Easter blues

It wasn't that bad of a day. The Tigers won a brilliant 1-0 victory agains the hated Indians, in a game that felt like a pennant race despite being in the middle of April. I watched the whole thing and was definitely on the edge of my seat for much of it, and, in the 8th inning, when 20-year old Joel Zumaya struck out the 3rd out on a 99mph fastball, and both he and Pudge Rodriguez pumped their fists, well, it just hasn't gotten that good in Tiger fandom for a long time. In addition, tonight I watched an excellent episode of The West Wing, during which I was amazed that Mary Louise Parker can still make my jaw drop to the floor. Earlier, I had a good dinner of a black bean burger with mushrooms and swiss cheese at Chili's that cost me $9, including drink, and much of the day was spent reading Abbi Bardy's The Book of Fred, our all-school book. The author is coming on Thursday to discuss it with our school, and I'm happy to say that I now - with less than 100 pages left - almost feel prepared for it.

So today was not a total loss.

However, those were the pendulum upswings. I also plunged into a great deal of melancholy, almost depression, today. Easter provides a good opportunity to relax, phone family, and think about things. I don't do any of those well. I already feel lazy this week so relaxing more is no good - it just puts me in the clutches of my worst vices of overeating, slothfulness, and procrastination. Phoning family on this holiday just made me homesick. I spoke with my dad, my mom, my sister, and my grandmothers, all in rapid succession, as they passed the phone to each other as if they were either in a rush or felt like they didn't want to take too much of my time - neither of which is comforting. And, thinking about things? I do it way too much to begin with and, today, thinking about things made me realize that I was having Easter dinner at a Chili's in White Marsh totally alone, a fact that made me feel sorry for myself in a big way. I called a couple of friends from there - friends that I knew also didn't have family in the area - but they didn't pick up, so I just sat and ate and read and felt pretty down. But I did have one invite today, but just wasn't feeling up to going to a big Catholic feast with a bunch of people who just went to church. I feel a little bad about it now, but I really didn't feel like it. It also hit me today that school starts again in 36 hours and my spring break is nearly over without much accomplished in the way of making my life feel a little bit more livable. To top it all off, I woke up today with a stiff lower back that prevented any meaningful workout today, and I really needed it.

This, too, shall pass, but I'm hoping that tomorrow is a better day. One that's a little less solitary and a lot more accomplished. I'm setting the alarm for 6am despite it being my last day of vacation, and will start with a gym trip before heading to the laundromat and then back home to lesson plan and figure stats for the baseball team so I might be able to have tomorrow evening free for something actually fun.