Request

If anyone has any connections with parks and services, or any construction sites, I'd be very, very thankful if someone could get about four truckloads of dirt delivered to my school for the baseball field. It's in terrible shape. If it could be infield type dirt, that would be even better. But beggars can't be choosers.

E-mail me or comment if by some chance you could help out.

I cannot begin to explain what a rotten day today was

But I will try.

Stayed up fairly late, into the am hours, creating a lesson plan and handout that would have changed all my students' lives forever. (Alright, so maybe that's an exaggeration.) With my Honors kids, I'm teaching a novel - written by a prominent Latina writer, about her house on a certain street in Chicago, and I don't really want to mention it because I want to google proof myself a little from prying students - that I've never taught before. I've got a lot of goals for it, but one of the most prominent is a section of my course in which a group of three students is going to "teach" different sections of the text. They're going to complete a lesson plan, using state objectives, and create a drill, lead a discussion, and create an assessment. It might sound like I'm sluffing all the work onto my kids, but this is an intense assignment to plan. I spent a few hours completing it last night, and even put some finishing touches on it this morning.

Usually I can just sort of de-intensify things for my non-Honors courses, but, right now, I'm teaching a completely different book with them, so I planned something completely different with them. My plan for today included a crossword puzzle for homework and a vocabulary and grammar activity for classwork. I worked on them much of the evening, as well. It actually takes quite a while to create a crossword puzzle.

Because I don't have a printer at home, I always e-mail myself my documents and print them out in the morning at school. You see where this is going, don't you? The internet was down at school, so I couldn't print out all the handouts and lesson plans!

I was irate. Usually something like that wouldn't set me off, but, that, combined with my trudging down the hall with my rickety cart, since I don't have a damn classroom and have to lug my materials around six times a day, and all the papers blowing away as I trudge, just made me insane. I could barely handle it; I wanted to kick a wall. Then people came up to me and said completely the wrong things to me, and it just made it worse.

I hate not having a classroom. I hate spending hours creating documents that I needed today and then not having access to it because I can't print it out because the internet decides randomly not to work. I hate wheeling my belongings around. I hate being told by people who get paid much more than I do to do much less than I do that he or she will take care of something for me - like a large book order at Barnes and Noble - and then calling up the store tonight and hearing that, "Sorry, sir, there is no large book order for Romeo and Juliet" so my plans tomorrow are shot as well.

That last blow was the blow of the evening. After a while today, my bad day became sort of comical. I was joking about making a noose out of my keychain, and told a colleague that I would give her half my annual salary if she went and taught my 5/6A day class. So I was cracking jokes about my bad day. My students, after I told them my story about the vocab crossword, told me, "Aw, Mr. Epiph, we'll still learn our vocab - we can play vocab charades!" And it worked! So I was embracing my bad day and all its ferocity. Then, tonight, as I was driving up Loch Raven to get the books at Barnes and Noble, I decided to call and confirm about the book order. Not only is it not in, it hadn't been placed. My eyelids got hot and all I did was turn up "Hard Knock Life" and roll the windows down in the cold, angrier than I have been in ages.

Baseball tryouts start tomorrow, so I'm already primed and nervous for that. I have five adults helping me tomorrow, an unheard-of number, and that's great and all, but that means I have to give them all something to do. While I'm sure it will be nice to get back between the white lines, it also will be stressful until I get there.

It's the sort of day that I have to end early with an early time to bed, and a reminder of one of my favorite quotes: "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes, it's the quiet voice inside your head that whispers, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" Mary Anne Radenbacher, whoever you are, thank you. I need those words.

In a vortex

1. To say that I am ridiculously overwhelmed right now at work is an understatement. I have so much to grade and plan that I feel like it will not be done unless I take a sick day. And this isn't laziness or letting things stack up - I simply am working these kids real hard right now and I guess that means I'm working myself really hard. I wanted to get it all done by the start of baseball season, but I pretty much gave up that dream today. Adding to the list is a meaningless Baseball Rules Interpretations meeting tonight across town that I am required to attend. I forgot to go last year and was given heck for it, and my AD made a special trip up to the classroom today (a rarity) to remind me. After a whole winter of being excited about baseball season, I'm now nervous and overworked and wish it would stave off for another week.

2. I lost my best player last week. He's decided he's not going to play baseball because he's gotten a full ride to a major university to play football, and that university has sent him a detailed play book and a detailed workout plan that he must follow. Plus he's lost ten pounds since he was given the full ride and need to put those pounds plus ten more pounds back on in muscle before he heads down there in July. I'm still going to try to talk him into a modified playing/workout schedule, so he can still play but not practice fully with the team, but I don't know if I'll be able to. He hit .600 last year (24-for-40) with 5 home runs while playing shortstop. He was going to be my team captain.

3. After that news, I discovered this morning that my second best player is going to be out for the first six weeks of the year with a torn _____ ligament. I don't know the name of the blank. But it's his knee. He hit .500 last year with three home runs, and was my everyday third baseman. He's also the one who I brought up a couple of weeks ago to Grand Slam in Timonium. Bummer. My hopes of a city championship are on the ropes.

4. Another kid found me today to tell me that he couldn't play. However, I was happy about him. He's a really nice kid that I've known for four years, but he couldn't catch a grapefruit rolling uphill, and, because he's a senior who won't ever get a chance to play baseball again, I just wouldn't have had the heart to cut him. So this gives me another spot and one less decision to make. And, for that, I'm happy.

5. I hate this weather and hope the temperature gets back above 50 as soon as possible. Wednesday's first day of tryouts will be hell if it's like this. Brrrr.

6. My planning period goes quicker than any other period. It doesn't seem fair.

Another first date

Another first date today. This one was a blind one, and I was more nervous than the last - even got to the movie early so I could have a nerve-reducing drink next door at Tapas Teatro.

She seemed happy to see me in the lobby of The Charles, but I couldn't read any signals during the movie. Because my mindset is still middle school, I like to do this sort of lean-over thing and see if my partner is willing to sort of lean towards me, so there's at least a little bit of contact during the movie. However, she had positioned her body away from mine, turned left, and the whole time to make myself feel better I was trying to tell myself that this was just by accident, that other people really didn't think as much as I do about these sorts of things. Later, she seemed to go more straight to the front, in a sort of neutral "I could let you rest your hand on my knee or not, really, I could take it or leave it" position, and I was able to position myself so I was sort of rubbing the side of jeans, but I was sort of straining because she was turned towards the front instead of towards me, and didn't make it any easier for me, so then I figured she just didn't want it. I gave up, and eventually just didn't care any more. I was hopeful she'd want to go to Club Charles afterwards for a post-drink or something, but she was very matter-of-fact when we left, shaking my hand and asking where I was parked (of course, the opposite of her direction) before I could say anything. And that was that. I do not think I will see her again.

Oh well. It still feels good to get out there. I've actually had a pretty active social calendar lately, and it's nice.

Match Point was pretty good, though. A little slow, though.

It's so disappointing that no Oscar movies are out right now. They should have been re-released because I would have been all over Munich, Good Night and Good Luck, and Walk the Line today.

Looking good

"So, does anything on there look good to you?" I asked, gesturing to the coffee list I had handed her a few moments before.

"You look good to me," she said, putting her hand on my wrist and winking before ordering an Irish coffee.

Yes, I am irrestible to 60-year old women, especially after they've had a cosmo and three glasses of wine. She tipped me $40, though, so I certainly don't mind the attention.

I worked until close, making quite a bit of money, but spending $27 of it on a parking ticket I got while I worked. I didn't see the (brand new) No Stopping sign and I'm kicking myself like crazy for it. My first parking ticket of 2006.

After our shift ended at 1am, Zack and I walked down to the Waterfront Hotel just in time to see Caleb Stine and the Brakemen play their last couple of songs. I wasn't very social because I was exhausted by this point, but wanted to support for a little bit. I got home a little bit after 2. Thank goodness I have the day off tomorrow; I have a lot of schoolwork to catch up on. I'm really enjoying working at the restaurant when it's once a week. It's the perfect amount of time to work, and tonight's take - even post-ticket - was enough to pay my car insurance bill this month, so I won't complain.

Happy Hour @ Brewer's Art

I have been enjoying my Friday nights lately on full throttle. Each of the last several, I have left school shortly after the bell rang (yesterday, I was out within an hour!) and started Happy Hour. Yesterday, it was back to the old standby of Brewer's Art. Our code for it on the teacher's lounge chalkboard is "Art Meeting, Today, 4pm" and everyone can figure out what it is.

Brewer's Art was the usual great time. I still get mad at the smokers ruining the front part of the restaurant - you know, the part with the beautiful natural light - but forgot about it quickly as I lost myself in those rosemary garlic fries, Resurrection Ale, and great conversation. The crawfish and sweet potato soup was excellent, as well.

Afterwards, we headed to Seidel's Bowling Alley, where there was a Roots Cafe event. I've never quite seen anything like it - they close off a couple of lanes of the bowling alley to let a band play there, while you bowl along the sides. I'd never done duckpin bowling before, and definitely missed "regular" bowling, but the activity was unique enough to make the evening a blast.

I hit a wall at around eleven, as well I should, considering I woke up at 5am, but the day was a great one. And I showed everyone my new tattoo.

This will be my last Friday night in a couple of months, as I start coaching on Wednesday and will be at school until 6 or 7 every Friday from here on out.

Baltimore Education Blogs

I am not one that reads a lot of new blogs. I wish I were, but I just can't invest the time. However, a few close to home lately have intrigued me. One is My School Daze, a blog from a fellow Baltimore City Teacher, as well as Baltimore Diary, a blog written by someone who some sort of curriculum or IEP specialist in the BCCPS. It's cool to read a couple of blogs so close to home, and I've definitely been into them.

My most intriguing one lately, though, is one so close to home that I won't link to it - the blog written by a kid at my school. He's a senior, and I don't know him, but the blog is good stuff - the best teenage blog I've read (not that I've read that many). I enjoy his off-the-cuff and frank remarks. I don't think anyone really reads his stuff, because no one comments, but I was motivaed to make a comment on his blog the other day because of something mean he said about the local woman who was murdered recently by the man in the myspace ad. I left an anonymous comment about how it must be easy to say something like that if you're separated from the situation, but then directed him to her sister's blog, and pretty much just left it at that. Today, the kid posted a contrite apology - "I apologize, no bullshit and no strings attached. I realize, in hindsight, that maybe my word choice was a bit tasteless, but, I mean, it's in the past and people fuck up in the past so they can learn for the future, right?" - and I really respected it. From all indications he's a good kid.

This probably shouldn't be my announcement tomorrow, but it might be

Wanted: Tough-talking, whip-smart female student with a blowoff 7th period that I can pull her from whenever I need to. Needs to be at my beckon call anytime from 2pm until 6pm all of baseball season, later on game days. Working knowledge of baseball stat keeping desired; however, will train. Pay is nothing but I'll get you out of class as often as I can and you'll get to travel to all the "beautiful" baseball fields in the city. Position needed to be filled yesterday so the interview will not be very challenging.

No Bunny Knows Easter Better

Dear Baltimore,

Stop hiding the Cadbury Cream Eggs. I know they're out. My Safeway had everything Cadbury except the cream eggs. They even had those nasty caramel ones, as well as those even worse Snickers eggs. It's as if someone is mocking me before I can get my fix this year.

Cadbury Cream Eggs are one of life's greatest pleasures. I really should give myself a limit this year. Twenty? Twenty-five? If I have one a day, the 150 calories just means an extra ten minutes on a machine, which isn't too bad.

Let me at them Baltimore.

Thanks,
Epiphany in Baltimore

PS: I actually went to the Customer's Service Counter today to ask about the lack of Cadbury creme eggs. She said she would make a note of it. I then felt the need to over-explain myself, saying that I don't like any other sweet things (a lie) and wait all year for them. She then looked at me with a cocked eyebrow and I left as quickly as I could and hoped she didn't notice the name of my school on my jacket.

Jumped

He rushed in this morning, his eye swollen and his knuckles bleeding. He drops off his stuff, makes a big commotion, and asks for his work because he's going home early.

I take him in the hallways, and hear his story. Apparently a couple of kids jumped him on the way to school today. That's not that unusual; there are beefs between the schools and sometimes kids who go to our school are singled out and beat up because of it. But this one was unusual. My student got into some little ruckus with a boy at the busstop. The boy goes home, gets his dad, and the dad - with two other brothers in tow - follows the bus that my student got on. As soon as the bus let him off, the dad pulls over his car, lets his three boys out of the car, and leans against it. He watches, and the three boys beat the crap out of my student. In the middle of the street, with my student's notebook spilling all over. Finally, the traffic makes them scatter, and my student gets to school.

This is one of those moments when my image of people being fundamentally good gets a chink in the armor. A father driving his three kids to beat up a 14-year old boy? How on earth does that happen? It just makes me sick.

No class

Tomorrow was going to be a day off. Not a real day off, but a day off in which I received CPR and First Aid Training, which I need this year to coach. A few weeks ago, I chose this date, and thought I signed up for a course at the Baltimore Red Cross. However, I noticed over the weekend that my debit card was not charged, so I called to confirm... and I'm not signed up for the class. And now it's full. And now I have to go to school tomorrow and don't know when I'll be able to be certified in CPR and First Aid. Perhaps I'll have to give up a Saturday. I so, so don't want to do that, though. They're my get-everything-done day.

Baseball tryouts begin in one week. No precipitation for the rest of the spring except on weekends, please.

And, yes, by the way, I went through with it. Photos later, maybe.

Memories burned into my brain

The previous entry was my heat-of-the-moment entry. I've now internalized the encounter over the phone with Cam's mother for the last several hours, and now the memory is burned into my brain. I'll remember Cam for a long time, even if I never see him again, if only because I've never felt a parent's pain so palpably for losing a kid to the streets. I feel upset about a lot of things that happen to my kids, about the lives they are forced to leave, about the tumultuous lives they lead, about parents that don't seem to care. Standing aside and observing this, I often feel helpless and alone, that I can only do so much in my role as a teacher*. Today, I didn't feel helpless and alone, just helpless, and I haven't ever quite felt this sort of helpless alongside a parent. It's worse, because you can't even think to yourself, "Well, maybe his parents were just bad." It seems to be something else. And this was a choke-in-your-throat pain that comes only when you truly can't do anything about it because even the parent doesn't have a clue.

That being said, nothing else special happened today. I peed in a urinal right next to the principal, the first time that has happened in five years and four principals (although one was a woman, so that decreased the chances there!). That was weird, because he's a talker, but it was sort of good, because we talked about JV baseball. I found a roach in my miniature refrigerator at school. I had a decent lesson. I laughed a lot with my 5/6 B class, who have turned from my least favorite class to nearly my favorite. I can just make so much fun of those kids. I love it. Today, we read a poem called "Janet Waking," which is mostly a sympathetic portrayal of a young girl's first experience with death. But there are a few moments of humor in it, and I asked them to identify it as I read. They did, and laughed (something other classes did not pick up on; one kid actually said, "If you have to think about it, it's not funny."). I then told them that picking up subtle humor was a higher level thinking skill, so their laughs were a signal to me as a teacher that they understood and that they were engaging in some higher level thinking. "Oh, Mr. Epiph," they said. "We laugh all the time." And then they proceeded to do just that. Laugh all the time for the rest of class. They laughed all the time, then kept telling me, "See how intelligent we are? We're higher level thinkers!" It was absolutely hilarious. I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time.

My point of this entry was to say that today wasn't a very memorable day, but I think it was pretty memorable now that I think about it. I guess that's a good thing, although the memorable-ness wasn't entirely positive.

However, I can almost guarantee that tomorrow will be more memorable. In fact, I will say that I will probably remember tomorrow for the rest of my life.

* Speaking of which, Bobby made it into the University of Philadelphia today.

Cam

There's this kid Cam. He's in my Honors English class. He's a quiet kid, but smart. I took an immediate interest in him because he went to a fairly rough middle school where my friend teaches, a school that sends just four or five kids every year to us. I try to keep tabs on these four or five kids every year for him.

In around October, he stopped coming to school very often. In November, he stopped coming altogether. I called home, spoke with a concerned father, who said he'll do his best to get him to school. He came a couple more times, and didn't miss for about three weeks; I even called dad to let him know he'd been doing well. But then, in December, he stopped coming again. I didn't see him for two months.

On Thursday, he came back to school, led by the guidance counselor. I was happy to see him. According to both of them, he's going to start coming back now and get caught up. I sneak into the classroom before Cam to let them all know that I don't want to hear any sort of reaction of surprise when he comes in. Then I lead him in. I sit him in the back - I'd given away his seat to a girl who works well with the girl up there. I talk with him a bit - How have you been doing? What do you do all day when you're supposed to be in school? What can we do to get you caught up? - and he doesn't really answer me, just smiles and shakes his head. He's embarassed, as well he should be. I decide to leave my classroom to introduce him to his next two period teachers - who he has not met, because semesters have changed - to lessen his embarassment when meeting them. It seems to work.

I don't see him on Friday, as we're scheduled to see the kids just every other day. But I check in one of his every day courses, and he's not there. I checked again today. Still not there. The damn kid has skipped out again.

I leave a message at home, an accusatory one, saying something like, "You need to make sure he gets to school every day or he is going to drop out of high school." I then notice that I have mom's work number. I've never called mom before, just the dad at home, and decide to give her a whirl.

Surprisingly, the number is valid. I talk with the mother. She tells me she leaves every day for her Washington DC job at 5:30am. Cam's two older brothers make sure he is out of the house by 7am every day. He just doesn't go to school. She has no idea what to do - she's called Juvenile courts, the city school system, the mayor's office, the police. But nothing she does makes him go to school. He doesn't want to be at the school, and seems to have taken his application denial to attend the city arts school where Tupac and Jada Pinkett went as a license to just blow off school altogether.

I don't know whether to be mad at or feel sorry for this woman. She's obviously pained and that she cares; I can hear it in her voice. Still, I just don't get it. While no one can understand another family's dynamic completely, I still have no idea how a concerned parent cannot just force a 14- or 15-year old to go to school. Yes, people do what they want to do, but Cam is still a child.

"Well," I say. "I just wanted to call because I've never talked with you. I like Cam; he's a good kid... Good luck with him, and let me know if you need anything. Maybe things will turn around."

She thanks me and hangs up. I put my head in my hands and hunch over the table. How could a kid who seems smart and polite make his parents go through this kind of shit? How can anyone just decide to fail out of school at such a young age? People are obviously concerned about him, why is he just ducking out? Why does it happen? I can't grapple with all that, so I just put my head in my hands and sit there. I even let my eyelids get a little hot underneath my hands, hoping no one comes into the office. No one does, and I give myself a moment, and don't actually shed a tear. Until right now.

It was a long day.

Ripken Coaches Clinic

I thought I would have the day completely off. However, I'll be spending five hours with Billy Ripken and John Habyan today at the Ripken Coaches Clinic in the city. Not that I'm a name dropper or anything.

Good for the Ripken Association for inviting me (and every other coach in Baltimore City) for free. I wish the Orioles did as much as the Ripken organization to bring baseball back to urban Baltimore, but in the last few years, the Ripkens are leaving the O's in the dust. The O's, two years ago, bussed my team out for a ballgame. The Ripken Foundation has donated several dozen baseballs, a couple bats, some batting practice nets, and some other fancy equipment. All for no reason at all.

This is my feeble attempt to use my blog to get them to compete with each other.

Don't let the door hit you on your way out, Barry

So Barry Bonds is going to hang up the cleats at the end of this season, eh? Awwww. I think I feel a tear coming on.

There is no figure in American sports today that is as clueless as Bonds is about how tiresome his oh-woe-is-me I'm-such-a-martyr act is. Even listening to him - "I'm tired of all this crap going on. I want to play this year out, hopefully win, and once the season is over, go home and be with my family. Maybe then everyone can forget about me" - shows just how tone-deaf he is. You know what, Barry? I think if you went home today, that everyone would forget about you.

Barry's thoughts on race are especially frustrating to me. He uses racism as a crutch, drawing out his race card whenever he feels like he's being treated unfairly. As someone who believes that racism is pretty damn prevalent in today's world, seeing someone cart it out when it's not there is annoying. And as a coach of primarily black baseball players, who is well aware that African-American baseball players have decreased from 24% in the seventies to 9% last year, I'm disgusted that Bonds is the star he is, that the media continues to give him an outlet. Baseball is doing a good job in some areas of drumming up support for baseball in the inner cities - the facility in LA comes to mind - but Bonds is the worst delegate of the game for young people. African-American players like Dontrelle Willis and Garrett Anderson should be getting the attention that Bonds gets.

Really, though, this is about Barry Bonds' arrogance, his victimhood, his hypocrisy, and his whininess. It's not even about his cheating. If he cheated - and I think he did - then it's even worse. But it's about Barry Bonds being the most difficult guy to root for in all of sports when he should be one of the easiest. If there were any justice at all, Bonds will spend 2006 plagued with injuries and retire without a ring.

February's Mixed CD

I've taken to making myself mixed CD's - one per month. I try to follow a theme, but sometimes - like Februrary's CD - I don't do that great of a job. I'm posting this so I can look back at it as I continue to make these for myself and see what I was thinking.

1. Watching The Wheels (John Lennon, Acoustic)

2. Heart Of Gold (Neil Young With The Stray Gators)

3. Trouble (Ray LaMontagne - KFOG to iTunes - EP)

Tracks #1-3 all speak to me a great deal right now. In fact, "Heart of Gold" might be my theme song of 2006. Both Lennon and Young are stoic; Lennon is just watching the wheels go round and round, and Young, even though he's worried that he's "gettin' old," he still doesn't sound desperate to find his heart of gold, despite his travels around the world. And LaMontagne, who is good enough that he fits right in with Lennon and Young, is haunted by the personified trouble, who finds him every time. I can relate. His lyric reminds me of Sam Shaber's lyric about her demons coming out to find her, and how they're so convincing. These songs speak to me because I, like everyone else, has these demons or troubles that seem to bubble to the surface no matter how much I think I've conquered them. Still, LaMontagne's haunt is cured by a woman, and even though the haunt in his soulful voice makes it seem like it could resurface anytime, his lyrics speak of conquering it. I like that.

4. Every State Line (Ani DiFranco, Live)

This one's jarring. Once one of my favorite DiFranco songs, its lyrics - "Are you an American citizen? Yes, sir, so far..." - fit better in my pre-9/11 view of the world. DiFranco is still spot on when she discusses relationships ("Gravel" is a sublime masterpiece; even the spare "Both Hands" stands the test of time), but her political songs from the late nineties now sound grating to me. I still like politics mixed in with my music, but I guess I prefer them coming from black kids who grew up in the city rather than sometime lesbians from suburban New York.

5. I Never Loved (The Way I Love You) (Aretha Franklin)

See, this would have been a better follow-up on Lamontagne's "Trouble" then DiFranco's song. Franklin - for my money, the best singer of the 20th century (her terrible Super Bowl performance, I'll ignore) - has a voice that is just as haunted as LaMontagne's, and the speakers in the two songs seem alike - both transformed by their love. Franklin seems less positive than LaMontagne that this is a good thing.

6. Atlantic (Live) (Bruce Springsteen)

Probably my favorite Springsteen song, but I've got to remember not to listen to his live songs - the damn crowd always sings along too much and ruins things for me. This is a bloated version of a song that I've always thought of as small, as the working class speaker with debts no honest man can pay (I can relate) doesn't stand up to the bombast that Springsteen's live songs apparently take. This is a song that needs to be stripped down live, maybe even just voice and guitar. A misstep for this mixed CD.

7. It Ain't Me Babe (Johnny Cash)

One of my recent rules for myself was that a Johnny Cash songs belongs on every mixed CD that I make. This one just doesn't work, though. I hate the sound of horns in anything other than a high school marching band, and this song is no exception. As soon as the trumpets start blaring, the intimacy of Cash's voice is lost. In addition, I don't understand the choice for a backup singer. The song's lyrics speak of not being able to live up to a partner's expectations, so there shouldn't be any harmonizing of voices. It should just be Cash, alone, saying he can't do it by himself. Another misstep.

8. Mad Mission (Patty Griffin)

A return to the focus of the CD, whatever that might be. Griffin's song starts with a joke - "We were drinking like the Irish, but we were drinking Scotch" - but by the end of the song we realize this is no drinking song. It's a song about life's journey, reminding me a little of the song I started the mixed CD with, "Watching the Wheels." But Griffin is less stoic than Lennon is; she's ready to sign up for the mission, but the song gets less hopeful as the verses wear on - only Griffin's seared vocals let us know she's strong enough to make it to the loving cup. And even then you're not so sure.

9. Gold Digger (Kanye West)

A strange choice, to be sure, but I'm happy every time the CD hits this one. I put the song on the CD because I made it right after the song was robbed at the Grammies. This was the song of 2005, and West was relegated to Best Rap Song while a seemingly ancient Green Day song won "Song of the Year." West has better songs, but he doesn't have any that are more fun, and even though it jars with the rest of the CD a little, I still like it here.

10. The Ballad Of The Devil's Backbone Tavern (Todd Snider, Live)

Like Griffin's song previously, this is another song about life that starts in a bar. Snider's is more humorous, and more reliant on characters, especially Miss Birdy, the old lady who runs the titular bar. Snider is so good live, and this song captures him well, from the storytelling to the scratched, lived-in vocals.

11. Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)(Jay-Z)

I was late to the Jay-Z game; my first CD of his was The Black Album. And, while I liked that album, it was so full of "I'm Jay-Z, hear me roar" that I didn't really understand why he's considered the best rapper. I still don't think he is, but this song helps me out - sampling a song and turning it on its head, this song features Jay less marble-mouthed and more nimble than I think he is on much of The Black Album, and the lyrics are both funny and poignant. My only misstep here was accidentally downloading the radio version, so there are silly cuts of curse words.

12. America (Simon & Garfunkel)

I squeezed this one in right after Jay-Z, and, maybe because of that, it sounds like a spiritual more than ever. And this song is just so moving to me, for the obvious reasons - "Michigan seems like a dream to me now" is a line that captures my feelings whenever I'm homesick - to the obscure ones - like the little scene of the speaker saying, "Kathy, I’m lost, I said, though I knew she was sleeping. I’m empty and aching and I don’t know why." Paul Simon could write a lyric, that's for sure.

13. If I Ain't Got You (Acoustic Exclusive)(Alicia Keys)

I hope my kids, if I ever have them, are listening to songs like this one thirty years from now, as I listen to my parents' music from thirty years ago. Keys sings her heart out here, creating one of the most moving pop songs in recent years. This one's stripped down, so its power is even more emphasized. Wow.

14. When I'm Sixty-Four (The Beatles)

A throwaway Beatles song that gets a little more attention on my mixed CD than it does in the middle of Sgt. Pepper when I listen to it. The song's tone is bouncy and light, but it still sort of is sad to me, as only two of the Beatles will make it to age 64. Katie Couric said that the morning that George Harrison died, and I can't listen to this song without thinking about that.

15. The Great Divide (Brenda Kahn)

Contains my favorite lyrics of all time - "It will be a long time ago, someday." Kahn is the best songwriter of our generation and nobody knows who she is. It's too bad. She's apparently retired to a life of being a mother, as she hasn't had a new album since 1998 and hasn't updated her website in ages. Her album Epiphany in Brooklyn is the current (four and a half years and running) namesake of this blog.

16. What Would You Do? (City High)

A song from my first year of teaching. LIstening to it now, I have some questions about it. For example, is the female speaker a whore or a stripper? Seems a bit of both. I can't believe that this turned into a hit single; the social issues it brings up don't seem very radio friendly, what with the father raping the girl and her sister. But it's certainly powerful, and I definitely wonder how this band fell off the map.

17. Magnolia Street (Catie Curtis)

Catie Curtis's best song. Like Snider's and Griffin's songs earlier, this one is built upon the small observations it makes. Great stuff, but I'm finding it a little too slow after the City High song.

18. Unsent (Alanis Morissette)

19. Sexual Healing (Ben Harper, Live)

20. Doubled Up (Heather Nova)


I haven't really enjoyed the last three songs' placement on the CD. Morissette's "Unsent" is a great song, but comes too close after Catie Curtis's similar song about relationships. Ben Harper's "Sexual Healing" is a great cover of the song, but is too long and slow to get into on a mixed CD. And Nova's "Doubled Up" just hasn't held up over time. In college, back when I was in love, it was one of my favorite songs; now, it seems treacly.

Now I've got to figure out March's CD.

Saturday Day Live

1. Last night was really fun. It was a simultaneous blogger happy hour and the beginnings of a friend's 30th birthday party weekend; we hit No Idea Tavern, Mum's, and Thirsty Dog. As usual on Friday nights, I stopped drinking a couple hours before I went home (except for the lemon drop shot someone poured down my throat when I returned to No Idea to get my car and go to the bathroom), and hit a wall and had to get home before it got too late - and gosh, was I ever exhausted. But it was a good night, even if a little embarassing and revealing.

2. I was told by a woman in the bar that I look like Joaquin Pheonix. Actually, it wasn't just a woman in the bar, it was Bre, and Zack reminded me afterwards that she didn't say it was a compliment. Still, I took it as such. Maybe my costume for my Oscars Party will be easier then I think.

3. The eliptical machine assembly people did not show up in their prescribed time frame of 8am-11am. After calling Dick's Sporting Goods and unsuccessfully trying to get the number of the people they contract assembly out to, I gave up on the idea that my eliptical machine might be assembled today. I even entertained notions of returning it in a huff because they've been so unhelpful since I bought it. However, the assembly people called me about a half hour ago, saying they've run into problems today and will be there shortly. That means I'll be late for work tonight, but I want to get this done and I can handle that.

4. Wednesday will be a pretty big day in my life.

5. I'm unhappy with the current direction of Trader Joe's in Towson. The old manager was a great guy who seemed to love his job, and I knew him because we both worked out at the complex's Bally's and because he shared a first name with me. He got a promotion to head up a store in New York, and the store has taken on a new direction. All their new signs are about how much money shoppers save by going to Trader Joe's instead of Giant or Wegman's. They actually have several displays of food sold at both stores and then write things like "TJ's price: $2.99. Their GIANT price: $4.19. You save $1.30!" or, my favorite, "Their WEGULAR price: $4.29." This is fine and all, but gets a little repetitive after a while. I already knew Trader Joe's had great prices, but honestly I don't care that much. I like how the place is so friendly and has such great food. Well, the friendliness factor has decreased because they no longer do the free samples in the checkout lines. This was always one of my favorite parts of shopping there, because the cashiers would always offer me something I would have never bought myself, like frosted raspberry oatmeal dunkers, and then I might think about buying it. They've eliminated that, along with the pet photo board of customers' pets. Plus, most dishearteningly, I have not seen salmon jerky in either of my last two visits to the store. I need me my salmon jerky! If this sort of thing continues, I might have to lessen my Trader Joe's shopping from four days a week to twice a week or something like that.

6. No hangover today. Had a great workout, even.

Curses

Why must I be cursed with being unable to sleep in, even when I drink a lot the previous night? I was up at 6am today, then 7:30am, and finally 8:20am. And I'm tired.

What a strange, strange night last night was. I discovered last night that I have readers I never would have imagined. I think I've decided just to ignore my discovery and continue doing what I was doing. It's not that bad. I guess I should learn to avoid asking direct questions if I don't want to hear the answer.

Looking forward to the long weekend. As of now, I'm waiting for the eliptical guy to show up between 8 and 11 to build it.

Protest

The students are organizing a three-day demonstration on March 1-3 to protest the closing of six schools in Baltimore and the continued ignoring of a federal judge's order for more funding from the state to city schools. I've just been hearing whispers about it, but today, a senior who I had as a 9th grader came up to me with a serious look on his face.

"So, Mr. Epiph, are you having tryouts for baseball on March 1?"

"Yup... What, are you going to try out this year? That's great!"

He flashed me his grin, and said, "No, no, no, I'm not trying out. I just wanted to, um, ask you if you'd consider changing your tryouts. You see, there is the big protest those days."

I asked him to explain it to me. The federal judge, he explained, ordered the state to give the city $800 million in order to give Baltimore City students a fair education. He says they haven't, and now the state is pressuring the city to close schools and start bussing kids around the city, and the places they're choosing to close are all schools full of single-parent kids without a voice.

I said, "But isn't it better for the students if the school district is running more efficiently? Wouldn't I be able to have books for all my students if we weren't running buildings that didn't need to be run?"

He said, "Well, they wouldn't even have to close these schools if the schools were given the money promised us. And they do things like say the building is only half used, but if you look at the classes, they're full of forty kids to a room, when they should be spreading them around and having 20 students in a class room throughout the building.

"So this is just an excuse to hire less teachers, keep the class sizes near forty, and make it more difficult for kids who already don't get to school that often to get to school."

I blinked at him a couple of times, slightly embarassed that he had spent much more time than me thinking about this issue.

Then, I said, "I'm all for a non-violent protest, but why does it have to be three days?"

"Because," he said. "Grasmick, Ehrlich, and Copeland didn't pay attention when we did it last year for a day, and we think three days will get their attention." He then gave me the itinerary for the protests after I said I was worried that kids would protest by sitting at home and watching TV. On Wednesday, they'll be at the state board of education; on thursday, they'll be at the headquarters of BCPSS; and on Friday, they'll be at City Hall.

I told him that my feelings about baseball is that while I'm supportive of a protest, that the protestors need to know that their protests mean sacrifice, and that might mean being on the baseball team. I did tell him, however, that anyone could still come back to school and try out for baseball if they attended the rallies, and that I would overlook the always-ignored rule that you have to be in all your classes that day to participate in after-school activities (always ignored because it's impossible for an after school activities coordinator and coach to check on this.)

Anyhow, that's life in a Baltimore City Public School. I love a good political protest that means something. I hope the kids make themselves known. I also find it deeply amusing that this kid was "assigned" to talk to me about changing my baseball tryouts days. As if. I've got some arms to get into shape so we can win the city championship.

Conflict with student

Another rotten day. My bad mood has extended to three days (though, oddly enough, I'm feeling pretty good right now... probably because I was just able to give away my ticket for tonight's The Murder of Isaac at Center Stage in favor of some much-needed rest and an even more-needed trip to the gym), and I finally am sitting for the first time today.

The mood was so bad today that I got in a conflict with a student. Now, this was her fault, not mine - you don't decide to laugh when I ask for silence, and then you don't say "This is fucking bullshit" when I put you in the hallway to do your work - but it probably wouldn't have happened if I was in a better mood today. The class was definitely at a point, though, where I knew someone was going to have to go, and this young woman decided to be the one. Another young lady got in a similar conflict, but when I asked her to go in the hallway, she just did it - and in my discussion with her later, I complimented her on her cool demeanor. Not so with Girl A.

Anyhow, I send about one student to the office all year, and this was the one. The discipline guy down there, a jovial man with a perpetual smile on his face, called up to me afterwards, "So, Miss ______ had a little outburst in class today, I imagine?"

"Yes, a fairly minor one, but I needed her gone."

"Do you want her back later this period? I told her not many students have outbursts in Mr. Epiph's class."

"No, you can have her. Have her come see me after school."

She didn't, which means now she's getting a full-fledged writeup and I'm calling mom, so she continues to escalate the situation. If a 14-year old wants to get into a pissing contest with me, I'm going to win.

I'm also just generally feeling horribly overwhelmed by everything swirling around me right now. Essay week will do that to a guy. So will coming into school in the morning and finding plastic draping your first period classroom door, complete with a sign proclaiming "Microbiological Hazard - Keep Out" because the room the condemned yesterday with black mold. I had to find a new spot for my kids in the matter of seconds. Ugh.

The day actually ended very well, with 30 kids showing up to my Outward Bound informational meeting. That made me very, very excited. It's something that I can't believe I pulled off enough to get a full classroom; I was expecting 8 kids or so.

My day was further improved when I came home and realized that today is the first day of spring training! Pitchers and catchers reported today. Woo-hoo!

Valentine's Crank

When I came in tonight to the restaurant, the owner actually had me poke toothpicks into the stems of drooping roses to make them seem like they were more alive. It worked, and I was actually able to turn it into an amusing game for myself. But, still... pretty pitiful. Apparently he bought all these roses yesterday and many were droopy and dead today.

It was a fitting exercise in my long, bad day, a day in which I was irrationally really cranky throughout the latter part of it. However, I still was a good waiter tonight. I just saw this movie Waiting, and there was this character with severe anger management issues who went in the back and screamed and screamed but then was really, really nice to her tables. That wasn't quite me, tonight - I did all my screaming on the inside, and wasn't rude to anyone I work with - but tonight reminded me of it. I was pissed off and tired and I needed some rest but I was still able to turn on the charm with my tables.

I was the only waiter tonight, in fact, who averaged 20% tips. V-day is a notoriously slow tip day, because it brings out a lot of folks who don't eat out that often and still think mid-teens is a good tip, but my tippers were all great. And a special shoutout and apology to the Lithuanian couple who I thought were going to stiff me and who left me $40 on a $140 bill.

I'm so tired, though, and am definitely sure that the $130 I walked with tonight was not worth it. But I just noticed my BGE bills in the mail when I walked in the door, so I'm sure once I open those I'll be glad I have that.

My "free" period

I have a ninety minute planning period every day. One of my pet peeves is people who call this a "free period," because it's anything but. Today, this is what I did during my planning period:

1. Ran around to five classes to announce the Outward Bound meeting tomorrow.

2. Printed out a kid's essay that he e-mailed me, proofread it, checked what class he was in 7th period, and delivered it to him.

3. Revised my To Kill a Mockingbird soundtrack assignment from last year so I could print it out and run copies for tomorrow morning.

4. Called three parents of kids who are sliding.

5. Started grading my first batch of To Kill a Mockingbird essays. Got through five. Since I promised to have them back for the kids the next class period, I took them all home. I'll try to grade them in between tables tonight at the restaurant for the big Valentine's Day dinner.

6. I didn't even get started on my "The Scarlet Ibis" handout I want to have ready for tomorrow. It's going to be a late night.

The page I keep refreshing over and over...

I have refreshed Baltimore Sun's Closing and Delays page 25 times in the last hour. Come on, Bonnie Copeland, let's just cancel it tomorrow. We could all use another day off, and there are still some bad roads out there. All the other counties are doing it.

Update - 9:17

I was refreshing the wrong page over and over. WBAL.com reported at around 9pm that school's out in the city tomorrow. Yes!

Boys of Baraka

Just got back from Boys of Baraka. I expected to love it, and I liked a lot of it. I checked my watch the first time my eyes watered up; it was 3:43, just about nine minutes after the film started. I'm not a crier, but my eyes watered up a lot during this movie, and probably at no times more than when it focused on Richard, who was the broken heart of the film. The type of kid who, like Bobby, I would describe as having an "old soul," meaning his place in his frenetic world is one of the thoughtful, reflective, and quiet observer. This kid was the soul of the film for me, and I wish the filmmakers had given him a better sendoff than the fatalistic vision they have for him at the end, which is a woman who sees him once a year saying she would be shocked if he made it to high school and would drop dead if he actually graduated.

This cynical vision for Richard is the last we see for him, and the hope of the future lies with another profiled kid, Montrey. See, this is where I'm jaded, because I have an inside scoop on Montrey. Yes, the kid made it into a great high school, as the film shows, but he failed out after one year. He skipped all the time, and fell into the same behavioral patterns he fell into when he was in middle school. The film focuses its hope on him, closing with a beautifully optimistic vision of him enrolling in this school and saying he's going to do his best. What the filmmakers couldn't have known at the time was that he lasted just a year, and checked out long before that year was up, and seemingly didn't learn anything about how to deal with his problems from his Baraka days.

It could be said that he never would have made it that far without the Baraka school, but that's unknown. What is known is that he's now attending Forrest Park High School, his zone school, a school where 24% of kids were proficient in reading and 6% of geometry students were proficient in 2004. I know this because when we walked out of the film today, Montrey was in the lobby of The Charles, his eyes on teh faces of the audience members as we strolled out. I wasn't sure why he was there; maybe he was just seeing the movie. We talked to him for a while, and he says he wants to go back to that good school he got kicked out of, and that's great. But it's clear that the year in Baraka may have helped him get into a good high school, but it didn't help him stay. Maybe he will make it back. We can certainly hope.

I do not mean to bash the Baraka School. For one thing, none of these kids featured got to stay in the school for the two-year enrollment; it was closed for security concerns after a civil war erupted in the area surrounding Kenya. (The scene in which the news of the school closing is delivered is particularly heartwrenching.) It seems the Baraka School was serving as a liferaft for kids to traverse from their troubled elementary school experiences to a decent high school instead of attempting to go through the city's almost uniformly horrible middle schools (there's only one I would send my kid to if I had any, while there's four I high schools that are decent), but the liferaft was sunk when they were only halfway finished with their trip. Still, the sense of defeat these kids feel when they return was disappointing. The world had opened up for them, they had seen that there is a world beyond Beltimore; why are they so fatalistic when they return? I'm talking about Richard, mostly, the kid that ripped my heart out in the movie.

I've taught three kids from the Baraka school. One I had during my first year of teaching; he was a nice, quiet kid who was a terrible writer and later failed a class for plagiarism. However, the other two kids are two of my all-time favorites. I had them both as freshmen, and they're now Juniors, and they're two kids who always make a point of coming to see me to tell me how they're doing. Both were insightful, polite, and smart kids who have done well at the challenging school I work at. I've seen the program work. It's sad it's not happening anymore.

And so the film turns out to be probably all I could have expected it to be for me: moving, even devastating, and frustrated, even infuriating. And that latter part is on all fronts - infuriated by the system, devastated by the kids, frustrated at the filmmakers. The Baraka School itself is shown to be not a savior, and the filmmakers sort of emphasize that there are no easy solutations, just that this was one that sometimes worked. And then it was ended, prematuredly after just 84 minutes. I find the filmmakers' lack of classroom scenes to be troubling, almost to the point where I wondered what they were hiding. What did these kids learn? Where were the moments when they learned? Were they transformed? The film's ending is so cynical - some of it because I know what happened with Montrey - that the only conclusion I can come up with it that these kids weren't transformed by education. And that's the saddest part of all.

Props for providing something that shines some light on this problem of urban education that the nation will continue to both inflict and suffer from for years and years. Now I wish someone would make a documentary about some of these kids that don't go over to Africa. Why do they have to go to Africa to be deemed worthy of a documentary? These kids go through more than most people could imagine.

The snowstorm of 2006

When I opened the back door to let Holden out and couldn't budge the screen door, I knew we got a bunch of snow last night. Later, I headed out to the car - I live on a snow route, so I parked on a side street last night - and it's not close to being movable. My plans to see Boys of Baraka this afternoon appear to be on hold.

At this point, 11am on Sunday, I'm not sure how we can have school on Monday. The condition of my side street seems to be impassable for a while, and my side street isn't even that far off the beaten track. I can't imagine six year olds being able to walk to school tomorrow morning. We shall see. If it's going to freaking snow this much so late in the year and so close to baseball season, I might as well get a day off with it.

I will say that having lightning and thunder during a snowstorm was pretty cool, even though I a tiny thought that we were being bombed. That passed. What was left was just the snow, which I hate if it's past December.

Crossing my fingers that this is enough snow to give me a snow day but not enough to cripple the start of tryouts on March 1.

Bobby, Again

He always comes and finds me when he wants to talk, but he never says anything first. I have to work to get it out of him. So when he quietly appeared with a gentle rap on the English office door on Friday while I ate my lunch, I knew he had something to tell me. I nodded and walked into the hallway before either of us said a word.

"What's up?" I ask him, my voice low and serious because there's no trace of his easy grin.

He pulls out his report card. This kid, who almost got booted out of the school his 9th grade year for failing two classes, had a 93 average last quarter. I look at this GPA number in the bottom left hand corner, then look at him. There's the grin.

"Congratulations, man" I say. "I told you that you could do it."

"There's another thing," he says. He pauses. "I made it in." Then he explains. See, yesterday, he was accepted into the University of Maryland. (He's now been accepted at Virginia State, University of Maryland, and Frostberg. Still no word on the scholarship.)

I shake his hand as my eyes get a little watery.

Our relationship isn't one of grand speeches and words and hugs. It's subtle and more reserved. I look him straight in the face and tell him I'm proud of him. He looks down. I wait to see if there's anything else. I turn.

"Wait, Mr. Epiph."

I turn around. He says, "Thank you."

"What are you talking about? It's all you, man."

"No, Mr. Epiph. Thank you. Thank you for everything."

And then I don't know what to say except "You're welcome." Next, that there are a lot of folks pulling for him, but no one more than me, and that he's going to go far in life. And he grins, and I make him promise to let me know about the scholarship.

Before I leave, he tells me something funny, odd, and touching: "Mr. Epiph, I'm going to take care of you when you get old." I laugh, unsure of how to respond, and he thanks me once more before ducking away down the hall. I'm left in bemused silence until the beeping of the microwave pulls me back into my lunch period.


***

If I ever lose hope that public education works or that people (students) can change and come back from seemingly insurmountable obstacles, I'll have to think of Bobby.

Saturday SSSSS

1. The grade dispute went alright. It was silly, as far as I'm concerned, but I made the mother feel good in the end. The daughter came and cried, a lot. It helped my case that she had skipped my class on Tuesday because then I could set up my case as a pattern. But I was already generous to the girl, giving her a few points last quarter, and I said that. She'll be fine.

2. This week really battered me. I was at school every day until it was dark, except for the day I drove the kid up to Timonium for a hitting lesson. It was also our first full five day week in a while, after inservice days last week and MLK day the week before. We have a five day week this week, though, unless we have a snow day on Monday.

3. I'd been hoping that this winter, we could sneak off without Mother Nature figuring out that we haven't had snow. I like snow in December, but then get sick of it really quickly. February snow is the absolute worst, because it interferes with baseball season. I'm hoping this "winter storm" is barking worse than its bite will be.

4. I made it to Brewer's Art by 4:10 yesterday. We stayed there until about eight o'clock, then went to go so Caleb Stine and the Brakemen at Ze Mean Bean. He and his band blew me away, as usual.

5. I was pretty proud of myself, being able to stay out until midnight on a day I taught. I guess I do have the energy to stay out for eight hours straight, drinking through the first half of them. That being said, I usually can't sleep very well when I drink, so I was up at 7 today. I also think I have eaten more than my share of rosemary garlic fries (Brewer's Art) and hriby dip (Ze Mean Bean) for the better part of a month. I need to have a good day at the gym today.

Elliptical grade dispute

I went out to go to the gym tonight. Instead of going straight there, I stopped at Dick's Sporting Goods. There, I bought an eliptical machine instead of going to the gym. Oops.

I'm sure it will take me the weekend to put it together, but I'm pretty excited. I've always wanted a piece of home exercise equipment, and have put away my tip money for a few weeks. I decided that this was a better purchase for my health than an I-Pod. Still, I hadn't anticipated buying it tonight. I was lulled in by the $200 off sticker.

In other news, I've been looking forward to a Friday Brewer's Art Happy Hour all week. I'll be there with my cohorts probably right when it opens. I got such an urge today for their rosemary garlic fries that I almost went tonight. Then I remembered that I have to work tomorrow and it probably doesn't make any sense to go chow down some fries at 9pm when I just bought an eliptical machine.

It's been a pretty long week. I have a grade dispute tomorrow, and I hate those. My department head has fended off the woman pretty well, and hopefully I'll be able to get through it unscathed and unyelled at. I keep good records and actually fudged this girl's grade up a little bit. According to the daughter, she's more upset that I put the comment "Absent too frequently" on her report card when she was only absent three times (out of 18 days). Still, those absence were what caused her to fall behind because she never made up work or came to coach class. I really don't put a lot of thoughts into comments; there are about fifteen of them and we have to choose two per student. That just struck me as something to put alongside my usual "A Pleasure to Teach." It's bizarre that a parent would be upset about this because it's not like these comments get put on the kid's permanent record; they are simply just a way for us to communicate with parents. I'm willing to apologize and take back that remark and change it to "Doesn't make up missed work." (Still I think that a kid that misses 17% of their class periods in a quarter, particularly when they miss a whole week of my class on an A-B schedule, then they are missing too much.)

Apparently the lady was a complete bitch to my department head when she called the school. The woman told her she was going to go straight to the CEO of the school system with her complaint, and my department head snapped back at her, "Okay, please just tell them that Jane Stoddard says hi because they know me very well down there." (Of course, that's not her real name.) I feel like the mother was just blowing off steam because of her daughter's poor grades and that my department head just headed her off from me and I'm grateful for that.

In my last bit of random news of this entry, today is my grandmother's 74th birthday. It's the one who I'm still close with, the one without Alzheimer's, and I called her tonight. She was drunk off her rocker. I love it.

Grand Slam in Timonium

Sorry about that ridiculously long Grammies entry last night. That's something I would have done when I was 15. At least I wasted just bandwith this time and not paper in our school newspaper. That's actually one of my most embarassing entries in a while.

I spent the afternoon driving a kid up to the Grand Slam USA Batting Cages up in Timonium. I don't think there's any batting cages in Baltimore, so most of my kids can't get to one. I paid for a $40/half-hour hitting lesson for thus kid, one of my players, and it seemed to go really well. This kid is a beast - the guy thought he was in his early twenties, and even asked if he was playing in any minor leagues - and I'm supposed to call the guy tomorrow to hear some more tips about how to coach this kid.

That place is insane this time of year. There were lines five or six kids deep for each of the cages, and all the individual pitching and hitting coaches were booked for weeks in advance. It was lucky that I got in, and when I tried to book the same time next week, I was told it was filled. I was then told that every slot from 4 o'clock until 8 o'clock was expected to be filled for next week. Damn.

I wish I was a better baseball coach, that I did a better job of being able to immediately recognize a player's issues and then give them tips. I can do it much of the time, but I meet some of these guys, and I feel like they have more baseball skills knowledge in their little finger than I do in my entire body. I feel confidently that I get better as a teacher every year, but I'm not as sure I get better as a coach. I never get to see anyone else coach, and I worry that this is all I'll know. I'm trying, though. I'm trying. I'm watching an exciting DVD tonight called "Organizing Baseball Practice." Next Monday, I'm going to a Cal Ripken Coaching Clinic, where John Habyan and Billy Ripken will be demonstrating stuff.

By the way, former Oriole Scott McGregor was walking out as the kid and I were walking in. There was also an Orioles prospect with him, but I didn't catch his name.

Running Grammy Commentary

8:05 - I guess Madonna is doing okay, but I've never felt nervous or sorry for her before. She looks so out of place, and old, up there right now.

8:10 - Alicia Keys looks almost exactly like one of my students this year.

8:11 - I'm starting to get annoyed with all the lionization of Coretta Scott King, with the death of Bettie Friedan being ignored.

8:12 - How does Stevie Wonder still sound so good at sixtysomething?

8:13 - That Kelly Clarkson son is really good. I remember Howard Stern loved that song and was made fun of for it, but, come on, "Since U Been Gone" is an awesome pop song. I miss Howard Stern.

8:13 - She's a pretty girl.

8:20 - I have no idea who this band is. They sound like Coldplay.

8:25 - "Ordinary People" was one of the best songs of the year. One of my baseball players left the CD in his locker after the season. I loved the CD's simplicity, and this song stands out. I loved hearing it on 92Q when they were overplaying it - a overproduction that is often on that station.

8:32 - John Legend just made me completely turn around and put down the keyboard for a full five minutes. Wow. (Didn't like the strings too much, though.)

8:41 - I think that was the longest commercial ever.

8:43 - Yeah, I guess it would be cool to see U2 live sometime. Bruce Springsteen and Bob Dylan are my two "must-see's" before I die, though. But Bruce way before Bob. And Dan Bern and Melissa Ferrick before all of 'em.

8:45 - Sweet! This is why I love the Grammies performances - the collaborations. Mary J. Blige looks great and sounds great. Whenever I see something like this - an R&B great singing in front of a great rock band - I wonder what my students think of it.

8:47 - Oh my god, Mary J. just made me get goosebumps. She just blew me away. She sounds like she's pouring her soul out. She and Bono sounded amazing together.

8:49 - Yeah! Late Registration wins. I have fears that Mariah Carey will win all these undeserved Grammies instead of Kanye tonight, but at least he's got this one. God, I hope he says something crazy.

8:51 - No, he didn't say anything cool. He just came off as arrogant. I can deal with that. I can't believe U2 and he went on tour.

8:58 - I hope I'm not sacrificing my masculinity to say that I like this other Kelly Clarkson song as well. (Heh. As if running a Grammies commentary isn't sacrificial enough.)

9:02 - Gwen Stefani and Billie Joe Armstong both became big the year I graduated from high school. I never would have imagined that I'd still know Gwen Stefani's name now. I still can't detect any talent, and she still hasn't released a good song since her first one ("Just a Girl," which was a goofy trifle but fun). Green Day, not so surprising.

9:19 - Great nominees in the R&B Male Vocal performance category. John Legend, the most deserved, wins. Mario's song was actually really good as well. By the way, the Black Eyed Peas were tools as they presented.

9:20 - John Legend's speech was perfection - intelligent, humble, and revealing. So, of course, they cut him off by playing hurry-up music in the background.

9:40 - Long break to talk with the co-horts. I don't much care for Mariah Carey. Never have, never will.

9:51 - I'm getting bored. I like Awards shows (well, the big three), but I do get bored. I'm excited about Sly and the Family Stone and Kanye West performing, though.

10:35 - I've almost completely lost interest. The Sly and the Family Stone performance was anticlimactic. Even Bruce Springsteen was a bit of a letdown. Still looking forward to Kanye West performing.

10:46 - Finally, Kanye West wakes this show out of its slumber. I'm now worshipping at the alter of Kanye West. Again.

10:47 - Wow, Kanye didn't win. What a ridiculous decision. I bet he goes crazy in the press about it. For a record that has been out for two years.

11:27 - Yes, it's still going. U2 gave a very gracious speech for Album of the Year. I'm going to bed.

Teaching Ad

I walked up the steps today with my hands full. Books in one hand, and my lunch of boxed Indian food in a plastic bag in the other. Chanae, a student I taught last year, spied me from two flights of steps up and held the door for me as I bounded up the stairs. Surprised that someone would notice that I was struggling and then hold the door that long, I thanked her, and made my way in. I ran into Jim, the oldest member of our department, who has a sly grin on his face. His eyes twinkling, he say to me, "How you doing today, (Epiph)?"

"Just fine, Jim, and yourself?"

"Good," he laughs. "I'm just trying to figure out what pre-maternal sex is."

He showed me the essay in his hand. A kid had meant to write pre-marital sex, but had screwed up. Goofy student errors definitely make us English teachers giggle.

I make my way towards the office with more energy than usual. I'd taken Ny-Quill on Monday night, and sort of felt it most of Tuesday, so this morning felt fresh and new. I've also been working out lately from 8pm - 9:30pm instead of before school, so I've been sleeping in a little bit more than usual. I'm feeling good.

As I walk, no fewer than one hundred kids say "Hi" or "Good morning" to me. I remember all their names, even ones I taught three years ago. I say hi to all the kids who I don't know, and all their replies are quick and pleasant. Every kid seems to be smiling this morning. It strikes me that this is the future of this city, and I feel happy and proud.

Nothing could break my stride now, and nothing does. The day goes swimmingly. First period, my Honors class, is spot on. They're working their butts off and I do my best to lay hard into all the kids who didn't come prepared. Second period turns in some mediocre work, and I call them all out on it, calling their work terrible and demanding a rewrite. They spend the rest of class redoing their outlines, begging me for my initials of approval, and by the end of class, ever kid leaves with a solid outline for their essay. Fifth period does much better than second period, and I'm happy with that, and tell them I'm proud of them. I taught hard today, and it felt good. I was exhausted by the end of the day.

About six kids stay after school for help on their essays, and we stay there until nearly six o'clock. I bond with this kid Richard, who is one of the brightest and most charismatic kids I've ever taught, but failed every course last semester. Another teacher and I sat with these kids for a while, and bit by bit, I heard more and more about his life. He hasn't seen his mother in years. His father is long gone. He lives in Remington with a slightly older female second cousin, her girlfriend, and the girlfriend's 7-year old son. He's out until 10 or 10:30 every night, and that's earlier than usual. His best friend never made it out of middle school and was arrested and put into rehab last summer. Richard misses school, or at least first period, about once every four days. And despite having the highest reading composite score of any incoming ninth grader this year - higher than all the private school kids - he failed every single one of his classes for the first semester. Including mine.

Kids like him would really get me. He's the kind of kid who I really want this school to be able to hang onto, but he's fucking up so bad that they won't be able to. He tells me that this quarter will be different - and, indeed, he stayed with me until 6 o'clock after school tonight working on his essay, before I gave him a ride home so he could pick up his second cousin's girlfriend's son (who he calls his little brother) so he can cook him dinner - that he's really going to get his shit together now. We'll see. He's the type of kid that I'd just like to adopt. Have him stay in my basement bedroom for the rest of his high school years. And then I realize that it's a ridiculous notion. Hearing about how this kid is taking care of really disillusions me. I've met the second cousin. She's 24 or 25. She obviously has no business with a 15 year old kid, but for all I know she's the only one in the extended family that would take him in.

At least I'd like to send this kid on Outward Bound, so he sees that there's more to life than Baltimore.

So thinking about this kid's life make me riled up, but as I drove he and another kid home, my disillusionment was replaced by joy. If he can still be this great of a kid with the life he leads, and the other kid was a bright hardworking one as well, then something is going right for them. And I dropped them off feeling like I started the day - like nothing is going to hold me back, that nothing is going to break my stride. I've got to keep on moving. I'm off to the gym.

Outward Bound Dilemma

As of now, the school will not foot the $650 bill to send twelve kids on the Outward Bound peer leadership course. It will be the first time in over a decade that the school didn't pay for it. I'm pissed off about it, and am left with a few dilemmas. First off, I could ask the kids to pay for it. It would be about 60 bucks each, and that's a pretty good deal for five days in the mountains on a peer leadership course. However, I recruit kids for this trip. I tend to aim it at a mix of at-risk kids who need it with kids who don't so much need the trip as want the trip. There have been so many kids in the last five years that have been changed by this trip, I'm sure of it. The College Advising Office called me down this year to tell me about how many current seniors are writing their college essays about their Outward Trip. Kids like "Bobby." There is no chance Bobby would have gone in the 9th grade if his family would have had to foot the bill for 60 bucks. How could I ask them to do that when they couldn't even keep their lights on?

There are tons of "Bobby"'s this year as well, kids who are 9th graders who need a kick in the ass, who need some confidence and some ways to bust out of their comfort zones. On the other hand, there are a bunch of better-off kids who want to go on the trip. These kids could probably afford the $60. But that goes against what this program has always been about - namely, a nice mix of kids, some who really need it, and some who really just want to go.

I'm not sure what I'll do. I e-mailed the Outward Bound woman today and told that even though we've been denied funding, that we're doing the trip no matter what. I told her I'd foot the bill for the $650 if nothing else. (That would suck, by the way. But I think I could probably swing most of it since it's worth it.)

Thank god

From The Baltimore Sun.

"We think it's extremely difficult for family, friends and anyone interested in seeing a just sentence carried out for the Court of Appeals to intervene in the 11th hour. Not just the 11th hour, but the 11th hour and 59th minute," said Stephen Bailey, deputy state's attorney for Baltimore County. "This is not just justice delayed, this is justice denied at this point."

Stephen Bailey, I have no idea how another human being can say that the barbaric and inhumane practice of killing someone is a "just" sentence. What a crock.

I'm not a religious man, but thank god for human decency and compassion stepping in to spare the life of this person.

Where are all the celebrities for this case?

Vernon Evans' blog: http://meetvernon.blogspot.com

Super Bowl, Super Meeting

I watched the Super Bowl. Blah. This is why people like the NFL? It was a poorly played and officiated game, the halftime show sucked, and the commercials were anticlimactic. I must admit I'm happy for Pittsburgh, though. I like the city of Pittsburgh - it runs along the Baltimore/Detroit/Cleveland gamut of cities I identify with because of their salt of the earth working class coupled with cool cultural landmarks - and have a bunch of native Pittsburghian friends who were rooting for them. So, yeah, I'm happy they won.

That being said, out of the 14 people in my department, two are from Pittsburgh and four are from Boston. They've had a lot of winning in the last few years over a number of sports. It's my, or Detroit's, turn. I'm especially excited about the baseball season (8 days, 21 hours, and 33 minutes right now from the start of spring training), and am even letting myself feel some optimism about my Tigers. Some national prognosticators are even predicting good things for the team this year, from Baseball Prospectus's pre-season take on the team to a foxsports headline that proclaims http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/5301350>"Tigers could be darkhorse contenders in '06." Anyhow, go Tigers.

***

I can't begin to explain what a great meeting I had with the principal today. I was so excited about it afterwards that my (salt-of-the-earth, from Pittsburgh) colleague asked me if I wanted to go Brokeback on him. Seriously, though, it was a great meeting. He is giving me a JV team. Yes, he is giving me a JV team. I was so happy with the results of the meeting that I went around telling everyone I could find. I wanted to make sure that I was as positive as possible about everything else I talked about. I mentioned that an after-school schoolwide detention would be a good thing, and that we need more water at school, but otherwise was completely positive. "It's so inspiring to work in a department that has two National Board certified teachers," I told him. "The department head has fit in really well," I added. I really enjoyed the meeting, and then when we started talking sports, it really sailed. He told me I should start recruiting kids I see and trying to get "studs" to come to the school to play baseball. He really wants to beat our rival. I'm certainly feeling a little bit of pressure this year because our school has beat the rival in football, basketball, soccer, and wrestling this year. Just baseball is left. Phew.

I'm going to start taking kids up to Grand Slam USA starting this week to the batting cages. I think I'll even pay for a few kids to get lessons. It's $40/half hour, which seems a good price, and maybe I'll see if the kids will go half and half with me. I'd like to hear what these coaches tell the players so I can reinforce the skills with the team when we practice.

I'm not alone

Instead of lesson planning this afternoon, I somehow have managed to waste two hours cleaning my office and fiddling on the Internet.

Most shockingly, I did a search for the name of my school on search.blogger.com. I've never done this before, and can't believe what I found.

My findings:

1. A blog written by a clever Senior at my school. It's not the usual myspace.com sort student blog (indeed, this one's on blogspot), rife with grammatical errors and polls. Instead, it's funny, political rants about pop culture and life in Baltimore from a kid who obviously has some writing chops, and who is busting at the gut for his voice to be heard. There's also plenty of teenage angst and an obsession with a girl who I know very well as I had her as a student as both a freshman and a junior and have written her a number of recommendation letters. I've never had this student blogger in class, but have heard stories from colleagues.

2. And, more shockingly, a blog written by another teacher at my school. She doesn't update as much as I do - last update was in November - but the updates have been steady for a couple of years now. I don't know her well, and haven't decided what I should do about this new knowledge. I'll probably, like when I found the blog of the mother of one of my former students (and currently a senior at my school), e-mail her and tell her. It's not really fair for me to get that window into her life and not recripocate the opportunity. But, I'm not sure. The thing about her blog is that she does not strive for anonymity; her blogspace name is her actual name, and she obviously mentions the name of our school in her words because otherwise I would not have been able to find it. From my cursory glances, her blog isn't as personal as mine, either. Although there are plenty of personal stories. She has MS and uses a wheelchair, and a lot of what she writes is about dealing with a career and life with a disability.

Anyhow, both are interesting. I can't point you to them from here, but they're worth seeking out if you can do any reading between the lines of this post.

Day of Rest

The restaurant owner's Super Bowl tickets fell through, so I don't have to go in today. Therefore, I have my first Sunday off since Christmas, the first non-Christmas-Sunday off since I can't remember (at least the summer), and the first actual day off from both jobs since the fluke Martin Luther King Day holiday a few weeks ago.

Ahhhhhhhhhh.

I somehow slept in until 9:15, but that's not too bad considering I went to bed at nearly 2am. I had the "early off" section at the restaurant last night, but had a late-staying table. I'm not dissing them, though, because the table accrued a $555 bill and left a $130 tip. They drank so much that I was sure they were servers themselves somewhere. I love a table that tries to sample all of our beers, telling me to "Surprise me. Bring me something interesting." I actually got hugs when they left.

I'm going to celebrate my rare day off with nothing out of the ordinary - a trip to the gym, a trip to Target (I need a rake because mine somehow walked away this winter), and back here to plan the week's lessons.

I have absolutely no plans for the Super Bowl right now, so might just end up watching it here while I get ready for the week. And that's fine with me. For me, it's pretty much just a symbol that spring training is starting soon anyway. Maybe the game will be a good one. I agree with Aretha Franklin, though; I wish the half-time bands were Motown artists rather than yet another ancient British act. Maybe that pre-game consolation prize will be worthwhile. I'll try not to be cynical and enjoy watching a major sporting event in my sort-of hometown. And the fact that I'm even discussing the entertainment surrounding the Super Bowl shows you that my interest in the National Football League has not had a growth spurt. I did find myself loving both high school and college football this year, but my ridiculous Sunday working schedule probably prevents any significant NFL interest until the second job is a thing of the past.

Caught sneaking away

I snuck out of the training today. I had two good sessions yesterday, but today's professional development was terrible. It was about research, but almost all the information was based on schools that have computers and computer labs. Ours just doesn't. There's five or six computers in the library that freeze up all the time, but I wouldn't trust them for anything. Therefore, hearing an hour's worth of discussion about online databases and research projects using them was completely unnecessary for me.

So I snuck away, tiptoeing away to my school to get some more relevant work done. Namely, planning the research component of my Romeo and Juliet unit and grading some papers I promised back to kids by Monday. After I'd been there a few minutes, the English office phone kept ringing insistently. I ignored it, since no one was supposed to be there. Finally, after thirty or so rings, I picked up. They knew exactly who I was, calling me by name, and the message was from my department head. "Mr. (Epiph), Ms. (Smith) wanted you to know that she still expects to meet with you at 11:45 today."

So I was totally caught sneaking away, something I didn't think would happen at all. It was a little eerie, even. But our meeting was actually a lunch meeting of four of us, at Mt. Washington Tavern, and was her treat. I even got a Guinness. The four of us met about the aforementioned research project and mapped out the semblance of a plan.

Let me interject this story to say that in the five years I've lived in Baltimore, I've never been to Mount Washington. I never really even knew abou tit. It felt like a different universe. I'm shocked that I"ve never been there. The restaurant itself was alright. It was pretty inside, but the lunch menu kind of sucked.

My department head loves me. She even told me, "I love you" when I left today. She's a grandmotherly type and I think I come across as someone who needs mothering (because, well, I am), so we have bonded. It's so strange that if I look back to early entries from this school year in October, that I despised this woman. Now, I see her as a character, someone who doesn't take things too seriously and takes me out for a guinness and a crab cake sandwich on a professional development day. She's also my antithesis as a teacher, which makes me laugh a little bit. And her. She's rigid, I'm anything but.

I was able to get away by about 2:30, and head home, where I await my next fate: a dreaded Friday night shift at the restaurant. I hate working Friday nights, and they know that, so I'm going to be surly tonight so they let me go home early.

MD Teacher pensions lowest in nation

From CarlofBaltimore's site:

Out of 53 different teacher pension plans in the United States... Maryland ranks at the very bottom at #53, way behind Guam and Puerto Rico and even the poorest states in the union.

If major PENSION REFORM does NOT pass through the Maryland legislature, I, and most of the other Maryland public school teachers will face retirement after a minimum of 30 years of dedicated teaching, with only 38% of our last three years of salary... which for me will be less than $20,000 BEFORE TAXES!

Maryland is the 3rd wealthiest state in the union (per capita income).

Pennsylvania teachers retire with 72% of their salary and it's NOT TAXED!!! Virginia teachers are close behind. Pennsylvania and Virginia are attracting far more new teachers... and many Maryland teachers are leaving for neighboring states, or leaving teaching all together for work in the private sector.

The brave Maryland law enforcement officers and firemen get 71.5% after 28 years... and they deserve every bit of it!

Maryland legislators voted in a wonderful pension for themselves... 66% after only 20 years... and after 8 years they don't even have to contribute to it themselves! Keep in mind that the legislators work only 90 days a year... the rest of the year they work at their "regular jobs" as lawyers, real estate agents etc., and have the potential to earn far more money. Maryland teachers work 192 days a year at relatively low salaries compared to equally educated workers in the private sector.

Maryland State Teachers Association (MSTA) proposed reforms last year, but the legislators in Annapolis killed the bill in committee... it didn't even get to a vote! This is an ELECTION YEAR... so NOW is the time to push through serious PENSION REFORM . MSTA is lobbying for a dramatic but reasonable improvement in the pension system, which would include a substantial increase in teacher contribution... we are very willing to contribute substantially to our own pension if it means we can retire decently. The proposed bill is still being written by a committee in Annapolis, but the details have not yet been disclosed to the public. MSTA and the local teacher unions are working hard on PENSION REFORM... but we need YOU... the Maryland tax payer and voter to voice your opinion on this important issue.... and I will make it easy for you to do just that..."

http://www.mstanea.org/political/leg.php

My note: Why am I teaching in Maryland again? Oh yeah, no teaching jobs in Michigan.

Sevens

1. I did laundry tonight, for the first time since Christmas back at the folks' place. How do I do it, go a month without doing laundry, you ask? Tons of underwear. I ran out of undershirts today, but still have about five more pairs of underwear. I was on briefs by now, though, which I hate (boxer briefs are first choice for me), so I knew I had to do laundry soon, and I finally got there today. There was a ton of it - two 75-pound washers full (to be fair, I was washing a bunch of blankets too) and a 40-pound washer full of whites. It cost me about 25 bucks to do it all. But of course they have prices like "34 Quarters" so you don't think about how much you're spending.

2. Few things make me as lonely and depressed as doing laundry. Every time I go, I just watch myself trudging along, alone, making my four trips to and from my car with my ton of laundry, doing it, and then doing my four trips back to my car with all of it folded. I'm 28, have never had a washer and drier, and still don't have anyone's laundry to do but my own. I guess that's why I only do laundry once a month. It's the lowpoint of my month, twelve times a year.

3. A new furnace was installed in the house today. Now that that's done, I think a washer and drier are on the way. I guess having a pair in my rental house will make eliminate the depressing laundromat trip every month.

4. Today was a Teacher Inservice day. It was a really good day. Usually during the week, I come home from my ten or twelve hour day with kids exhausted and ready for nothing much but an hour on the Internet or sitcoms. Today, I had so much energy. I went to Bally's, Trader Joe's, the laundromat, and now I'm sitting here watching TV and chillin. On days like these, I wonder if this is how people with office jobs feel. No worries about a lesson plan tomorrow, either, as it's another inservice day tomorrow.

5. Seth Green is in a sitcom? It's a silly one. But I did laugh a couple of times. I've never seen The Office and I'm looking forward to that.

6. The gym trip this afternoon was terrible. It was my first since Sunday, as I didn't think I should go while I was suffering from my 48-hour cold. I found out how weakened I was, though, when I had to stop my run at 26 minutes.

7. This Sunday, I was scheduled for my first Sunday off from the restaurant and those crazy brunch shifts in months. I was so excited that I had already made some tentative Sunday brunch plans. However, I received a call tonight from the boss at the restaurant asking me to call him about Sunday. Shit, I thought. I'll ignore it for a bit. But he called back an hour and a half later. Apparently, he's just been given Super Bowl tickets. Super Bowl tickets! I have no idea how he scored those, but his woman (the real owner of the restaurant) is some high-powered chica in the DC area apparently has. He asked if I could be "him" on Sunday, meaning just greeting and seating folks and making sure everything is smooth. In other words, no waiting tables, just looking dashing by the door as people come in. He'll pay me $10/hour. I said I'd do it. I can't stand in the way between a man and Super Bowl tickets. Plus, I still get out at 4 or so, so I can still watch it so I can catch those commercials and shots of Detroit.

Wintry lighthouse

This mild winter has been exactly the kind of winter I was hoping for when I first moved to Baltimore. I don't hate winter, but I hate the length of it. I'm just fine with three weeks of cold and snow and then off to spring. I figured that's what Maryland winters would give me.

However, I've only gotten this type of winter once; that was my first winter here, the winter of 2001. That winter featured just one snow that didn't stick, and that was it. Most of the time, it was around 40 or 50 degrees. I was in 7th heaven. The year after, though, was more severe than any Michigan winter I've ever had, with three feet of snow and a week off from school. In 2003, the winter was ushered in with a hurricane (we certainly don't get freakish weather like that in Michigan) and a ton more snow. Last winter was middling for the most part, but terrible because it lasted so long into the spring. This winter has been perfect. Enough snow in December for a snow day, but a slow and steady climb into spring and higher temperatures since the new year has come.

While a part of me wouldn't mind the excitement of a big snow and some snow days before the official end of the winter, the practical part of me knows that these balmy temperatures are for the best for the baseball team. We might actually be able to get on the field starting March 1, rather than spending three weeks on the tennis courts at the start of baseball season. That would be awesome.

And the heating bills aren't breaking my bank this year. It's actually been an affordable winter.

Anyhow, I found this photo online tonight, and it reminded me of why I left Michigan. This beautiful shot of the pier and lighthouse in my hometown of South Haven, MI (population: 10,000 in winter; up to 100,000 in summer for beach season) is how I remember my childhood winters. Snow, ice, and wind for months and months on end. Give me a change in seasons, but make it brief. And while the photo reminds me why I left, it also reminds me what I miss about my hometown: the beach, cruising with my parents in the boat, walking with my dog up the pier.

By the way, the railing on the top is so people can still run and light the lighthouse when the ice is too thick on the pier. Pretty cool, I think. One of the biggest issues of my adolescence in the town was whether to tear down or renovate that little walkway up to the pier. Most piers don't have those anymore, instead preferring to just brave the ice with picks to go light the lighthouse.

Ingenuity, creativity, and testing

I listened to the speech live, and just read a transcript of it. What I don't understand is his ideas about innovation and creativity in education. The Bush effect on education has been more and more testing, which stifles creativity. It teaches students one way to solve a problem, and kids are invariably taught to a test. I have spent so much energy this year trying to teach kids how to write a 27-line BCR. 27 Lines! Now, I've come to sort of like this stunted form of writing a bit, but I'm just getting to writing a full-fledged essay now. Why? Because kids are not tested on how well they write an essay. They're tested on how well they write a 27-line Brief Constructed Response. So, forget, or put off, using an essay to figure out an issue and write about it. Because, on a test, you only get 27 lines.

Now, this isn't all Bush's fault. Sure, he's emphasizing testing like crazy, but it was occurring before him as well. But his language about creativity and ingenuity definitely struck me as going against this testing philosophy, and I wonder how this idea is going to be married with the testing. I just don't see it.

And don't get me started on the emphasis on math and science. As I've stated before, I'll never work in a district that pays math and science teachers more than english teachers, because it's just wrong. Our nation's reading and writing skills have eroded in the last several decades, as well. I want attention paid to my subject area, too. Or maybe it's a good thing that the President didn't talk about recruiting professionals from outside the education world to fill spaces in my department. I'm sure I don't know.

Oh well. I hope the federal government keeps its hands out of my school as much as possible, unless it means a higher salary for me or better resources for the kids. Unfortunately, when I think of federal government involvement in the schools, I think of more bubble sheets and #2 pencils.

Oscar Opinion

So the Oscar nominations were announced. I must be doing too much reading up about them in the weeks leading up to Jan. 30, because there wasn't one surprise for me. It was all so predictable and ho-hum, and this is for the second year in a row in which I've been underwhelmed. I miss having a left-field nomination, like Marisa Tomei for My Cousin Vinny or Rosie Perez for Fearless. I mean, wouldn't it have been great if, say, Jane Lynch got nominated for stealing every scene in which she appears in 40-Year Old Virgin, the funniest film in years?

All in all, I guess I'm okay with all the Brokeback nominations, since it - along with Capote - were the two best films I've seen this year. Alas, though, I haven't seen Walk the Line, Munich, or Good Night, and Good Luck, so I'm not a well-studied observer just yet. I will be by March 5. Speaking of which, the Oscar telecast will be worth it just to watch "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" be performed live. It's so cool that got nominated.

The nomination of Crash is pretty suspect, as The Squid and the Whale (and talk about Jeff Daniels for overlooked in his performance...) was a much better film. I guess I just don't think Crash had all that interesting of things to say about race relations. I think about race relations all the time, so maybe that's why. I also would have been happy with the fascinating, disturbing Grizzly Man somewhere on the nominee list. And, of course, Boys of Baraka, even though I haven't seen it.