing mild-mannered EpiphanyinBaltimore going off like this every game. I had to stop myself from throwing my hat in disgust today. Maybe next time. I'm getting better at this yelling at umpires thing.

Maybe I need to work on my temper a little bit, though. Ha ha. Actually, I never felt out of control and never actually felt mad; I just wanted to be thrown out to show the team that they should be as mad as I appeared to be.

We played terribly, by the way. We were up 9-1 after the top of the second to a team that beat us twice last year. Then, the opposing team scored - I kid you not - 16 runs in the bottom of the second inning. It was a miserable display of walks and errors.

I've got to turn this team upside down because we're really sucking right now.

Carlos Pena released

Today, the Tigers released Carlos Pena.

While I'm not ready to go and surgically remove my new Detroit Tigers tattoo or anything, this is a bummer all around. At least it wasn't unexpected, though. Pena has been a frustrating player the last three years, no doubt about that. But he's also been the Tigers' only hitter that can remain both healthy and maintain an OPS above .800 (Guillen is the only other Tiger to post .800+ OPS in the last two years). He also has a sweet swing and is one of the best defensive first basemen I've ever seen.

Pena has been my favorite Tiger for a while now, and I'm sad to see him go. But he could actually be coming. The Baltimore Sun reported a couple of weeks back that the Orioles be interested in Pena if he were released. I'm hoping he ends up here. Camden Yards' short right field is perfectly tailored for Pena's home run swing. And I think the Javy Lopez first base experiement is doomed for failure. He's maddeningly inconsistent sometimes, but when Pena is on, he's a force. Last year, nobody in baseball hit more homeruns than Pena (15 in 130 at-bats) did in August and September, except for Bonds.

The other rumors I've heard about his destination? The Yankees. That would be disturbing.

Evergreen garbageman memories

After a Sunday brunch shift at the restaurant, I headed over to The Evergreen Grill for a grading party with four other teachers. Grades are due this week sometime (though they, typically, haven't given us the due date yet and probably won't until the last minute), and we're all English teachers so we're all swimming in essays right now. It's so easy to make little rules for yourself - "I swear, I'm going to limit myself to just three comments per essay" - but they never seem to stick. I got through one of my six classes.

It was the first time I've been at Evergreen Grill in a couple of years, ever since my ex-Principal stood me up there while I was being sued. See, my ex-Principal (the guy who was three principals ago) was a lawyer, and he agreed to meet with me about my case on a Saturday morning in April. He never showed up, and I sat there for about an hour in a whir of laptops, coffee, and bagels. Later, he told me he had forgotten. A few weeks later, I was sitting in a courtroom, defending myself without a lawyer against a $10,000 lawsuit brought forward because my dog had jumped on a garbageman in my backyard after my roommate had let him out.

I can't believe it's only been two years since that case. So much of it seems surreal, like it happened to a different person. Losing the case probably would have resulted in having to claim bancruptcy, and an end to my life as I know it, but I never really doubted that I would win, even though I couldn't afford a lawyer (cheapest offer to take my case: $1500). So much of the case seemed ridiculous - the fact that this guy wasn't bitten, and that doctor reports afterwards stated there were no teeth marks, the fact that his lawyer wouldn't contact me about a settlement, the fact that I wasn't home at the time of the incident, the fact that the guy was trespassing on our yard without permission, and, then, the kicker, the fact that the guy suing me, Clarence Weston, was a slumlord and criminal - that I couldn't see myself losing.

The actual trial was unbelievable. It was a balmy day in May, and I had to take a day off from both teaching and coaching to defend myself. In preparation, I composed a list of questions for both Weston and myself that I went through in court. I asked my questions of myself in the third person, something that amuses people when I tell them (and, in truth, it sure did feel funny to do, but I wanted to highlight the fact that I couldn't afford a lawyer). My father stood with me for moral support and added some questions of his own.

The resulting decision from the judge hinged on something I didn't think was as important as the other facts in the case. I won because I wasn't home, and my roommate - who accidentally let the dog out as he stumbled out the back door to see what the ruckus the garbageman in back was fussing about (turns out, our trash was too heavy) - was not working as my legal agent. I didn't win for any of the reasons that I felt were more obvious - because the guy wasn't bitten (according to the judge, any injury he would have gotten as a result of running from my dog, I'd be liable for, so the rip in his jeans from the fence and his medical expenses would have been on me), or because the guy lied (he claimed head injuries, then explained that line in court by saying he meant "I'm hurt in my head because now I'm scared of all dogs" when clearly he meant physical injuries in the paperwork. But that paperwork appearently did not have be sworn in paperwork), or because the guy was trespassing (he somehow convinced the judge that he was on the way to our back door), or because he had no business being there (apparently garbage collectors can go wherever the hell they want). I won because I wasn't home. Weird. I figured I was responsible for my dog whether I was home or not. But, in the end, it doesn't matter why I won. I'll take it. The good guy won.

Hopefully that's the last time I'll ever be sued.

From the archives:

Acting like I know what I'm doing on March 20, 2004.

Meeting with a lawyer on April 12, 2004.

Winning the case on May 4, 2004.

How I wish I had some chick to talk to, I'm in an awful way

My Saturday nights have really sucked recently. I'm just sitting here, waiting for one of several friends that mentioned they'd possible give me a call to call me. Half of me is waiting for them to call, because I'm bored and lonely, while the other half is hoping they don't, because I'm tired from working all day waiting tables and have to do it again tomorrow morning. I really should be grading papers in preparation for grades being due next week, but instead I'm fiddling on the Internet and watching The Aristrocats. I'm feeling listless and solitary and regretful about the last twenty-four hours. Friday's baseball game continues to haunt me, and I need to let it go but I can't yet. I'm also thinking about friends and family in Michigan, and wishing I could get a plane ticket but unable to. Feeling lots of regret and wishing someone would help take my mind off things, but it's clear that it's just me alone with my thoughts tonight. Probably not a good thing.

I guess I'll just sit here, waiting around for something to happen. Tonight would be a great night for a girlfriend, a massage, and a couch.

Losing my cool

Tonight, there was nothing more than I wanted to beat this team. The opposing coach is a guy I've coached against for five years, and he's the worst kind of coach - he tries to intimidate opposing teams by doing things like having his team line up on the foul line on their knees while our team warms up in the infield. Also, two years ago, when Cal Ripken donated cleats to all city high school baseball players, this guy was in charge, and of course our team didn't get any cleats. I blamed this guy, and I still do. He also screams at his players in their face, something that I'm totally against.

So I really wanted to win tonight.

Their pitcher was tough, though. Tough, as in he got the first nine hitters out, five of them on strikes. But we made adjustments. We scored a run in the 4th and another in the 5th to make the score 5-2. The momentum seemed to be in our favor.

Then, the unthinkable happened. As the 6th inning ended, the teams started lining up to shake hands with each other. The umpires had called the game because of darkness. It was almost 6pm. Not dark at all. We had an inning left to go and we were finally getting to this guy, but the umps called the game.

The team was irate. I was irate. I was so mad that I followed the umpire out to his car. I told him that a little bit of communication would have made this go a lot more smoothly. He informed me that he was under no obligation to give me any communication, that he felt it wasn't safe. I told him that the same thing happened on Tuesday, and that the umpires consulted the coaches, and that we played until nearly 7pm because it wasn't too dark to play. He said that had nothing to do with him. We continued bickering, and then I started screaming because I felt like he was ignoring me. A woman was holding back my players. I yelled at him that he was being lazy and just wanted to get in early, that he just wanted to get out there and enjoy his Friday night. He said, "I get paid the same way weather we go in now or later, so why does it matter?" He must have mispoke, because that made no sense, since that was my point all along, and that made me more and more angry. I was yelling like crazy at him, using the language that is strongest for me when I get into situations like that - "ridiculous" and "asinien." Nope, no f-bombs for me in that situation.

I yelled for a while, making myself and my team feel better, while he scribbled notes down on his pad, saying he's going to report me. I wonder if I'll get suspended for a game or something. I doubt it, as I never cursed and wasn't abusive. I'm also reporting him, because I feel like his judgement sucked in this situation and he handled it very badly. You don't surprise anyone with calling the game because of darkness when it's not even dark. It was his fault that it escalated, which is why he's a poor umpire. Forget the bad calls throughout the game - they happen - but this was purely little league.

I was angry for a few hours afterwards, so much so that I threw things in the locker room and generally was just a miserable SOB. But I can handle losing. It's this sort of little league shit that I can't handle. There was no reason to call the game, and his poor decision cost me my temper and a possible victory for our team.

I'm still mad, just thinking about it. Umpires suck.

Alphabet Soup

A. Today, we figured out how to hook up the pitching machine to a generator for batting practice. It was cool, even though I had to buy a $30 extension cord at Home Depot to do it. The kids are tired, though - playing three games in four days in this weather will do it to ya, I guess. Big game Friday night, then we have one of our chief rivals on Monday (they beat us twice last year in a doubleheader sweep). I feel like this is a killer schedule.

B. Does anyone have any insight into whether or not I should bother fighting a $100 red light ticket in Washington DC? I got one in the mail the other day, and it really sucks. I don't even remember being in that blasted city in February. One way you can get out of it is to say someone else was driving - but you have to provide their name, address, and driver's license number. After reading that, I'm embarassed to say that I have been racking my brain for a dead relative from whom I might be able to obtain a driver's license number. No such luck, however.

C. I'm somewhat anxious because the Baltimore Sun Spring Sports Preview is out tomorrow (I believe) and want to hear what they have to say about the 11-5 season we put together last year. Probably another year without a mention, I guess. Maybe it's best to be a snake in the grass.

D. I'm hoping to do some serious drinking tomorrow night.

E. After listening to two separate features on Andre Braugher today on NPR - including one in the afternoon that featured a lengthy clip from what sounds like an enthralling episode of Homicide - as well as reading an article about him and the new show in today's Baltimore Sun, I'm actually regretting not having cable right now so I might be able to watch that new show of his. I wish network TV would put on stuff that sounds as good as Thief does. I was going to get into that new Love Monkey show a few weeks back, but they cancelled it after three episodes, and there's nothing else I want to watch on network TV right now.

The results tonight

A 10-10 tie to a team we should have beat. It's officially a suspended game, and we'll be finishing it off later in the season, with runners on first and third for us with one out. But we should have won it. We flipflopped leads much of the game, but the opposing team just wasn't that good - we just beat ourselves with errors. However, it looked like we were going to pull off the victory with some late inning heroics again. We scored five in the top of the last inning to take a 10-6 lead. All we needed was three outs, and the momentum seemed with us. But the opposition promptly loaded the bases with nobody out, on two nubbers and a hit batter. The guy who stepped to the plate with the bases juiced was their best player, a kid who played for me two years ago before we lost him to a love of basketball and the basketball coach at the other school. Kendall hit a pitch at his eyes way over the left-fielder's head for a Grand Slam. A tie game. I brought in a reliever, who promptly got three straight outs to send the game into extra innings. Then, it was called because of darkness after we got runners on the corners with one out.

I'm trying to replay the game in my head, to figure out what happened. Nothing is coming at the moment. It was a combination of untimely errors, poorly placed hitting, and bad luck. I hope this is our worst game this year.

A few observations on my life right now:

1. If this team continues with its late inning heroics, I'm going to have a coronary.

2. I can't believe they don't have outhouses at some of these fields. Holding pee for three and a half hours in the bitter cold sucks.

3. Speaking of which, the bitter cold sucks, particularly for baseball. Our schedule this week of games on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday is brutal out there. I only have so much Under Armour.

4. I am doing so much work righ tnow that I need a personal assistant. Heck, I need two. I am a working machine. Every moment, I'm doing something.

5. Except when I'm blogging. That's my breath of the day.

The eyelids are heavy and it's 8:36 pm. I'm going to look past my laptop computer bag and the papers to grade that are bulging out of it, and hit the sack and try to squeeze it in tomorrow. I feel like I'm living life well right now, but I'm worrying about overdoing it in this current whirlpool state. I'm not going to be able to keep up this pace forever, that's for sure.

Walk-Off Victory

After losing a 1-0 shutout in the 6th inning, and falling down 3-1 going into the bottom of the inning, did my boys lay down? No. They scored one in the 6th to make it 3-2, then came back in the 7th and scored two more for a 4-3, walk-off victory. My best hitter led off with a single up the middle that the center fielder let go through his legs, turning a single into a triple. The next guy up walked and took second immediately, just sprinting there while the pitcher looked foolish. The next hitter hit a little grounder up the first base line, and the guy on third scored, tying the game. Then my next hitter got intentionally walked to load the bases. A hard grounder to shortstop that was bobbled got the winning run in.

It was the single most exciting high school baseball game I've ever seen.

And I remember Frank Tanana's 1-0 shutout of the Blue Jays in 1987, a game won on Larry Herndon's home run in one of the greatest comeback series of all time. So that's saying something.

I came home hoarse, chapped, and excited beyond belief. What a good team we have.

Bobby from a colleague

Many of you have been following the tribulations and joys of "Bobby," the kid I've had followed closely for the last four years, and was recently awarded the four-year scholarship to College Park U of Maryland. This is an e-mail a colleague wrote to the department about him. I thought it would be cool to document another perspective of him.

"As you may know, one of our students, "Bobby," was awarded a full scholarship to University of (Protection from Google) College Park a couple of weeks ago.
Bobby was in my College Writing class last year. I could tell he was a fairly bright and interesting student from his comments in class, but he failed the first quarter because--surprise, surprise--he missed a lot of classes, clowned around when he was in class, and didn't write several of the assigned essays. However, Bobby decided to buckle down.
He is the only student I've taught at (the school) to go from an "F" in one semester to an "A" the next. And I don't hand out "A's" readily. In the second semester, if he received a lower grade on an essay, he came after school and asked me how he should revise it. His writing really improved and he earned my respect.
Bobby wrote a college application essay in my class, but this year, he decided he wanted to revise it again, to make sure it was strong, and he asked for my suggestions. He completed a couple of revisions, and I told him it was an impressive piece. He mailed it off.
Last week, after he got the news about College Park, Bobby showed up at my classroom door. I thought he was going to thank me for helping him with the essay. But when he shook my hand, he said, "Thanks for failing me."
"What?" I was confused.
"Thanks for failing me," said Bobby. "It made me work hard."

See? He's a special kid.

Inside Man

Even though I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now, to the point where I'm getting angry and resentful for the smallest things, I'm still not too overwhelmed to be really looking forward to that new Spike Lee, Denzel Washington, and Jodie Foster movie. Woah. That sure looks good.

By the way, I don't want to scare anyone with the "angry and resentful" comment. It just means that right now, I'm working so hard, and doing good work, that I just can't tolerate any sort of incompetence or laziness in those around me. This means that when Barnes and Noble didn't have my book shipment in, I was rude to the people on the phone. This means that when my supervisor asked me what I needed today, I told her, "A classroom. You know, like you've been promising me since September" with only a slight laugh to let her know that I was (not) joking. (Floating between classrooms gets worse and worse, by the way. I am so pissed off about it, every moment of every day, which each squeaky wheel of my cart.) This means that when I found a pitching machine in the basement in a box, a donation from the Ripken Foundation that no one bothered to tell me about, I made no attempt to hide my shock or outrage with those who put it down there last year. This means that when North Avenue decides to give all English teachers a benchmark, something I'm supportive of and try to provide scaffolding for at other times in the year, this time I'm just beyond pissed about it, because I have a meticulously planned Romeo and Juliet unit and now I have to take a break from Act I, Scene 4 to give a test that has absolutely nothing to do with my current unit. They should give us the quarter to do it, whenever it works for our units - not give us two days to complete them in. Grrrrr.

In short, don't mess with me right now. Especially on a Monday. Especially on First Game Eve. Especially the week grades close.

Wow, do I ever need to get laid.

Preparations underway

I'm feeling beyond overwhelmed right now. My team's first baseball game is tomorrow, but it's supposed to snow tomorrow, and I have to be honest that I'm hoping that it does. I'd much rather have the game rescheduled for a nicer day, and much rather have a much, much needed afternoon in my office to grade and catch up on life than shivering through a ballgame.

Tomorrow will consist of a lot of getting ready for the game. Tonight, I went up to Dick's Sporting Goods after dropping three kids off around the city. We don't have enough uniforms, and I bought three tonight to give to the three who will not be getting them. Tonight, I have to find my cleats, my baseball belt, and my scorebook tonight. Tomorrow, I have to get baseball passes printed up, put in an announcement, draw up my lineup, get the bases nailed down, go over grounds, assign tasks in the locker room, and coach third base.

The team is looking really, really good, though. As I stated in my interview with the school newspaper today, "I've never seen a group of such talented kids in my five years of coaching at the school." If anyone in the Baltimore area wants to see some good city high school baseball this spring, you should drop me a line and come see a game.

Taco Bell

When I was growing up, it was a big treat to go to Taco Bell. It was a forty minute drive from my little hometown, to the comparative bustling metropolis of Holland, MI, and we always looked forward to trips there. I loved the food and couldn't get enough.

When I went to college, my love affair with Taco Bell continued for a couple of years. It was right there on Grand River Ave, and I went once a week or so. One of the strange things I did in college was collect Taco Bell hot sauce packets. I would keep them in my dorm fridge, and pop them out for little snacks. I'd rip open the pack, stick it on my tongue, and I'd have a little rush of spice. I loved them, and eventually had relatives collecting them for me so I would get whole baggies of them. I've never been a fast food eater at any other fast food restaurant, but for the first couple years of college, Taco Bell and I were tight.

This stopped after I got serious about my health. Taco Bell didn't have much place in the world of a guy on his way to a 120-lb weight loss, which I experienced between 2000 and 2002. I doubt if I've eaten there at all in the last five years. This is even though I know that Taco Bell is certainly no worse than much of what I eat, or much of what is available at other restaurant. My Taco Bell item of choice, the bean burrito, has 370 calories, 12 grams of fat, 13 grams of protein, and 54 carbs. The latter amount is huge, but it also has a lot of fiber - 12.0 grams - amongst the carbs. So it's not terrible, I must admit.

Tonight, I went to Taco Bell for the first time in years. I was giving a kid a ride home to somewhere in West Baltimore, and we passed by a Taco Bell out near Edison Highway. It was 7:30, and I knew I hadn't eaten, and figured he hadn't either. I got a grin on my face, and said, "Jamel, you want some Taco Bell?" He answered affirmatively, so I went through a drive through for the first time in ages, and we both filled ourselves with hellacious Mexican food. It doesn't taste nearly as good as an adult as it did as a kid.

Body shutdown

The weekend was an exercise in recovery. I'm busy as hell right now, but it's a different busy than I often am. When I'm working 30-35 hours a week waiting tables and then teaching on top of that, sure I'm busy, and I'm also miserable. Now, I'm working my ass off by teaching and coaching, with just a little bit of waiting tables thrown in. Therefore, I'm busy, but not miserable; I'm content and happy right now with my schedule. While I'm whiny when I'm miserable, I'm not whiny when I'm happy - so it's a little harder to notice that my body is not functioning properly.

This weekend reminded me. I came home late on Friday night from school, and eventually headed out to a former colleague's annual St. Patrick's Day party. I was beat down and exhausted from the week, and stayed only about an hour and a half. My alcohol consumption for the night (and, indeed, for the entire weekend) was three sips of beer; the rest is probably still sitting on the windowsill at her house. I switched to water, then went home shortly thereafter. On Saturday, I slept in a little, then went to the gym, trying to un-Cadbury Egg myself. It felt great, so good that when I got home in the afternoon I was ready to have a rollicking night on the town. That mood lasted for all of an hour, when my body went into shut-down mode. I'll spare you the details, but the rest of my night was spent halfway grading papers and halfway in the bathroom. My body needed to purge itself, and it picked much of the night and the next morning to do so.

Today was my loan shift at the restaurant this week. I went in, made my seventy bucks, and then went home, content that I made enough to heat my house for about a week.

Goals for next week, which promises to be more blistering than this week, include more trips to the gym. I must not consider running baseball practice exercise, because it's not.

Dilemma

My team captain, my DH, came to the beginning of practice yesterday to get his uniform. He then left, leaving a message with other students that he had a job interview and couldn't make it to practice. I'm trying to decide if this infraction of mandatory practice rule (unless you get prior approval with a valid reason rule.) I understand needing to stay after class with a teacher; kids bring a note to me and that's that. I understand college visits that kids tell me about first. But a job interview just doesn't pop up during the day. He had to have known about it Thursday, and it pisses me off he didn't communicate it with me, and I think it might cost him the start on our opening day, despite the fact that he's played for me for four years and was slated to hit cleanup.

I'll talk with him about it and see what his reasoning is. Maybe it was an emergency job interview. I just kind of doubt it. And missing the second-to-last practice before the first game is definitely an error in judgement on his part.

In other news, I'm three uniforms short this year, because three kids didn't turn in their uniforms last year. It becomes out of my hand at that point, but I'm pissed off that the paperwork I filled out for them wasn't held to them; they shouldn't have graduated without having turned in their materials and equipment. I'm going to try to hunt them down at Virginia Tech and the University of Maryland to get these uniforms back.

Bracket Screwed Up

Well, my NCAA bracket are all screwed up already. I picked Michigan State to go all the way, because it just didn't feel right to bet against my alma mater, but they're eliminated. Iowa, Kansas, and Wisconsin are all gone as well. Ohio State is the only Big Ten team still in it, I think, so now I turn my fandom to them. I'm also hoping for a long run by Villanova, since I had them going to the championship.

I'm disappointed I won't be able to replay my miniature Michigan State fan section at Rocky Run this year for a final four game, though. Last year, it was complete with face painting and dancing mascot props.

Of course, the NCAA tournament is generally just a signal that Opening Day is right around the corner for me, so most of my attention is elsewhere.

Things that stressed me out today

1. While buying donuts for my 2nd period class on the way to school, I have to run outside to my car with at least ten people in line behind me to get a dollar bill because I'm 23 cents short on my total.

2. Because the lady at Dunkin Donuts took an atypically long time, and because the Baltimore traffic was abnormally bad because of the snow, I got in at 8:05 instead of 7:55.

3. A student had parked in my spot.

4. I see three other students get out of separate cars in the teacher parking lot. Someone isn't doing their job in making sure it doesn't happen.

5. I confront one of the students, asking her why she thinks the rules don't apply to her. She says that if teachers want their spots, they should get to school early. She's a bitch. I don't know who she is and she's lost in the crowd.

6. I talk to our "wecurity supervisor" about the problem. He says that they're only out there until 7:50 checking on the cars. I tell him then there's a problem with the system, someone needs to be out there longer. His reply? "I ain't standing out there in the snow." I tell him that someone needs to. Ugh.

7. For my lunch period, I run up to Towson to get my book order of twenty copies of Romeo and Juliet. Only six are in. This pisses me off beyond belief. I'm even rude to the cashier. On the way back, I'm five minutes late to my class, and no one backs me up and covers in there. I guess on the good side, I wasn't caught.

8. The kids, it being Friday afternoon and all, are abnormally loud. I keep having to get up and move people around.

9. I discover that three of my seniors did not turn in their baseball uniforms last year, meaning I have three less jerseys than I thought I would have.

But it all went away after three hours on the baseball field. What a great group of kids and a great group of baseball players.

Now I'm off to drink beer and celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Tomorrow, a much needed day of rest.

Consumed

I know my posts are sort of boring this time of year, and that's basically because my life is so consumed by coaching baseball. It becomes what I think about most of the time, and thus what I write about most of the time. Since I work ten or eleven hours a day, and sleep about seven hours a night, that leaves about six hours of free time. Baseball now takes up three to four of those hours. Luckily, I like it and don't feel stressed out even though I'm so swamped I should probably feel a little stressed out.

Today was the 9th grade field trip. We attempt to do it every year, and this year was another success. Taking three hundred 14-year olds across the city on a field trip that cost them $16 each to see Romeo and Juliet is a mammoth task. Luckily, I was not in charge of it this year. I was sort of second in command - a colleague and I volley on and off every year - but the brunt of the stress fell to her. I think I'm going to get her a gift certificate to Staples or something for her hard work.

My fantasy baseball team drafted last night, and I drafted a bunch of good young players so I'm excited about the team. I'm not sure if I'll win, but I like to follow the rookies so I hope that Delmon Young, Prince Fielder, and Scott Baker come up big.

Coaching versus teaching

I'm currently the only head coach of a sport at school who is also a classroom (non-gym) teacher. This fact just came to me. Some principals, like the one who was at the school from 1994-2004 (including my first three years of teaching), emphasized that the coaches should, whenever possible, be teachers or staff members. During the last two years, this emphasis hasn't occurred, I guess, because we have a lot of people who come into the school in the afternoon to coach. I have not even seen any annoucements of vacant coaching positions on internal memos in the school, either - it's clear that no one really thinks it's important that teachers are hired.

I can see some positives to this, particularly if the person is really skilled at the sport or really skilled at coaching, and if the alternative is a teacher who knows nothing about the sport. However, I think it's important that kids have access to their coach during the day. I also really value the relationships I gain with my students through coaching that I don't get to gain through simply teaching. I see kids in a different light and they do the same with me. Still, a debit to this is my regular students don't have as much access to me this time of year. I'm still maintaining quality unit plans and lesson plans, but if a kid is absent, he or she can't come find me after school because I am on the baseball field every day from 3pm until 6pm or 7pm. Or, if a kid is having problems, he or she will have a hard time finding me for help. I try to be as flexible as I can, telling them they can come find me during their lunch periods and halfheartedly offering to come in early before school to meet, but there's no doubt that I'm not as helpful with them now as I am during the rest of the year. I definitely think it's worth it; I look forward to coaching baseball all year, as it gives me an immense sense of pride. And kids get so much life skills from being part of an athletic team that many don't get from any classroom. But I worry every now and then, especially today, when this sweet all-A student who used to come every day after school for extra work, told me, "Mr. (E), you're just too busy this time of year" with a sad smile. The guilt, the guilt.

I'm definitely feeling it on the workload end, as well. Last night, I stayed up through both David Letterman and Conan O'Brien, which were both on in the background as I graded stacks and stacks of papers. I really detest grading. Teaching would be so cool if I didn't have to grade. I've got to figure out better ways to assess; I just do.

Speaking of coaching and being outside, somebody needs to do something about this wind. Apparently, though, that's not all that's coming - snow is on the way on Friday. This is utterly ridiculous. Today, I held practice inside. That sort of sucks, because we don't get the gym, we get the back hallway in the basement, so there's a lot of standing around. Tomorrow, I think I've got to take them outside no matter how bad the weather, or else we'll get soft.

I'm getting anxious and nervous about the baseball season. I'm practicing my opening speeches. I'm deciding whether I should punish my first baseman for taking two practices off to talk with representatives from Princeton University and then to go to the state finals for speech and debate. Both valid reasons, but I still need him at practice. I have my lineup figured out, I think. Things could change, though.

First game is Tuesday (3/21), then that's followed up by games on Wednesday (3/22), Friday (3/24), Monday (3/27), Thursday (3/30), and Friday (3/31). It's going to start quickly and go fast.

I'm treading water, just barely, in my classes. I discovered today that six of my twenty-three Honors kids in my 2/3 class are passing. Somehow, they think they don't have to do the things they're expected to do, but it does eventually catch up with them. They'll be okay. Today I scared the shit out of them.

No working VCR

Today, I was extremely excited about doing my Act I, Scene 1 comparison of the 1968 Zefferelli version and the 1996 Luhrmann version of Romeo and Juliet. I got the kids in a little tizzy as we went over their analytic questions for the scene. I was so excited, and then I put the movie in - which worked in the morning when I tested it - and it didn't work. I tried all four shit VCRs that our department has (one is the school's, one is mine that I brought from home three years ago, another belongs to a teacher that hasn't taught at the school in five years, and I don't know where the fourth one came from).

The VCRs never worked, not one of them, and I was so angry that I surprised myself. In fact, I cursed, away from the students. I was so well-planned today and spent a lot of time on somethign that required me to use a working VCR for approximately 25 minutes (about 12 minutes per film), something that would have fulfilled my obligation to teach students how to analyze film media this year (it was my first movie all year), and it didn't work. I was so excited and so let down that I could hardly see straight.

This is just something else I can blame on floating, because in the past, I always had a VCR set up hooked up to my TV, and didn't have to worry about pushing something around in the hopes that it would work. Now, I'm wondering how I'm going to do this lesson; I'm considering going to Best Buy right now and buying a VCR. I know, I know - who uses VCRS anymore? Well, everything the school has is on VHS, and I'm quite sure I wouldn't be able to find a TV new enough to hook up to a DVD player. Heck, my home TV isn't even new enough to hook up to a DVD player. The eight-year old TV has to use one of those $40 RHF Modulators for a DVD player to work, and I'm not about to buy that to go along with a DVD player tonight so I can do this lesson. Even though the lesson is awesome and the kids love it. Okay, yeah, so I might.

It worked out okay, though. My moments of anger tend to dissipate quickly, and we just went on with the reading of the play. It's really exciting to see the scaffolding I've provided for them work so they understand Shakespeare on the first try. The day went okay for the rest of it. I still can't believe that I have to go out and buy a VCR in order to do this lesson, though. I wonder if I can figure a way around it.

My department head left early (as usual) today, and I regrettably answered the phone in our shared office today. I figured that because the office knew she was gone, that maybe the call was for me. Oops, big mistake. I should have let it ring. It was the principal's secretary, requesting the presence of a representative of the English Department to attend the Administrative meeting with the Principal, Assistant Principal, and all the Department Heads and Supervisors. Since I answered the phone, the task was left to me. The meeting took an hour and forty minutes, going from 1:40 until 3:20, taking away my entire planning period. It was sort of interesting to see some going-ons behind the scenes of the school, but I still could have used the time elsewhere. My planning period has been filled lately with tons of grading and lots of planning of baseball practice, so I was deficient in that area today.

Speaking of which, what miserable weather all of a sudden. Eighty degrees yesterday, then very cold and windy today. The first game is in a week and I hope the weather breaks a little back to what we saw yesterday before that time.

***

I was linked at Education Week, a site set up by Teacher Magazine, today.

Cinco

1. I cannot begin to explain how fun it is to spend three hours playing baseball with a group of twenty great kids on a field overlooking the city, so it feels like you're in a sanctuary from the traffic and noise and it's just you, the kids, some balls, a bat, and the grass.

2. I'm finding that now that we're into the second week of the practice season, all that doodling I did over the winter about lineups and matchups for the team was a waste of time. Kids are surprising me. It looks like BW will be able to be my shortstop, which is good because he's a great kid and he's a senior who's played about six or seven games total in his four years playing for me (all pitching). I'm having a hard time deciding on who will be my second basemen, and shortstop is deep, so BW will have to continue to play well. I'm now sifting through several different lineup possibilities, trying to decide on one that works for the first game. Then it's back to teh drawing board for the second game.

3. I had almost forgotten how much fun it is to teach Romeo and Juliet to 9th graders.

4. Students are continually shocked whenever I mention the use of a sycamore (punning on "sick love") in Romeo and Juliet is very similar to the use of a sycamore in A Lesson Before Dying and is also very similar to the use of a sycamore tree in Jay-Z's "December 4." They say "What do you know about Jay-Z" as if I shouldn't be listening to him because I'm white; I say, "What?, I'm not allowed to listen to Jay-Z?" and they laugh.

5. Maureen Stapleton died. Only Wilford Brimley remains from Cocoon. Don Ameche was 77 when that movie came out and he died at 85 (prostate cancer). The old guy who played Barney was also 77 when that movie came out, and he died at 82 (stomach cancer). Hume Cronyn was 74 when that movie came out and died at 92 (prostate cancer). Jessica Tandy made the movie at age 76 and died at age 85 of ovarian cancer. Now the first of the younger two have died. Maureen Stapleton was 59 when she made the movie and died at the age of 80. Wilford Brimley was somehow only 51 when that movie came out and he's now 71. Wilford will have to live 21 more years to tie Hume Cronyn as the Cocoon cast member to live the longest. Maybe the oatmeal will help.

Upcoming week

At CPR/First Aid training on Saturday, our instructor told us that the five jobs most affected by stress resulting in heart problems are police officers, lawyer, doctors, fire fighters, and... of course, teachers. All these people have no set schedule, and live for the sake of others. I'm reminded of this fact as ponder my 85-hour work week last week and look over the course of the next week, which also going to be jam-packed.

Monday: Observed first period by two folks from Morgan State, ovserved fifth period by the head of English instruction for the city. Have a seven page document prepared for tomorrow morning that needs to be copied, stapled front and back. Hopefully, the internet and the copy machine will both work. Crossing my fingers...

Tuesday: Need to figure out how to do my scene by scene comparison of Act I of Romeo and Juliet with Zefferelli's 1968 version and Luhrmann's 1996 version. This will be the first time I've used film this year, and have no idea how it's going to work while floating from classroom to classroom.

Wednesday: Beware the Ides of March! I have my fantasy baseball draft this day. It's actually not something I'm stressing over; it will be pretty exciting (though a late night).

Thursday: The entire 9th grade is going to a college to watch a production of Romeo and Juliet. I am seriously dreading this trip with every fiber of my being. If it sucks, kids will holler at my for weeks over its $16 price tag. If it's great, I'll still probably hear about it. If we're late coming back, I'll hear about it from administration. It is truly one of the most stressful things in the world to plan a field trip, collect hundreds of dollars to go, and then finally go. And I wasn't even the point person this year.

Friday: Happy St. Patrick's Day! I'm heading over to an Irish friend's place for Guinness and music. My social life right now is non-existent, so I'm looking forward to this a great deal.

February's Mixed CD

I've taken to making myself mixed CD's - one per month. I try to follow a theme, but sometimes - like Februrary's CD - I don't do that great of a job. I'm posting this so I can look back at it as I continue to make these for myself and see what I was thinking.

1. Watching The Wheels (John Lennon, Acoustic)

2. Heart Of Gold (Neil Young With The Stray Gators)

3. Trouble (Ray LaMontagne - KFOG to iTunes - EP)

Tracks #1-3 all speak to me a great deal right now. In fact, "Heart of Gold" might be my theme song of 2006. Both Lennon and Young are stoic; Lennon is just watching the wheels go round and round, and Young, even though he's worried that he's "gettin' old," he still doesn't sound desperate to find his heart of gold, despite his travels around the world. And LaMontagne, who is good enough that he fits right in with Lennon and Young, is haunted by the personified trouble, who finds him every time. I can relate. His lyric reminds me of Sam Shaber's lyric about her demons coming out to find her, and how they're so convincing. These songs speak to me because I, like everyone else, has these demons or troubles that seem to bubble to the surface no matter how much I think I've conquered them. Still, LaMontagne's haunt is cured by a woman, and even though the haunt in his soulful voice makes it seem like it could resurface anytime, his lyrics speak of conquering it. I like that.

4. Every State Line (Ani DiFranco, Live)

This one's jarring. Once one of my favorite DiFranco songs, its lyrics - "Are you an American citizen? Yes, sir, so far..." - fit better in my pre-9/11 view of the world. DiFranco is still spot on when she discusses relationships ("Gravel" is a sublime masterpiece; even the spare "Both Hands" stands the test of time), but her political songs from the late nineties now sound grating to me. I still like politics mixed in with my music, but I guess I prefer them coming from black kids who grew up in the city rather than sometime lesbians from suburban New York.

5. I Never Loved (The Way I Love You) (Aretha Franklin)

See, this would have been a better follow-up on Lamontagne's "Trouble" then DiFranco's song. Franklin - for my money, the best singer of the 20th century (her terrible Super Bowl performance, I'll ignore) - has a voice that is just as haunted as LaMontagne's, and the speakers in the two songs seem alike - both transformed by their love. Franklin seems less positive than LaMontagne that this is a good thing.

6. Atlantic (Live) (Bruce Springsteen)

Probably my favorite Springsteen song, but I've got to remember not to listen to his live songs - the damn crowd always sings along too much and ruins things for me. This is a bloated version of a song that I've always thought of as small, as the working class speaker with debts no honest man can pay (I can relate) doesn't stand up to the bombast that Springsteen's live songs apparently take. This is a song that needs to be stripped down live, maybe even just voice and guitar. A misstep for this mixed CD.

7. It Ain't Me Babe (Johnny Cash)

One of my recent rules for myself was that a Johnny Cash songs belongs on every mixed CD that I make. This one just doesn't work, though. I hate the sound of horns in anything other than a high school marching band, and this song is no exception. As soon as the trumpets start blaring, the intimacy of Cash's voice is lost. In addition, I don't understand the choice for a backup singer. The song's lyrics speak of not being able to live up to a partner's expectations, so there shouldn't be any harmonizing of voices. It should just be Cash, alone, saying he can't do it by himself. Another misstep.

8. Mad Mission (Patty Griffin)

A return to the focus of the CD, whatever that might be. Griffin's song starts with a joke - "We were drinking like the Irish, but we were drinking Scotch" - but by the end of the song we realize this is no drinking song. It's a song about life's journey, reminding me a little of the song I started the mixed CD with, "Watching the Wheels." But Griffin is less stoic than Lennon is; she's ready to sign up for the mission, but the song gets less hopeful as the verses wear on - only Griffin's seared vocals let us know she's strong enough to make it to the loving cup. And even then you're not so sure.

9. Gold Digger (Kanye West)

A strange choice, to be sure, but I'm happy every time the CD hits this one. I put the song on the CD because I made it right after the song was robbed at the Grammies. This was the song of 2005, and West was relegated to Best Rap Song while a seemingly ancient Green Day song won "Song of the Year." West has better songs, but he doesn't have any that are more fun, and even though it jars with the rest of the CD a little, I still like it here.

10. The Ballad Of The Devil's Backbone Tavern (Todd Snider, Live)

Like Griffin's song previously, this is another song about life that starts in a bar. Snider's is more humorous, and more reliant on characters, especially Miss Birdy, the old lady who runs the titular bar. Snider is so good live, and this song captures him well, from the storytelling to the scratched, lived-in vocals.

11. Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)(Jay-Z)

I was late to the Jay-Z game; my first CD of his was The Black Album. And, while I liked that album, it was so full of "I'm Jay-Z, hear me roar" that I didn't really understand why he's considered the best rapper. I still don't think he is, but this song helps me out - sampling a song and turning it on its head, this song features Jay less marble-mouthed and more nimble than I think he is on much of The Black Album, and the lyrics are both funny and poignant. My only misstep here was accidentally downloading the radio version, so there are silly cuts of curse words.

12. America (Simon & Garfunkel)

I squeezed this one in right after Jay-Z, and, maybe because of that, it sounds like a spiritual more than ever. And this song is just so moving to me, for the obvious reasons - "Michigan seems like a dream to me now" is a line that captures my feelings whenever I'm homesick - to the obscure ones - like the little scene of the speaker saying, "Kathy, I’m lost, I said, though I knew she was sleeping. I’m empty and aching and I don’t know why." Paul Simon could write a lyric, that's for sure.

13. If I Ain't Got You (Acoustic Exclusive)(Alicia Keys)

I hope my kids, if I ever have them, are listening to songs like this one thirty years from now, as I listen to my parents' music from thirty years ago. Keys sings her heart out here, creating one of the most moving pop songs in recent years. This one's stripped down, so its power is even more emphasized. Wow.

14. When I'm Sixty-Four (The Beatles)

A throwaway Beatles song that gets a little more attention on my mixed CD than it does in the middle of Sgt. Pepper when I listen to it. The song's tone is bouncy and light, but it still sort of is sad to me, as only two of the Beatles will make it to age 64. Katie Couric said that the morning that George Harrison died, and I can't listen to this song without thinking about that.

15. The Great Divide (Brenda Kahn)

Contains my favorite lyrics of all time - "It will be a long time ago, someday." Kahn is the best songwriter of our generation and nobody knows who she is. It's too bad. She's apparently retired to a life of being a mother, as she hasn't had a new album since 1998 and hasn't updated her website in ages. Her album Epiphany in Brooklyn is the current (four and a half years and running) namesake of this blog.

16. What Would You Do? (City High)

A song from my first year of teaching. LIstening to it now, I have some questions about it. For example, is the female speaker a whore or a stripper? Seems a bit of both. I can't believe that this turned into a hit single; the social issues it brings up don't seem very radio friendly, what with the father raping the girl and her sister. But it's certainly powerful, and I definitely wonder how this band fell off the map.

17. Magnolia Street (Catie Curtis)

Catie Curtis's best song. Like Snider's and Griffin's songs earlier, this one is built upon the small observations it makes. Great stuff, but I'm finding it a little too slow after the City High song.

18. Unsent (Alanis Morissette)

19. Sexual Healing (Ben Harper, Live)

20. Doubled Up (Heather Nova)


I haven't really enjoyed the last three songs' placement on the CD. Morissette's "Unsent" is a great song, but comes too close after Catie Curtis's similar song about relationships. Ben Harper's "Sexual Healing" is a great cover of the song, but is too long and slow to get into on a mixed CD. And Nova's "Doubled Up" just hasn't held up over time. In college, back when I was in love, it was one of my favorite songs; now, it seems treacly.

Now I've got to figure out March's CD.

I missed waiting on a semi-famous actor by just a few hours

I've only been working one day a week at the restaurant lately. I definitely couldn't do any more at this point, because I'm staying at school most nights until 8pm or so, and my weeks are filled to the brim with work. This week, I've gotten to school at around 7am, stayed until around 8pm, then gotten home to plan my lessons; then, I had to go to CPR and First Aid training all day Saturday for school. That 65 hours for the workweek, and another 8 yesterday for the training, and another 9 today at the restaurant. Eight-three hours of work this week! Holy shit. And that's not even counting lesson planning at home. No wonder I feel stressed out.

Anyhow, back to the one day thing... I worked today, from 9 to 6, and when I came in, the buzz of the restaurant was the appearance of this guy at our restaurant last night. Yes, Jesse Bradford (star of Happy Endings, Swim Fan, and Bring It On, none of which I've actually seen; but also King of the Hill and as Balthazar in William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet, both of which I liked a lot) was apparently there with a producer and two other actresses (no one recognized them, but apparently both were hot) to discuss a sitcom pilot that would be filmed in Baltimore. It doesn't quite beat Joaquin Pheonix's appearance at our humble little restaurant when he was filming Ladder 49, and especially doesn't beat Jeff Buckley's anonymous performance there during the Mystery White Boy tour (both of which were before my time), but it was still pretty cool. The other buzz, however, was that the producer - who paid the bill after the actors had all left - was a shitty tipper. Figures.

Yawn

This weekend is half over and it's already, for all intents and purposes, wasted. Last night, I was at school until 10pm, watching the school play. Later, I went to Rocky Run, only to find that they had discontinued Michelob Ultra Lite on the tap. It was the only bar I knew of that had it on tap, and my fickle self was disappointed to the point where I almost made a scene. I stayed out until late, and even though I only had three beers, I nursed my worst hangover in a while today.

What made that worse is I had to sit in a CPR/First Aid course from 9 until 4. Only it didn't start at 9; it started at 10:30, so I sat around for ninety minutes before it began because the presenter was late without explanation. The woman, who loved to hear the sound of her voice, did not give us a lunch break. I had no water. So of course I had a hangover, not able to put anything else in my system after I got there. And the course was long.

Tonight, I have to do laundry. Tomorrow, I have to work. Tomorrow night, I have to plan the week coming up - something with added pressure because I'm having two Morgan State Students observe my class on Monday morning and then the head English guy for the city on Monday afternoon. No pressure, though.

teacher's cell phone goes off at school play

The school play was last night, and I was on crowd control. I would have liked to have just sat back and enjoyed the show, but the kids were apparently jerks on Thursday night - talking and text-messagin throughout - that I decided to go and be the heavy. It was going okay for a while, when suddenly I heard a cell phone ring. I looked down towards the middle of the auditorium, getting angrier and angrier that no one was shutting it off. With some indignation, I rushed up there, ready to kick someone out for their misdeed. Then, in a moment of sheer terror, I saw my coat on the ground. Lit up. It was my cell phone. I tried pushing the buttons through the coat, trying to turn it off, and that didn't work, so I grabbed the coat and rushed to the back of the auditorium. Finally, I turned it off. Talk about mortification. And talk about totally giving up your authority in asking kids to put away cell phones that are out for text-messaging and the ilk.

I got over it, eventually joking about it. But, damn, that's never happened to me before - I swear I always leave my cell phone in my car - and it picked the worst possible time to happen.

The play, by the way, was amazing. These kids put on a rendition of The Crucible that I'll never forget.

Baseball team update

Today, my team captain from two years ago came to visit. He's doing well, and says he'll visit next time with a mitt. This kid, Richard, was a 9th grader on the varsity team when the current coach of the JV team - now a 24-year old first-year teacher at our school, which he is an alumni of - was a senior on the team. Richard was the team captain three years later, when I was coach, and now he's a 21-year old college student doing very well for himself. Richard's little brother came out as a 9th grader to play, and was a very pudgy, unathletic kid who we almost cut; he's now my team captain, a fit, muscle-bound senior and cleanup hitter. The wheel keeps on rolling, and I'm starting to feel entrenched in this place and this baseball program.

Yes, there's a JV team this year, and they're practicing on the other end of the field. It's really neat to see that happening, and I look over there, and feel a great sense of pride in a baseball program that really seems to be working. I'm excited by what the future holds. However, on the other hand, the future is now. This team is awesome. My co-coach, who led a team in Texas to the state championship, told me yesterday it was the most talented team in 25 years of coaching he has seen.

It looks like I'm ending up with 24 players. I've got 21 uniforms, so I'm going to have to figure out what to do there. I'm going to have conversations with the three bottom kids - and it's clear who they are, three seniors who are nice kids but not good baseball players, one of whom just picked up his first baseball glove this year (he's an awesome athlete, and a good kid who I've known for years, so I was happy to keep him on, especially when he volunteered to be my backup practice catcher). 24 is a big team, but the team is so deep that I can't find any chinks in our armor yet.

Well, maybe one: today was the first practice when I felt us sitting around. It wasn't cool at all. I've got to get tighter with them tomorrow because it's way too early in the season for that shit.

The corner

Today, Bobby came into my 2/3rd pd. class. The University of Maryland had sent an official letter to his house, explaining the four years scholarship that covers tuition, room and board, fees, and books. He had me read it, and then I attempted to hand it back to him. He wouldn't take it. "That's for you," he said. "I wouldn't have got it without you." He then - and this sounds so cheesy, that it could be from a movie, but I swear to god it's true - pointed out the window, down the horizon, and to a corner in northeast Baltimore. "See that corner?.. That's where I'd be right now if it weren't for you. You just kept saying, (he does an imitation of my voice) 'Things will get better, Bobby, They have to.' And they did. Thanks. Really."

I don't think that if I live to be a hundred, that I'll ever hear words that move me that much again.

It's the kind of moment - heck, Bobby's the kind of kid - that can keep me going for the next thirty years.

It's very khaki

So I decided to change things up for a bit with the new design. I wish I knew something about html, but I'm not going to lose any sleep over just choosing another blogspot template. Speaking of which, that's my cue. It's after 11pm. Oops. Thank goodness I got some work done tonight because I am positively swarming in paperwork, planning, and grading.

Today, I had to give up twenty minutes of my planning period calling the mother of a little girl who I discovered recently is a chronic liar. She comes to my class today with a pass written at 12:20. It's 12:45. I ask her where she was, and she told me that she was with the woman who wrote the pass. I make her go back to the woman (the assistant principal) to verify that the pass was written incorrectly. I tell her, "(Whitney), you're a liar. It's going to take some time to regain my trust with almost anything you tell me." Snap. The little girl does go back there, but never returns to my class after the woman sent her back. After the class, I call her mom. My department head, overhearing our phone conversation, says, "Aw, Epiph, you have such a nice way of dealing with people, even when it's bad news." So strange, but maybe that's why I can get away with some of the things I say to kids (and, frankly, to parents): my tone.

Tomorrow I have to figure out how I'm going to punish my 5/6 period class, who were dreadful with the substitute on Tuesday. One boy had his name written on the report, and I ran into him today. I'm pretty close with the kid, and close with his mom (I teach the kid's twin, as well). He's the kind of kid who thrives and craves my attention. I don't know if it's because I'm a male or because he's just a player with all his teachers, but he always wants to slap hands or talk hip-hop or sports with me. I like him; he's a good kid. But I had to spend a half hour in a meeting listening to his mom harangue him about grades, and I know he's screwing up in a lot of classes, so when I ran into him after reading my sub's report, I just got into his face with my finger pointing at him. He's taller than me, but I still just looked up into his eyes and before he could even say anything to me, I told him I was extremely disappointed in him and that I hope that someday he matures enough to be civil to a substitute teacher. He started making excuses, and saying that the substitute was lying, but I cut him off and told him that I didn't want to hear one more excuse out of him, that I don't care what he says to me, that it was his name on the letter, and there's nothing he can do about it except accept what is coming. Now, I have to figure out what exactly is coming. And, apparently, it wasn't just him - the whole class was off the hook. It is a bad class - I've sort of been working on them all year, and genuinely like them despite there being a bunch of fuck-ups in there (I keep telling them they have to get through this year, that high school will be better for them next year, but they've got to kick it in gear for the last few months) - but they've got to act better when there's a sub. My bribing them with a doughnut party before I left obviously did not work.

I'm all about the doughnut parties lately with my classes. It costs me twenty bucks to feed a class donuts and it gives me a couple of weeks of good moods and smiles and the ability to really work them hard without hearing all the whining. Maybe it's bribing. I don't know. I do know that I really remember the classes when the teachers brought in doughnuts when I was in high school.

Lastly, if anyone wants to go see what I'm sure will be a great high school production of The Crucible on Thursday or Friday in the Baltimore area, shoot me an e-mail and I'll give you details. Two of my ninth graders have roles, and a swarm of former students.

The scholarship

The official news that "Bobby" has won the coveted four-year scholarship to that big university in this state has now spread through the school, so I think I can talk about it. Officials from the university came to the school with balloons and streamers to present the scholarship to him in the middle of his 5th period class. Bobby had tears in his eyes, as did his teachers.

It really hasn't sunk in for me yet. I can't believe this kid, who I first detailed in this entry, has acheived what he's achieved.

He's been so many people in the last four years - enigmatic and underachieving smart kid, an old soul, grieving younger brother, a drug dealer, a "youth offender" who has spent nights in jail, the wrestling team captain, an honor roll student - and through it all, he has often given me faith in the educational process, and, really, about how strength of character can carry a person through the roughest times. People can change, particularly young people, and I hope this is something I'll never forget.

He's gone through things that I, at the age of 28, have never had any sort of concept of. His older brother died in his arms when Bobby was 15, another victim of Baltimore's drug trade. He was raised by his great aunt, after his absent father, drug addict mother, and young grandmother all passed away. He almost fell into a life of crime, but, somehow, he didn't. Something clicked with him and he changed. He's been able to get through it all, to the point where he's now at the doorstep of a grandly successful future.

And I look at him now, and all I can hope for is that he manages to survive the last four months in this city, and gets out and makes a great life for himself. He has to get a 3.8 this semester for the scholarship to kick in, which shouldn't be a problem, and then he'll be off to College Park on July 15. I still can't quite believe it.

Nothing that interesting

1. This is the time of year when I wish I could just plan and conduct baseball practice, and that's all. I can't believe it's 7:30pm and I just got home and I have to still run to Staples and write a vocab test tonight.

2. We have a deep and talented team this year. Today, my star football player came back, and that gives us a really, really good team. I'm thinking City championship. I even told the team in the post-practice pep talk that, "I hope you all see things starting to come together, and see that this very well might be the makings of a team that wins the city championship."

3. For the last year or so, I have not been a man that worries about money, or at least how I used to. I now have a couple thousand in savings, something I've never had before, so the tightened throat muscles and clenched fist that I used to get when I thought about money no longer occurs. I now no longer really think about it, which probably isn't the best thing in the world, but it's what makes me happiest for now. That's why I was a little surprised today when I checked and was really broke; for the first time all year, I feel like dipping into my savings to get me through until payday. Then, I remembered why. Student Loans $280. $580 at Barnes & Noble for 120 copies of Romeo and Juliet. $80 for baseball equipment at Sports Authority. No wonder I'm broke for now. The kids will be bringing me money for R&J soon. I hope.

Yes, Mark, this is Jerry in Timonium

One of the best things in the Baltimore area is The Mark Steiner Show on WYPR. Reasoned analysis from all sides, an honest host who obviously loves this city and its people who doesn't attempt to hide bias, no histrionics, and a focus on issues of great importance, most specifically education.

And one of the best things about the Mark Steiner Show is this crazy loon named Jerry from Timonium who calls in nearly every day. I don't know how I feel about his seemingly well-rehearsed rants, during which it appears he's working himself into a heart attack, but I know I'm fascinated by him. What kind of a life does he lead? Does he hear the morning ad for the show, spend the morning researching, and then call in with his analysis? The man really is a wonder. And what does Steiner think about his biggest fan? He seems bemused by him.

RIP Kirby Puckett, Bobby gets the scholarship, more

1. Kirby Puckett has died. That really sucks. There have been other baseball players of my era to die - Tim Layana, Mike Sharperson, and Dwight Lowry come to mind - but Puckett is the first star player. And what a star he was, a player whose obvious love for the game was both infectious and contagious. One of the reasons baseball is the only sport that I really care about is that baseball is the only sport where anyone - regardless of body type - can play, and Puckett was the prime example. At 5'9" and 215 lbs (by the way, very close to my exact measurements myself), he was a star, and one of my favorite players ever. What a major bummer.We prayed for him out on the practice field tonight, and, when I came home from the grocery store tonight, he was gone. What shitty news.

2. This is in direct contrast to the other news that I received today, news that longtime readers of this blog will appreciate. Remember "Bobby"? Remember that full ride to University of Maryland scholarship he was up for? Well, he got it. He doesn't even know yet, but a little bird told me that he'll be receiving the official news tomorrow. I couldn't tell him, but I did tell him to make sure he's in school and on time every day this week. Apparently it's sort of the like the Publisher's Clearinghouse, with balloons and all. I cannot believe, and I'm so happy for him, but I'm trying to stay grounded because these things can disappear in the blink of an eye.

3. This morning, I had one of those experiences that I would totally blog about if I didn't have readers that I saw once a month or so. It had to do with a bodily function that's really, really gross - no, not pooping or anything else down there - and so, so satisfying when it occurs. I just can't stop thinking about it. It may have been the best experience of this sort of my life.

4. Baseball practices are so much fun right now. Today was hitting practice, and I was very happy with a number of the hitters. This is going to be a great team, I'm almost certain. A great group of kids. I'm finding that while I'm getting to know a lot of the players well that I didn't know before, it's also a lot of fun to let the kids settle into the patterns and personas that I know them as. There's Kevin, the oldest 16-year old kid in the world, who complains about aches and pains and the cold but never, ever gives up. I try to get the kids out by 6pm, and today, at 5:50, he says, "Hey, Coach, it's gettin kinda cold out here. See, I'm turning red. And I'm black. We don't turn red." I told him to run out the field three times and he'd be warm again. He did.

5. I pitched batting practice for almost two hours straight today. I wish I had a whirlpool tonight because I'm already feeling sore.

6. I have a very strange dilemma tomorrow. I was scheduled to take a CPR/First-Aid class at the Maryland Red Cross, so I took a Professional Day off to do so, since it's for school. The school did not ask for any proof that I was going. However, I called the Maryland Red Cross (of which I am definitely not a fan... I wish there was somewhere else I could get this training because these people keep screwing up) today, and apparently they've been calling me and calling me (bullshit) to tell me that the class is full. Therefore, I'll now be taking it later in the month. When I went down to tell the woman who runs the substitute teachers for my school to tell her my training was off, she was gone. Now, I know I'm going to have a sub tomorrow, unless I call really early and cancel it (and, even then, the sub probably already is expecting it and may be on the bus on the way to school already). I think I might just take the day off, and just take another day when I have to get the actual training done later in the month (which, actually, might be on a Saturday). I'm not 100% sure, but I have a ton of grading and planning to do, and the kids already are expecting a substitute, so I think I'm going to just do it. I'll be back to school in time to run practice.

Strokes

My grandfather died of a stroke at the age of 77 in 1991. I've often thought about strokes since then, and it's coming up a lot lately. I just watched the commentary edition fo the first episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and Jeff Garlin said he had a stroke right before filming began. He was 40 years old.

Today, Kirby Puckett fights for his life after suffering a stroke. He's 44. Maybe I have to start thinking about taking an aspirin every day now (at 28) rather than later.

Crash the party

Some year, I'll stop caring what the Oscars Awards bring. It's not this year. I went home tonight depressed, as the mediocre Crash won over the poignant Brokeback Mountain. That sucks. That's two years in a row in which in absolutely mediocrity won for Best Picture, and I can't begin to figure out why - a really simplistic and cliched view on racism? backlash? homophobia? I can't figure it out. There's got to be some reason, I guess. Crash was a cliched Magnolia, a movie that I respected for its great performances (excepting Brendan Fraser and Sandra Bullock) but thought silly in its handling of race. Brokeback Mountain was the far, far superior film.

Oh well. Every other award was exactly as I predicted, although not what I hoped for.

Anyone know where I can find a beak?

A-ha! I have decided what I will go as tonight to the annuals Oscars party. A penguin. Black oxford, unbuttoned, white t-shirt underneat, black pants, and claw-colored shoes. Just because I haven't seen March of the Penguins doesn't mean I can't pay tribute to it.

Operation Pre-Drink is underway, by the way.

The Oscars

Since I was 15 and writing for The Critic - the name of the student newspaper at South Haven High School - I have written Oscar prediction articles. It's one of those things that I'm not sure why I'm so into, but I am. I don't see the Oscars as any sort of great voice in decreeing what is best about cinema, but I do find it interesting to predict. Sometimes, they totally get it right, and, when they don't (Million Dollar Baby is probably the worst Oscars winner ever), it's kind of fun to be mad about it.

I don't really feel like going into it too deeply tonight, but I want to get these down so I can look back at it next week or next year to see what I was thinking about the Oscars. In my basement, I still have the pre-Oscars article I wrote for the school paper the year that Letterman hosted. It's eleven years old.

Anyhow, I'm rooting for Brokeback Mountain. It's one of those rare movies that lives up to its hype, and really was probably the most moving film I've watched in years. There are current rumors that Crash might win, but I just didn't like that movie that much. It was fine, I guess, with good performances and cool moments, but I just don't think it had that interesting of ideas about race. My opinion on this category is not that informed, because I didn't see Good Night, and Good Luck or Munich, but I'll be happy if the favorite - Brokeback Mountain - wins, especially absent my other favorite two movies of the year (The Squid and the Whale and Syriana).

I hope that Heath Ledger or Terrance Howard beat out Philip Seymour Hoffman for Best Actor, but I'm not sure why. I guess I just am more amazed by both of their performances. Ledger is very subtle in his role, and Howard is flashy, both both just totally transformed before my eyes. Hoffman, well, I just never forgot that it was him. He did have amazing moments - when he goes in to talk to the killer right before his execution, he blew me away - so I won't be disappointed when he wins. I'd just like a surprise.

As for Best Actress, to be honest, I don't have much of an opinion. I watched Walk the Line today, and I thought Reese Witherspoon did a good job, and she's the favorite. That's the only movie I've seen out of the five nominated, so I guess I'm rooting for Reese.

I always think the Best Supporting Actor and Actress races are more interesting than anything else. In my dream nominations, Vince Vaughn got a nod for his hilarious turn in Wedding Crashers, and Jane Lynch and Romany Malco both pick up nominations for the superb 40-Year Old Virgin. But that didn't happen. At least Catherin Keener got nominated for playing Harper Lee, though, so I'm definitely rooting for her. (Side note: A biography of Harper Lee, the first ever, will be released in May, and of course I'll be reading it the first week it's out, and I wonder if it's going to reveal Lee to be a lesbian, because Keener totally plays her as one, doesn't she?) I'm rooting for George Clooney in the Best Supporting Actor category, if only because I feel like Syriana was a great movie that should have gotten more attention than it did.

I'm rooting for The Squid and the Whale for Best Screenplay, Brokeback Mountain for Best Adapted Screenplay, and Ang Lee for Best Director. And I can hardly wait to hear "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" performed.

I usually find the Oscars themselves to be anti-climactic. I don't care what people wear, and don't care about the long introductions of boring categories. But I'm hopeful Jon Stewart will be amusing - I didn't like his selection as host, because I was ready for someone a little less cynical and into movies after Chris Rock last year - and since I'll be at a party, there shouldn't be any dull moments.

Speaking of which, I'm supposed to go as a nominee, but I don't know what I'm going to do yet. Last year, it was so easy to put a nose bandage on and go as Thomas Haden Church (and I'd gladly shoulder a beating like him for the chance to mess around with Sandra Oh.

Another Saturday night and I ain't go nobody

I work every Saturday night. Lately, as I've asked to decrease my shifts at my second job, I've been working only Saturday nights at the restaurant. It's been like this for at least five weeks now. I love it - last week, I worked just one week, and I made over $200 before tip-out at the restaurant. I was so certain that I was working tonight at 5pm that I didn't even bother to call. But I did, at around 3pm, just to confirm.

Nope, I don't work. I actually work tomorrow, instead, for the dreaded brunch shift. That gives me my first Saturday night off in ages.

Part of me wants to stay in, continuing the progress I've made in organizing my things at home and grading papers. The other half of me, though, really wants to go eat some shrimp and drink some beer. Damn BaltimoreMick and his blogging about Captain Larry's!

I haven't decided yet what to do. Maybe I'll just wait and see if any of my friends call. It'll be fine if they don't, because tomorrow is a big social night with the Annual Oscars Costume and Make Your Own Pizza Party.

You suck, what's up, and jewel

As I was leaving the building to head out to the field yesterday, I heard a girl yel from down the stairs, "Hey, Mr. Epiph! You suck!"

I have a pretty friendly relationship with this girl, and she had a big grin on her face, but I had to stop, go down to her, and tell her, "Uh, excuse me? You never talk to a teacher or an adult that way."

She cowered, looking like she was going to cry. In a quiet voice, she asked, "But I say that to you everyday. 'What's up?' What's wrong with that?"

Oops. She said, "Hey Mr. Epiph! What's up?" That makes a lot more sense, actually.

I apologized, told her what I thought she had said, and told her to have a good weekend. Oops.

***

One of my favorite students is the little - and when I say little, I mean it - girl named, uh, "Jewel." I taught her last year, and we became close, and this year she's always running up to me and saying hi and telling me all about her little adventures. And she's so perky and funny that I just love talking to her. Another teacher described her accurately as just like a miniature middle-aged woman, with all the mannerisms and vocal inflections squeezed into a 4'6" frame. Sometimes, I feel like I can pick her up by her beltloop and carry her around like a bag.

Now, Jewel has a phenomenal sense of comic timing, and I love to make fun of her because she can dish it right back to me. Now that I am not her teacher, a lot of our conversations revolve around cracking on each other. So I saw her yesterday with a lacrosse racket after baseball practice.

"So, Jewel, you're playing lacrosse this year, huh? That's great!"

She looked at me, waiting for the crack. I was holding it back. "Yes, (this nickname she has for me), I'm giving it a shot."

"And how are you doing so far?"

She's still waiting for it, I can tell, but she's loosening up a little. "She says I'm doing good, I need to work on my aim though."

We continue for a little bit, and I'm ready to leave. So I say, "Well, Jewel, have a great weekend. And I'm really happy they don't have a minimum height requirement to play lacrosse."

She laughed, but without missing a beat, she said, "Yeah, and it's too sad they didn't have those pants in a bigger size. Looks like they're a little tight."

And that was it. (And, by the way, my baseball practice sweatpants were pretty baggy, but they were tight by ghetto standards, I guess.)

Jewel raised her hand to give me a high five, and told me we were even, one to one, and sent me on my way.

Feeling cold and sore

I'm sore today. After my Hurculean set of pushups yesterday, I'm definitely feeling it. Actually, it wasn't so much the pushups, as the ab exercises I had the kids do. I did the exercise where you lay on your back, grabbing the ankles of a kid who is standing over your head. You raise your legs up, and then your partner throws/pushes your legs to the ground, and you have to stop them from hitting the ground with your abdominal muscles. I demonstrated the exercise on a kid, and after we finished the first set, all the kids wanted to "do me." I chose an especially punky little kid who thought he could make me hurt. He kept tossing my legs at the ground, but no matter what, I didn't let them hit. The thing was, this kid weighs about a buck thirty five, almost a hundred pounds less than me, and I'm sure he couldn't get everything on the pushes that someone closer to my size could have done. One time, in fact, I nearly knocked him over because I was holding onto his ankles to tightly. Still didn't hurt, though.

Today, though, I'm a little sore. Plus, I've started throwing and swinging the bat now, so my body is remembering all the little pains that being a baseball coach entails - the sore obliques, the fingers that don't act quite as nimbly during baseball season, the aching thumb and ankle.

I love the feeling.

Today, though, wasn't a good baseball day. It looked nice from afar, but going out there, with teh swirling wind, was terribly cold. I got them out of their at 5pm before we all froze our nuts off.

Floating away

As I've complained about many times, I do not have a classroom. It's the first time in five years that I've been clasroomless, and it's really a terrible way to teach. I have a huge cart that I pack everything I can on, and wheel it down the hall from classroom to classroom. The kids don't see me until the very last minute, so I spend a half hour a day (six times changing classes) saying, "Excuse me... Excuse me... hey guys, you mind moving over a little?..."

It was my turn to float. Every year, an English teacher has to float, and it was my turn. However, my teaching load is huge, one of the couple biggest in the department - 170 students - and I teach all 9th graders, many of whom are fairly clueless. They have no concept that the classroom that I have is not my classroom, no matter how many times I've said it. They need help. Therefore, I shouldn't have been chosen to float. Period.

The longer the year goes on, the more irate I get. This is partly because it gets more and more difficult to float, and partly because the people above me have told me time and time again that I would have a classroom by the end of the year. Both reasons are wearing on me, big time. Floating while I'm coaching is hell, because I have so much stuff all the time. I leave with one change of clothes for school, then I go to the gym and change after my workout, then I go to school, and then I must change again after school, and then into my clothes for practice. That's three sets of clothes a day, and so I carry two duffle bags plus my school work bag with me every day. Stacking all that shit up in an office that everyone uses - along with kids' stuff, when they don't have a locker - is really taking up a lot of space. It's making it harder and harder to float.

In addition, this is the time of the year that is relentless. I have stacks and stacks of essays and I'm getting back from school every night at nearly 8pm after I drive kids all around the city to their various busstops and homes. Yesterday, I drove north up Loch Raven and then west to Perring Parkway; today, it was up over near Mondawmin Wall and later near the Safeway on Harford Rd where I dropped kids off. I finally got home and really have no energy for grading tonight after I finish my lesson plan for tomorrow.

So I have all these papers to grade and my cart is getting heavier and heavier with every day. It's horrible. In November, I was told by some powers that be that I would have a classroom when I returned from Christmas break. It's now March 2 and there's nothing on the horizon. If I wasn't told I'd have one, I would have been a whole lot better off now. Hope is a dangerous thing.

Therefore, I have started to replace the motivational quotes on my desk with anti-floating quotes. My first was, "Help! I'm floating away!" The second one was a play off my "The only difference between stepping stones and stumbling blocks is how you use them" - I put "The only difference between floating and hell is that in hell, you know what your sin was to receive the punishment." I am going to gradually replace all of my motivational quotes with anti-floating quotes. I have no idea why, really; I guess it's my passive agressiveness getting the better of me.

But that's not all. The third and fourth years of my career were intense years of tumult in the school system and the school. In the 3rd year, a budget crisis threatened my job and everyone else's I know. In the 4th year, an ineffectual new principal almost drove the school into the ground. Through that all, I always felt like my classroom was a sanctuary. I would hear complaints about the school, and I would look at the complaints with disbelief, knowing that my classroom was immune to it all, a haven from the chaos outside the door. But, now, I feel like my whole teaching world is in chaos, and I have no place to settle and call my own. People are sympathetic, they really are, but I'm so unhappy with it that it's nearly impossible to console me. I can laugh at it, on occasion, but the thing that keeps me going is that next year, I won't be floating. Because if I am, I'll be transferring to a different school as quickly as I can.

I'm starting Shakespeare this week so, really, I'm in a good mood. But just thinking about floating makes me mad, mad, mad.