Annual Lecture 2005

Thoughts running through my head at the Annual Father Lecture About Money:

1. My gosh, I didn't even ask him for a loan. Why am I getting this again?

2. Ah... it's complaining to mom that I'm broke after my car wreck.

3. What? He's criticizing me for visiting grandma and grandpa over spring break?

4. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

5. In the two years since the big loan, I have never missed a monthly payment. However, I have only gotten the payment to him on time 9 times in 24. Now, for nearly every one of those times, it's been post-marked by the 15th, but has not been received on time. This is apparently a big deal. "Because a person's word means something."

6. I wish he had given me financial lectures when I was 18, before I got any credit cards. Now I'm 28, and learning financial responsibility when I'm 28 from my dad when I've learned it on my own the hard way just sort of sucks. He's trying to make up for lost time.

7. During the school year, I take home $2200 a month, and pay $1741 a month in bills that I can't get out of (BGE, rent, car, car insurance, student loan, phone, renter's insurance, water), the only luxury bill being the $18/month for DSL. With the $459 I have left every month, I saved $200 for the summer, $50 for savings, and $159 for spending money. I think I've been pretty good about this now for two years. I use the restaurant money making tips as extra payments on the car or the student loans.

8. When I bring that up, he says that he doesn't care. I need to get the monthly money to him on time. The 15th every month.

9. I don't understand why it's such a big deal. He'd be a lot happier if he didn't get bent out of shape for the little things like that.

10. He doens't like it when I tell him that.

11. I then tell him that being financially responsible in 2005 isn't about putting a check in the mail and making sure the mail service gets there on time. It's about being able to move funds directly from your account to the bills online. If he'd just make it so I could do that, I'd be fine getting the payments on time.

12. Is that a tear? Stop it, you pussy. Something about lectures from dad always make me teary. Can't let it happen.

13. I can't believe he's doing this. I've never missed a payment. He wants me to be able to own something someday. At least we're on the same page there.

14. This sucks. Can I go now?

15. No, dad, I don't feel like hanging out with your friends right now. See you later.

And I hope when I get old I don't sit around thinking about it, but I probably will

I guess this is what coming home is always going to be like. My parents aren't about to move, so summer vacation weeks will be filled by lots of time on the boat, sitting around in a circle around a fire, and going to bars where I always happen to run into someone I knew a decade before. I guess it could be a lot worse. But it's strange; I don't recognize the person I was when I lived here, nor do I particularly like him. Still, the human interest draw of seeing how people end up keeps me going back out to places like The Chop House, The Idler, and York's to see if I might catch a glimpse of someone I knew in a different life.

In a parallel universe, I've returned to the area after college and am living somewhere around here. I've probably settled in Kalamazoo, or Grand Rapids, and I might be married, maybe even with kids. Somehow, I'm in Baltimore, choosing a path far different from anyone in my family.

"How long do you think you're going to live there? Are you going to be there forever?," my sister asks.

My mother interjects: "Baltimore seems like a pretty interesting place to live. I wouldn't want to move."

I talk about my career, about how I doubted there could be much better teaching situations than I'm in right now. After all, I'm in an inner city school that works; there aren't too many of them. I get to coach baseball. I get to teach kids who, for the most part, want to learn who I can be tough with. One-quarter of my 9th graders failed my course last year and had to take summer school, and I've received no flack for that. They didn't meet expectations, so they should have to make up the credit, is the attitude at my school. I've gained some clout and get a lot of flexibility with my curriculum (I'm adding The Catcher in the Rye and House on Mango Street this year without getting "permission," for example). My department is a place of amazing comraderie, skill, and collegiality. Things could be better, but I also recognize that things could be a lot worse.

So my career is keeping me here. If I finally officially start at Towson in the next few weeks, then that will keep me here, as well. I've had thoughts of starting to look for another job sometime this year, a different city to work in, a different experience. But traveling and distance makes me see what I've got is pretty special. I need to take more advantage of it.

Tonight, I'm heading to Grand Rapids to stay with my sister. Tomorrow, Lansing and MSU and the Akers Hall reunion now made melancholy by the death of an old friend. Tuesday, Detroit and Tigers game.

Death of a soldier

The Iraq war has claimed a great one.

Adrian and I worked together for two years as Resident Assistants in Akers Hall. I don't think you could find anyone in the building who could say a bad thing about him; he was always hardworking, decent, funny, and generous. He was an observer, with a half-grin that you knew there was something behind, and even though you knew, the witty comment always just sort of snuck up on you nonetheless. And Adrian just sort of had this aura about him where you couldn't help but trust him. Whenever I had duty with him, I knew that rounds would be a time of quick-witted conversation and jokes. And all the girls loved Adrian, so I knew plenty would come out to talk when we walked the building together.

I sent him an e-mail to his old msu account a couple of weeks ago to invite him to the Akers Hall reunion we're having on Monday. It bounced back. We'd lost touch, but I knew he'd joined the military, and knew he wanted to be an FBI agent. Wow, he would have made a great law enforcement officer. How sad. He'll be missed.

12-hour drive

A few weeks ago, Howard Stern was playing a live clip of Alanis Morissette on his show. I expected to hear derisive laughter after the snippet, since Stern is such a (insert Tim Allen grunt) "guy's guy" and he couldn't possibly like Alanis Morissette, could he? Well, I was wrong. Stern likes her a lot, and said something like, "Those American Idol singers need to listen to Alanis sing something. Now there's a singer."

That's one reason I like Stern. One minute he's doing some stupid, somewhat offensive skit, or interviewing a porn star, and the next minute he's showing himself to be neurotic, self-loathing, or perceptive. He's unpredictable, and not for the outrageousness, but because of all his contradictions. I like that he was basically, but hedgingly, in support of the war in Iraq at first (which I kind of was) and later felt duped (which I also felt). He's just like a regular guy, and I like that during my five-minute commute in the mornings. I'm even thinking about getting Syrius in January when he moves over there, although if I'm going to get satellite radio in the next year, it might be XM for the baseball feeds. We'll see.

Anyhow, back to Morissette. Stern's impressive plug of her made me grab Jagged Little Pill from my stack for the trip. The CD came out the year I graduated high school, when I was just getting into buying CDs, and I liked her a lot. I saw her live for one of my first ever concerts and there was a moment when I was on the ground at Wings Stadium in Kalamazoo, MI, during which I felt like she was singing just to me, and I was just twenty feet away. I felt like Wayne in Wayne's World looking up at Tia Carrere with "Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds" playing. I was 17 and in love with this wild woman with the crazy hair.

I probably haven't listened to it in years, instead much preferring her second CD (Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie) and having only scant interest in her last couple of albums. Still, it's the ten-year anniversary of Jagged Little Pill, and Morissette re-recorded the whole thing as a thirty-year old. At first I thought it was vaguely desperate, or at least that it would be viewed as such, but I heard a cut from it at the bar the other night and really liked it. I'll buy it eventually.

But because of these mentions of her lately, I brought along Jagged Little Pill to listen to. Eh, it was alright. Still so much of it was killed by radio overairplay (that was when, like, rock radio actually played female artists) that I had a hard time listening to say, "Ironic," without flipping ahead. But a few of the songs really stand up, and I look forward to hearing how she's reworked them a decade later. This woman can sing; it's a real person you're listening to. She's not pristine like a Celine Dion, but that element of flaw and roughness is what I think makes it intriguing. George Jones' blacks-holding-slaves novel The Known World is the best novel I've read in a couple years, and it's because Jones tries to do so much, bringing in magical realism towards the end in a novel that thrived on realism, so that it could have veered off course, but does not. Morissette's voice reminds me of that - she could have railed it in, but I'm glad she didn't. I like it when artists try to do a lot and put it all out there.

So that's what I listened to on the way up to Michigan, along with a lot of Common, the Beatles, John Legend, John Mayer, Mos Def, Heather Nova, and Ella Fitzgerald. I was doing a lot of flipping.

Somehow, leaving "first thing in the morning" today meant getting on the highway at 11:09am. I set the alarm for 7, but was so tired from my latenight cleaning and packing that I went back to bed for a bit. Plus I had to mow the lawn before I left for a week because it already had a week's growth on it. I couldn't very well mow at 7am, could I? So I mowed at 10:30 and was gone by 11.

The drive went well, going quickly because I had plenty to entertain me. Besides all the music, I listened to the "Fresh Air on Writers" CDs I checked out from the library, which was Terry Gross (I don't want to see what she looks like because I'm wildly attracted to her and feel like it will ruin my perception of her if I look) interviewing the likes of James Baldwin (just before his death in 1987), Stephen King (just after getting plowed over by the guy in the van), Allen Ginsburg (just before he died of cancer), the guy who wrote Where The Wild Things Are, John Updike, and others. It was very good, and I may even play parts of the Baldwin interview for my students.

Holden slept almost the entire way, rolled up in a ball in the back seat. I stopped just four times on the 12-hour trip, eating a BK veggie sandwich and a shrimp salad at Burker King for dinner but otherwise just drinking things like sugar free Red Bull, coffee, and pop to stay wide awake. I decided to disembark from the highway at a different point than usual to make things more interesting, and it actually made the trip quicker going through the southwestern Michigan burgs of Sturgis, White Pigeon, and Paw paw than cutting up and jumping on I-94. And when I say I did it to "make things more interesting," it was really because I just blew right past my exit.

I can't wait to see South Haven in the sunshine tomorrow. It's a beautiful town with miles of sandy beaches on Lake Michigan. It's a nice place to visit even though I remember feeling trapped while in high school. I'll be hitting the beach and going out on the boat with a book tommorow.

Random

As if my last post didn't have enough random shit in it, here's more:

1. If I were the Orioles, I'd be all over Jose Cruz, Jr., who was designated for assignment today by Arizona. The guy would easily be the team's best outfielder (even in this crummy season, his .783 OPS would lead the O's outfield) and he could move Matos down to the 4th outfielder role that he's best suited for.

2. In addition, if I were the Orioles, I'd trade for Dmitri Young. I hate watching him play for the Tigers at this point, but he's always crushed the ball at Camden, and he's a better player than Phil Nevin. I was thinking something like Cabrera and Gibbons for Young and Robertson would be a good deal for both teams (and the Sun reported yesterday the O's were interested in Robertson). Of course, the O's probably would want to make their end of the deal Bigbie and Ponson, neither of whom I have an iota of interest in as a Tigers fan.

3. Pep Boys called. The guy showed up, and they're fixing my tire. And the storm seems to be over as the sky is now sporting an eerie yellow color. So things started to look up after the last posting.

4. I just learned that a tattoo involves blood. Shit! I pass out nearly every time I donate blood, so I'm not very good with needles.

5. Big thanks to Dean for helping me to get the Hold en's Lair site back up and running. If anyone needs help with hosting or fixing computers, he's a great guy to go to. I'll be permanently linking him and such, but I wanted to thank him publicly right now. And... good news. I've just officially booked Sam Shaber to play on Friday, September 23. Mark your calendars now. I'll have the website updated soon to reflect that.

6. Michigan tomorrow, baby!

One is silver and the other is gold

It's a good thing last night was fun, because today was shitty.

I awoke after sleeping about five hours (I came home and cleaned) to go get my car, which has been at the body shop for ten days getting fixed.

The total cost for me, out of pocket, for my car getting hit while I slept inside with my spotless driving record of twelve years? $662. That's how much I spent this morning before 10am. $500 for the deductible and $162 for the rental car and rental car insurance. I've decided that the fault of this is not my insurance company, or even the lady's insurance company. It's the state of Maryland, which ridiculously puts a $15,000 minimum for damage done to other vehicles. Like I've stated previously, Michigan has a $100,000 minimum.

Of course, this is the time of year when I don't have any money, anyway, so this hurts. I of course charged it, giving me my first bit of nonsecured debt in a few years.

I have to admit that it was nice to get my car back. I thought I would have remorse about leaving behind the snazzy rental, but my car is still awesome, and the repairs looked real good. I missed having a CD player in my car, and I cranked up the CD I left in the player - Motown Greatest Hits - and turned up "I heard it through the grapevine" and "I Want You Back" and sang along as loud as I could while I went to work.

Work was okay. I made $37 working 8 hours, which of course sucks, but is to be expected on a lunch shift. I actually felt lucky at times to be able to sit in air conditioning on such a sweltering day. I read some of Phil Jackson's Sacred Hoops, and had some nice tables (one $33 bill tipped me $10, which put me in a good mood all day).

No repercussions about making out with my british married tongue ringed co-worker. She even relieved me, and didn't bat an eye about anything. I worked with D., the chef who I just found out has been banging Polish girl for over a year, and neither of us acknowledged anything. All for the best.

But the suckiness resumed when I got out of work. See, my tire needs to be repaired. I'm driving twelve hours to Michigan tomorrow, and my tire is flat. I took it into Pep Boys after work, even made an appointment. However, they just called me, two hours later, and apparently the guy who fixes tires did not show up for work today. I have to walk back and get my car in the pouring rain and thunderstorm, then bring it to some other place that can fix the flat. I'm hoping Fool walks in the door any minute so she can give me a ride over there. I'm sure after battling a thunderstorm-filled rush hour drive home, she'd love to get right back on the road.

Oh well. As soon as I think it's safe, I'll head over there and get the damn car and bring it somewhere else.

Back to Happy Hour... good times. It was my fifth one (Little Havana I; Holy Frijoles I & II; Dizzy Issie's; and Lulu's Off Broadway, which I "planned"), and I felt much better about the whole thing than the last couple I went to (HJ II and DI). At both of those, it was crowded and hard to find a seat, and I never really felt comfortable. I didn't know a lot of people or couldn't find room next to the people I knew, and I was tired from long school days, etc, etc, and I just sort of found them to be mostly stressful social situations that left me feeling a little like she did.

But this one I enjoyed a great deal. I spoke with almost everyone, finding my fellow bloggers to be genuinely nice and interesting people. Not only was I comfortable, I was relaxed (check out this photo - I'm the one who is lounging on the picnic table bench in the middle right like I'm at home watching a movie or something). And, again, I say that there are few things better in the world than drinking Miller Lite outside on a hot summer night. I had a tall stack of plastic cups by the end of the night to prove how much I enjoyed that aspect of it. Anyhow, the faces have changed a lot in the last year in the Baltimore Bloggers World, but I've enjoyed reading and getting to know the new faces as well as keeping up with the old. I'm looking forward to the next one.

Michigan seems like a dream to me now

Almost talked myself out of a workout today, but was thankfully unsuccessful - working up a sweat felt good, even though I didn't quite reach my running goal. The day is young still so you never know.

A kid called me "sir" there, though. That threw me for a loop and reminded me that I'm about to turn 28.

Otherwise, I plan on heading over to Nick's tonight, where I'll get the seafood pizza, which is another of my favorite dishes that can be ordered in Baltimore.

I made $145 working at the restaurant on Sunday, the biggest day I've had all summer. Heck, that was about what I'd made all summer combined. It was a double, but still a nice surprise. Now I can pay rent this month. It was worrisome until then.

I'll be arriving back home in Michigan in about 50 hours. In that 50 hours, I'll have to spend 12 of it making the drive and 15 of it sleeping. I work tomorrow for 7 hours. That leaves 16 hours of free time. I hope I can use it for productivity because my procrastination this summer vacation is getting out of control.

28 days until I'm back in school.

Reading at the bar

We lost tonight, again, but it was probably our best game as a team. Our opponents came back in the last inning to beat us, but it's hard to be upset about a well-played game. And we had exactly ten people there - the perfect amount, because no one has to sit.

I'm trying to study myself as a slow-pitch softball player. I hit the ball hard most of the time, but don't get much distance on it. Today, I hit a line shot to left field with a little bit of distance, but the other three at-bats I just hit it hard at the thirdbasewoman, the pitcher, and the shortstop. I got on base each time except for the latter, and felt pretty good about my performance, but I can't seem to figure out how to use my upper body power and legs to drive the ball like, say, my friend Bill does. Tonight, Bill hit a homerun over the right fielder's head. That's another thing I really can't do - hit to right field.

After the game, we went to Kiss Cafe, but the turnout was piss poor, so we left early. Afterwards, I tried to convince Bill to join me at Thirsty Dog Pub, since I had to head back to that part of the city anyway to drop him off, and had my dog Holden with me. He refused, saying he was tired, but I had my taste buds fixated on the palm salad as soon as the image of the place came to mind, so I went anyway - just me and my dog. I called all the Federal Hill friends I could think of, but the friend supply there right now is exhausted because of summer vacations, so I just sat at the bar alone.

I was again reminded why the palm salad ("Hearts Afire") served at Thirsty Dog Pub is the single best dish served in the city of Baltimore. It's full of pieces of palm, fresh mozzarella cheese, black olives, field greens, and garnished with this incredible cheese breadsticks and a slightly sweet balsamic vinaigrette. Plus, it's just so damn cheap - the salad and two diet cokes was just $8.50 total. I honestly do not know how they make money on it because palm and mozzarella are expensive. I once tried to replicate the salad at home with store-bought ingredients and it was over $12 to make.

I just sat there at the bar, speaking with the built-like-a-palamino red-headed bartender. My small talk skills were not in full swing this evening, because I was tired, but it was still nice to chat. Eventually, a woman came in with a book. She and her dog were regulars, and it was interesting watching her. This is the second night in a row where I saw woman sitting alone at a bar, reading a novel. I wonder why people do this. I'm definitely impressed with it, but why not read at home? It's not like you're talking to anyone. I eventually decided that I approve of, and am even intrigued by, this behavior - reading is a solitary activity, but doing so in a bar probably makes it feel less so, and at least makes you feel like you're getting out and about. I eventually approached her and we talked a little bit about our dogs, but I was so exhausted that I needed to get home.

Today was nearly an entirely wasted day. I didn't run, I didn't work out, I didn't clean. I feel a little stupid about the random making out with the (british, married) girl last night at the bar, but luckily that news at the restaurant is being swept under the rug by the news that the Polish girl and the chef have been sleeping together for over a year. That news just broke yesterday. I don't feel so bad about making out with a co-worker in front of her now. I will be rather embarassed next time I go in there, though. British girl is not the type to be, and, besides, she has the excuse that she was drunk. I wasn't. I was just liking her tongue in my mouth. I'd never kissed someone with a tongue stud before. It's weird because I didn't think it was a big deal at the time or immediately after, but my co-workers who saw it all made a huge deal of it. As soon as I did it, it was so out of character that Zack declared that I was not driving home no matter what I said. He assumed that I was drunk, in other words, when actually I had been drinking diet coke. Just after, though, the Polish girl news broke and the timing couldn't be better.

Anyway, this day should end right now. I'm heading to bed.

State takeover?

State petitions to take over city schools
BCPS is being thrown into a tug of war between state leadership (Grazmick, Ehrlich) and city leadership (O'Malley). That's what this is. While I'm firm on the side of the city in this dispute - the improvements I've seen in the fiscal responsibility of city schools in the last eighteen months have been huge - I do wonder if a partial takeover of the Special Education department is in order.

In my scant opportunities to work with Special Education, I have found it to be the worst running department in the entire city. Students with special needs - and I've only had about 30 in four years of teaching - are thrown into a bubbling cauldron of ineptitude and finger-pointing. I believe for the most part that the people running this department are idiots, and they also tend to blame teachers for their own inadequecies.

Still, the thought of the state taking over anything else in the city scares the hell out of me. I've noticed some great changes in the system since Bonnie Copeland took over, and I'm inclined to stay the course. Getting taken over by the state would cause huge amounts of turmoil and many teachers - including me - would bolt.

Not only that, but the state taking over the city school system would be unethical because the state has steadfastly refused to give the school system what it needs. A few years ago, a federal judge order the state to give $40 million to city schools because it turns out they were underfunded. The money never came, and it's pretty apparent that politics are behind every decision both from O'Malley's and Erhlich's corner.

I've hated Ehrlich ever since he came on the news when I thought I would be laid off during the budget scare of 2003-2004 and said, "Yes, the Baltimore City Public Schools financial crisis. That is just a fascinating problem." The use of the word "fascinating" when i went into school every day expecting a pink slip was the moment he became my least favorite politician ever. He continued his assholish behavior about the issue the whole time it was happening, and then I vowed I would do whatever I could to get him out of off. I'll be glad when O'Malley - who I gained a lot of respect for when he bailed out the city schools, even if it was politically motivated and it came after he sided with Copeland about asking teachers to take pay cuts - spanks him this upcoming gubernatorial election.

Still, if the state can revamp our special education system, then please let them. One quick example. I had a student last year in a wheelchair. This falls under physical handicap, which is special education. I found out the morning of the first day of school that she would be in my classroom. I'm given no instructions about what sort of things she needs, and that's okay, because she was a smart girl and rolled with the punches. In around the middle of October, I get a memo asking me to devise an emergency action plan for this girl in case of a fire, and to provide any materials for such plan (the note actually include the phrase, "such as a fire blanket.") This plan was to be turned in and filed with the city. No instructions were given to me other than the need to file this plan. I had no idea what to do, so I went to my union rep, who told me to write a letter back stating I was not trained to make a plan about how to get a student (who, by the way, weighed 180 lbs) in a wheelchair down two flights of stairs in the event of a fire. This pretty much dropped it, but their attempt was a transparent ploy to shift the responsibility from their shoulders onto mine in case of a lawsuit.

Otherwise, the school system never got her to school once on time. She missed nearly an entire quarter and then started coming 45 minutes to an hour late. She got about a 30% in my class and much of the problem was transportation not afforded to her by the system.

My Ehrlich hatred makes me view everything the comes from the state - and from the horrible Nancy Grasmick, who will probably be Ehrlich's running mate - as an effort to make the city schools, and thus O'Malley, look bad. And I think a state takeover would be horrible for the kids of Baltimore. But if they want to come in and totally revamp the special education system, be my guest.

Lake MIchigan and the shorehouse

I went to a friend's family shorehouse over the weekend. Since said friend and I had closed down CVP the night before, it was a slow morning for me and I didn't get there until the late afternoon and only stayed an hour. But it was such a nice time that I had to write about it.

First of all, who knew that there were bodies of water so clean right around Baltimore City? Not me. It was beautiful, and I totally forgot that I had just gotten off the beltway a few minutes before. Secondly, the family was so nice - sitting in a circle of lawnchairs, making silly jokes, drinking beer, watching the water, making me feel welcome - and reminded me exactly of what my parents do most of the time during the summer back in South Haven. They don't have a cottage, but belong to a boat club, and their life surrounds that club in the summer. My parents sit around in a circle of lawn chairs with their friends, drinking beer and watching the water, just like these people did. It felt like home.

So, going to the shorehouse made me homesick. This is the latest into the summer I've ever gone without a trip back home to southwest Michigan and my parents' house, and I'm ready to go. I leave Thursday morning, provided my car is done and everything goes as planned this week. Books on tape are checked out from the library, the house is halfway cleaned and arranged (it'll be done before I leave), and I can almost taste the beach breeze blowing in off the crstyal clear Lake Michigan water.

Wild card race

W L Games behind:

Minnesota 53 45
Oakland 53 45
NY Yankees 51 45 1.0
Baltimore 50 47 2.5
Cleveland 51 48 2.5
Detroit 49 49 4.0

I don't think the Tigers have been this close to a pennant race this late in the season since the late 1980s. They're a very exciting team, with the best first baseman in baseball since early June (Chris Shelton, who will be a great hitter for a long time), the best young starter in baseball (Jeremy Bonderman), the triumphant return of a former slugger beleaguered by injuries for the last two seasons but now tearing it up (Magglio Ordonez), the formerly anemic hitting catcher now turned into top-three third baseman in the league (Brandon Inge), the journeyman who is 4th in the league in RBI for outfielders who went 5-for-5 with 6 RBI in a game this week (Craig Monroe), the hotheaded new closer who literally bodyslams his opponents and strikes out a hitter and a half an inning (Kyle Farnsworth), etc, etc. That's not even mentioning Carlos Guillen (hovering around .330 all year) or Hall-of-Famer Ivan Rodriguez (actually one of my least favorite players on the team).

Meanwhile, this has been my most involved weak of Orioles fandom yet - the Palmeiro thing got me psyched, as did the Burnett trade that could have put them over the top had they had the balls to do it. And, wow, they're a frustrating, frustrating team. I would like nothing more for them to overtake Boston, but really think their GM tandem needs to make a move or two - the Ponson trade, if it happens, helps, but only if it's a move to be followed by another to get a starting pitcher - to get out of the funk that they're in.

By the way, Sosa last week hit .333/.417/.667 in 21 at-bats (7-21) with 2 HR and 5 RBI.

Night of firsts

Yes, last night was definitely the first time I made out with a drunk married British chick with a tongue ring. In the middle of the bar. Three times. Right in front of the Polish Girl. Lulu's.

I'm out of control. Get me to quiet Michigan, STAT.

It's hard out here for a pimp

I can't get over how sore my nipples are right now. I think I have particularly sensitive nipples. For example, one time I walked into the restaurant and the Polish girl was standing there with a big grin on her face. She then asked if I was excited about something. I had no idea what she was talking about, but she kept grinning and laughing, and eventually she told me that my nipples were showing through my dress shirt. And it was cold out. But they're not just good thermometers - they respond just as much to touch. But they're not sensitive in a good way, but instead in the ouch-that-hurts sensitive way.

I once slept with a girl who bit them. She did it in a fairly gentle way, but I still hated it. The whole time she's doing it, I was wishing she would concentrate on different areas and eventually got to the point where it just flat out hurt. It wasn't just one of those things that your partner does again and again that they think you like because you pretend you do or maybe it's worked on others and you just pretend because it makes them feel good and it's polite. No, it was just flat out painful, and I didn't even try to fake it. I eventually just yanked her mouth away so we could make out some more, yet still she went back after that. I hated it so much that I never called her again. She was no obsessed with nipplage that she was probably a lesbian anyway. It wouldn't have been the first time, or, for that matter, probably not the last. I'm okay with that.

But they're not sore because of that right now. It's all the running and working out and sweating I'm doing lately in cotton shirts. I have a finite number of polyester or polypro shirts that I can wear, so I'm left with cotton that never dries for most of my activities. I've now started wearing band-aids on my nipples, but the damage has apparently been done because they're sore as hell. Plus, yesterday I spilled coffee on my shirt right over my right nipple and used bleach to get off the stain - while I was wearing the shirt (no real choice if you're waiting tables and can't change). The bleach on top of the already raw nipplage made me want to cry.

Today, they're just a little tender. But it's moments like these that I'm glad I'm not a woman. I mean, certainly I feel for the ladies when they have to deal with an eager breastman in the sack, and have always been as gentle as possible for this reason. But, much worse, I cannot comprehend how someone can breastfeed. Ouch! Even the thought of having another human being suckle off my nipple makes me queasy. So props to the ladies for strong nipplage in the face of pain.

I'm sorry about this entry. This is what summer vacation does to me. On a related note, I saw a guy in a t-shirt today that said, "Please tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes. Thank you." I thought it was hilarious.

ESPN jumping gun on trade?

ESPN may have shot their load early on announcing that trade...

From Ken Rosenthal:

The Padres also have reached a preliminary agreement on a trade that would send first baseman Phil Nevin to the Orioles for righthander Sidney Ponson, but Nevin's limited no-trade clause gives him the right to block a deal to the Orioles. Nevin's agent, Barry Axelrod, told TSN that Padres general manager Kevin Towers has yet to formally request Nevin's approval for a trade to the Orioles. Nevin vetoed a trade to Cincinnati (a deal involving Ken Griffey Jr.) in 2002.



"Phil doesn't want to go anywhere," Axelrod told TSN. "He's from this area. He's building a new home in San Diego. He has three children in school here. His parents attend a good portion of the games -- they live 80 or 90 miles up the road. San Diego is where he wants to be."

***

Damn baseball players and their kids! :)

Not sure what this means. A lot of speculation about how the deal may be happening so the Orioles can now trade Nevin and free up salary to take on Lowell in that original Burnett deal. It'll all be sorted out in the next few days because the trade deadline is July 31.

Ponson may still be around in search of home plate and his dinner plate.

I love baseball trade deadline time. It's even better than the winter meetings.

Orioles deal

No more Sydney Ponson. This also kills the Burnett deal, which is a bummer and unfortunately probably shows the Orioles management team of Flanagan and Beatty just isn't ballsy enough to take this team to contention. Maybe I'm wrong. I definitely would have done the Burnett deal, Mike Lowell (who is young enough to make a comeback and really isn't hitting that much worse than Nevin this year) be damned. Who is going to start in Sydney's place? Maybe there is other stuff in the works. It shouldn't be tough to find a starter who can do better than Ponson's 6.04 ERA.

I like the deal, though. Moving Ponson for a hitter like Nevin is basically a salary move, but Nevin helps a team more than Ponson. I've been a fan of Nevin's ever since he played for the Tigers in the early nineties, so it'll be good to be able to watch him again. I don't really know where he's going to play, with the unbelievable Rafael Palmeiro tearing it up right now. I really mispredicted him, although I still stand by my notion that Sosa will have a better second half then Raffy (so far, it's close).

I wonder if the O's want Jason Johnson - having the best season of his career, and the Tigers are looking to deal - back to fill that last starter void? Or will Hayden Penn be recalled?

Charlie and the Wedding Crashers at the Gym

I came home from my softball game yesterday in such soreness that I almost skipped the gym trip, but sitting down for a bit made it just so I couldn't feel my legs rather than remind me they were sore. So I decided to go anyway; working a half hour on the elipitical machine is what I had on my training schedule for today, and I thought it would help my legs feel better after the weights workout I heaved on them yesterday, allow the blood to stop pooling. I was right. I also worked my chest and back.

Afterwards, on a complete whim, I decided to go across the street and see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I mostly hated it. I'm not sure what it was. I can certainly tolerate and enjoy well-made kids' movies, but something about the tone of this one was way off. I kept waiting for it to really start, and it never really did. It reminded me at times of Ron Howard and Jim Carrey's terrible rendition of The Grinch, but it wasn't quite like that one was, a murder of a childhood love. Instead, it was just another Tim Burton movie about an eccentric outsider and father figures.

Towards the end of the film, when it was evident that it wasn't going to get any better than it was, I decided that it did have some worthiness - Depp's comic creation, the unbridled (and Dahl-esque) enthusiasm with which the film dispatched with the rotten kids of the bunch, the special effects involving the Oompa Loompas (all played by one actor and replicated with CGI). Still, I wonder if Tim Burton will ever make a film as good again as Beetlejuice or Edward Scissorhands. Probably not.

I laughed much, much harder at Wedding Crashers, which I saw earlier this week. This is a decidedly R-rated comedy that doesn't always hit its mark, but when it does, watch out. There's a scene at a dinner table that had me almost spitting up. And that scene involved a handjob, and that sort of lets you know the tone of the movie overall.

The Liquor Saleswoman

Today at the restaurant, this very attractive liquor saleswoman with the funky glasses that I like and a lil' junk in the trunk (the good kind) came in looking for the owner. She shakes my hand, introduces herself, and asks me my name. She then asks me if I was the person in charge of ordering. Uh, no, I'm just a lowly server, don't let my age fool you, I think but don't say.

The owner is an in-and-out guy and it's easy to miss him. She says she's tried and tried to catch him and she's been unsuccessful. She then explains that she would really like to know who she's doing business with. She excitedly asks about our wine dinners and wants to a part of them. There's a lot of smiling, a bit of eyelashing batting.

I then stepped outside myself and saw myself looking straight into her eyes, putting a little grin on my face, and saying, "Yes, I think it would be excellent to be doing business with you as well." I crinkled my brow a little and didn't avert my eyes, letting the half-grin linger on my face.

Our moment was broken up by the chef who came in behind me, hearing that last line. We all chatted for a bit, then she left, her beautiful rear end nestled in her short, bright floral dress trailing out the door.

I was a little beside myself. I just don't usually have the confidence to flirt like that. Now, I have no idea if she even noticed. But it sure felt good. The chef (the quintessential lady's man, he has a different girl on his arm every time I notice him and has these sadly hilarious one-night stand stories like, the one about the woman who wet his bed) elbowed me in the ribs and said, "I concur, Mr. Epiph - doing business with her would be excellent."

Her name was Jen. Jen. Jen. I've got to remember that next time I see her because I'm terrible with names. Jen. Jen. Jen.

The other mildly amusing moment came when these two old ladies came in. Over and over again, they remarked about how great it was to eat here, because it's totally empty, and they feel like they're in a private dining room. They were pleasant enough old ladies, but after a while I just couldn't take agreeing with them any more. The last time, I almost said, "Yeah, it's great that we're so dead, except if you're the server trying to pay rent with the tips you get all day." I didn't say it, but later sort of wished I did because they only tipped me $3 and they broke the cardinal tipping rule of tipping off the amount before the discount rather than the discounted amount. (Re: Their bill would have been $24 without the buy-one-get-one-free ticket, but instead was $12, and they tipped $2.)

I made $32 today. A lot better than the $18 last Thursday. But it still looks like I'll have to partially charge rent in August, which is unbelievably sucky. I guess I should have gotten another job this summer. I saved enough for all rent, car payments, car insurance, and student loans for the summer, but the early summer eye emergency appointments that insurance didn't cover, the car accident, and the lack of promised reimbursement from the school for my New Mexico training had decimated my savings. Maybe that check will come in the mail tomorrow or something, though.

Myspace is for kids

I went to the website of Sam Shaber today, hoping to see if she's going to be in the area in September so I might be able to book her for a house concert. (I'd link to the site, but my Holdenslair.com website is down right now, and has been for months, and I have no idea why because I thought I paid for two years on it, nor do I know how to fix it or where to inquire... ugh)

Anyhow, in her latest update - and, by the way, I asked her if she wanted to play on Friday, September 23, so maybe she'll be the big opener I'm looking for - she says she has a myspace.com profile. I'd fiddled with it before, but didn't like it as much as friendster, and, heck, I don't even really use friendster any more.

Anyhow, you could download a free Sam Shaber song if you went to her space, so I decided to make a profile for myself, or at least finish a profile from a while ago that my 16-year old cousin asked me to make. After I did that, I looked around the site, then did a search for the high school where I teach. Shit. Big mistake. I now know way more about some of my former students than I'd like to.

Actually, it wasn't so bad. I couldn't look away, so I kept reading these profiles and blogs of kids. Most of them are funny and innocent, like the boy I had two years ago for two classes at once who writes these paragraph-long runon sentences about going to the movies at the mall and getting in snowball fights. Then I found a profiles of a trifecta of really smart kids that had each other as buddies, and I saw all this amusing stuff about me. Actually, it was only three comments. None were bad. One kid said he had to do really well on his finals because he had to prove to me that he could do well on an in-class essay. That made me feel good, as he's a pretty brilliant kid but always ran out of time all year on timed writing. Then he had left a comment for another girl who went on this camping trip, with whom I had to do a ropes course with, just the two of us. He had said, "Gosh, that must have been so weird... and awkward??" I think it was much, much more awkward for me than her. It was this weird thing where we were on a tightrope 25 feet in the air, and we had to both lean backwards while holding on to each other in order to go from one end of the rope to the other. Now, this girl weighed 90 pounds, tops, and I'm more than double that, and she's a gymnastics whiz, and I often trip over my own feet on the ground. And she's laughing at me the whole time because I'm scared shitless. And I'm afraid I'm going to pull her down the whole time. So, yeah, much more awkward for me.

The last comment was from a kid who said A Lesson Before Dying was his favorite book and he thought he was going to hate it. That reminded me that I have to re-read it soon so it's fresh in my mind; we start the year with it (summer vacation is over in a month and three days).

I ended up not being able to turn away, and even thought about posting a comment to really freak them out. But I didn't. Let them have their fun without worrying about a teacher reading over their shoulder. My friend who teaches at another high school in the city has had to report blog activity to guidance because he was worried about a kid who had given him the blog address. None of that here, for me. There were a bit more f-bombs than I would have cared for, but it was all pretty innocent.

And, frankly, I never want to stumble upon it again.

In other news, it was so hot today during my four mile run this afternoon and my weights workout tonight that my nipples are chafed. Ouch! I'd forgotten about that side effect of running a lot.

Damn it

Orioles just lost their second game in a row, losing to the Twins, who won their second walk-off victory in a row. This sucks.

I tell you, this team needs a jolt. But now the bullpen looks to be sucking and losing Jorge Julio isn't going to help that.

Beaches

I wish I had someone to just call up on the phone and say, "Hey, let's go to Ocean City on Friday for the day." I've still never been there in my four years of living here, and a road trip sounds fun. But, alas, it's not to be. I could go alone, I suppose.

This has been a strange week. I'm in Baltimore because I only asked for July 28-August 3 off this summer, and again from August 13-August 19. In both cases, I'm going on trips. So the restaurant can schedule me for all other times. This week, I've been scheduled for just Thursday day and a double on Sunday. I can't believe I'm working so little right now, but the time in between days I work isn't enough for a trip home to Michigan (and, besides, my parents are on vacation right now anyway). I'm making some pretty good use of my days, but not enough use - I'm not spending money, which is good, and am just sort of pittering around, having nice long workouts and runs, going to the movies (saw Wedding Crashers yesterday) and very slowly working on a thorough cleanup of the house. Still, my reading has stagnated the last couple of days and I'm spending too much time on the computer.

Back to the beach... one reason I've never been there since I moved here is that every summer chance I get, I go and spend it on my hometown beach, which is stone beautiful. In a week's time, I'll be drifting somewhere on Lake Michigan in my parents' boat, reading a book and diving in whenever I get too hot. It's been in the mid-nineties and humid most of the summer in Michigan - much like it is here - so I'm guessing the water temperature is in the mid-to-high seventies. I can't wait.

Reason #584 why I love my 7-11

I went into my Harford Road 7-11 tonight at around 9:30 to fill up on caffeine before going out to Bally's to complete my second workout of the day - this one primarily running. I filled up my coffee cup, sauntered around drinking it for a while, then filled it up again - my coffee trick that no one seems to mind over there since I'm one of their best customers.

Then I go up to the register. Shit, I don't have my wallet. Then I realize I only have 76 cents in my pocket; refills cost 94 cents. So I head out to my car, but it's the rental and I don't have my usual ashtray full of change. Nothing is on the ground under the seats. So I walk around 7-11 for a little while, looking on the ground for a quarter or something. I got nothing.

So I embarrassedly bring my coffee up to Muhammad, who works 20-hour days sometimes, and it looked like he was towards the end of one of those days, and explain my situation. He asks how much I have, then lets me have the coffee for that 76 cents. I offered to run home and get the money for him, but I knew he wouldn't hear of it. I'll get him tomorrow.

I guess I could think to myself that he really didn't have a choice, other than dumping out the coffee and not letting me have it. At least he got something for it by letting me have it. But I prefer to think that he was just being a good person.

Just like with Bush tonight choosing John Roberts as the Supreme Court nominee. I could think that he's choosing the more controversial candidate (more than the rumored Edith Clement, who I was a little excited about, or the earlier rumored Gonzales) so that the confirmation hearings will help deflect attention from the Karl Rove mess (and, by the way, it's really amusing to listen to right wing radio right now, proclaiming that Rove did nothing illegal. Hello? Aren't some things about right and wrong? Isn't revealing the identity of a CIA agent morally wrong, even in the unlikely event that it's not considered illegal? And bad for the country, no matter how you slice it and what technicality you try to get off with? ). I could think that. Part of me definitely does. But I prefer to acknowledge that there could have been a heck of a lot worse candidates than this guy, and even though he's anti-choice, he seems to have some respect for maintaining the precedent that's been set (and Roe v. Wade was 6-3 anyway, so now it would just be 5-4). At first glance, he seems like he'll follow the law and the consititution, and while he's real religious so I know how he'll vote on gay rights and abortion and capital punishment, hopefully he'll be someone who, like O'Connor did, listens to both sides of an issue and isn't a Clarence Thomas-like tool of the right.

It's a bit shocking to me that the Supreme Court now has just one woman, though. I would never want anyone chosen just for gender or race, but when you step back and look at the big picture, it's not very inspiring to see 7 white guys, a black guy who is hook-line-and-sinker with a party that less than 10% of black people vote for, and one woman (and she's old and has had cancer in recent years). There's just something wrong with that picture, much like the recent Rolling Stone list of the 500 Greatest Albums of All Time that contained all of 48 albums by female artists. I wrote a letter about that. I don't know what my options are here, except hope that Ginsberg can stay kicking for a few more years and maybe the next nominee will be more moderate and more female.

So, I now officially have Orioles fever. Tonight, for the first time ever, I turned off the Tigers game to listen to the Orioles. Of course, the Tigers were winning 7-1 against the hated White Sox, and the Orioles were involved in a close one against the Twins (another team I hate, a hatred stemming from their 1987 victory against the Tigers in the playoffs). It was a heartbreaking loss tonight. I hope this AJ Burnett trade happens because something needs to jolt this team back to first place. The new news is that the Orioles don't want Lowell and that Pittsburgh will be involved in the trade, and that the Orioles might get Daryle Ward instead of Lowell. This probably would be alright, but I have mixed feelings about Ward, who used to be a Tigers prospect. He's never lived up to his hype, and has always been out of shape. I don't see how he could play a corner outfield position effectively. He can hit, for the most part, but not enough to be a corner outfielder or a first baseman, and he hasn't hit very well this year. We'll see. If we get Burnett, all the offensive player has to do is replace the mediocre bat of Larry Bigbie, so I think we'll be alright. I just think Lowell, despite his struggles this year, is more likely to bust out than Ward.

Also, don't look now but Sammy Sosa is 7-18 (.389) with a home run and two doubles in his last 4 games. He's back, I tell you.

Online dating

So I'm getting a little back into the online dating thing. I've had a profile for a while, but have done very little with it. But for some reason I've been getting a lot of winks and even a few unsolicited e-mails lately. I've replied to four e-mails with e-mails of my own, but have not gotten any subsequent replies back. I'm not sure what it is about these e-mails that is scaring the women off, and I'm hoping they're just slow to reply.

Then I read her post. Oy. I guess I've been going about this all wrong.

Heh, I'm just kidding about that. I try to make my replies full of humor, questions that show interest, and small bits of information about myself. I'm trying to be natural but I hate this second stage in the process, the stage where I'm thinking, "Well, we've both look at our profiles and liked what we saw. Might as well meet in person, eh?" but you still have to go through some chatty small talk over e-mail that I'm not very good at. (Apparently not, as I'm getting no replies!) Still, I hope something comes of one of these eventually. While I'm pretty choosy about which profiles I've replied to, that doesn't take away from the fact that it has been quite a while since I've been on a first date and I'm getting excited about the prospect.

Summer

There are few things I enjoy more in the summer than sitting outside and drinking ice cold Miller Lite with friends. Tonight was one of those nights. I can't think of a better way to spend an evening.

Our loss tonight was a heartbreaker. We were down 5-4 with runners on 2nd and 3rd with zero out in the last inning, and we somehow still lost with a rather amazing pitcher-to-first-to-home double play and a popup. I still am reeling. We're now 2-3. Ugh.

Lastly, I feel like I'm putting myself on the line with all my Sosa talk lately. After tonight's victory (in which he hit a 2-run home run), he's hitting .200/.200/.800 so far since I said he was going to have a good second half. I'll be posting periodic updates.

Today was a good day

1. I give. I'm already excited.

2. My legs feel like they're dead. I could barely squeak out two miles today. I don't know what it is. Maybe some sort of plateau I have to push through.

3. Mowing was a job and a half today.

4. Had quite a bit of bird drama when completing #3. I ran over a particularly thick and tall chunk of lawn, when this young robin flew out at me. Startled, I shut off the mower and was relieved that I didn't hit the bird. But he couldn't fly and was hopping around and chirping plaintively. I looked around for a nest, but there were no trees around for it to have fallen out of. This bird looked as though it was hours from its first actual flight, so he wasn't helpless, but I didn't think it could fend for itself. I didn't know what to do. I tried to catch it, but it hopped through the holes in the fence, which was a good thing because I didn't know what I would have done if I did catch it. Then I saw mom and dad on the telephone wire overhead. They were all chirping, trying to get me to leave. So I did. Now it's hours later and I still see the robin parents out my window, and they still seem concerned. Hopefully everything will work out okay.

5. I hate to say it, but I'm getting a little softballed out. A victory tonight will change that, I suspect. But I played last Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, Monday, practice tomorrow, and play Thursday - wow.

6. Driving a rental car is fun. I've never taken those speedbumps on Southern Avenue so fast.

Major O's trade?

Ben Maller is reporting that the Orioles are about to trade for AJ Burnett, third baseman Mike Lowell, and perhaps minor league outfielder Eric Reed for Jorge Julio, outfielder Larry Bigbie, and top pitching prospect Hayden Penn.

If this trade happens, watch out for the O's - this might be the trade that makes them win the pennant. AJ Burnett is poised to become one of the best starters in the game, and a rotation anchored by him, a returning Eric Bedard, and Lopez is right up there with the Red Sox and far and away better than the Yankees' rotating door of 40-year olds.

It's a concern taking Mike Lowell, another aging slugger making a lot of money ($18 million over the next two years). But he was a terrific player as soon ago as last year, and if (a big if) he can play the position of LF (left unoccupied by Larry Bigbie, who won't really be missed except maybe by her), then he could be a find. Then again, he could have had it, like Sammy Sosa looks like he has. I actually think Sosa will bust out a bit in the second half, as Sosa's peripheral numbers (BB/K) are at or better than his career rates, so he still has decent pitch selection. Lowell, on the other hand, has higher K rates and lower BB rates, as well as much lower power rates, than he has had the rest of his career. He could still come back pretty good, though, and, either way, he's presumably going to be expected to replace the easy-to-replace bat of Larry Bigbie.

He also might just play against lefties, platooning with Palmeiro and probably getting some DH at-bats. Lowell hits lefties well still, so this could be a good move. This puts Gibbons in as the everyday LF and keeps Sosa in RF everyday.

The player the O's will miss this year is Jorge Julio, who is one of the best setup men in the league, even though I don't think most O's fans recognize this. The O's bullpen is pretty weak right now, and that weakens it. It's too bad the O's decided to keep Steve Kline and Steve Reed this spring training instead of Jay Witasick, who they released, and who has had a good year as a setup man for the Rockies and now the A's. If Jason Grimsley can be effective now that he's back, that would make the loss of Julio much easier to take.

I don't know much about the O's minor league system, so I don't know how highly Hayden Penn is looked upon. He was fairly impressive in his callup this year, so they'll probably miss him.

All in all, though, this looks to be a good deal for both teams. The O's get Burnett for the year, and might get some use out of Lowell. The Marlins get rid of Lowell's bad contract, and get a young prospect and a decent reliever. Bigbie is the type of player who can be signed as a free agent easily, while Reed hopefully is a guy who could become a Larry Bigbie down the road. And hopefully for the Tigers, the O's won't sign Burnett to a long term deal so the Tigs can sign him in the off-season, which they've been rumored to be doing for a couple of years now.

If it happens, it will be very good for the O's and be a major boon for the pennant hopes. Now, rumor has it that the Red Sox are also after Burnett, and if that's the case, the O's better get it done - the acquisition of Burnett by the Red Sox would pretty much sew up the division for them. The Yankees and White Sox also want Burnett. I say that the O's should pull this trigger because this is the moment to make things happen, even if there are risks.

I'll also be interested to see if the trade means Sidney Ponson gets moved to the bullpen. Chen has a 3.76 era, while Cabrera is at 4.70 and striking out a ton of batters. Ponson now has a 6.04 era and you never expect him to pitch a good game. It's a bummer he hasn't worked out better for the O's. They really fleeced the Giants with him, trading him for some good prospects and then re-signing him a few months later. Too bad Ainsworth got hurt and Ponson hasn't been any good since they re-acquired him. It could have been a good move.

To Andrea T.

I can't seem to find your e-mail address, so I just wanted to thank you. They arrived safely and I've already read The Courage to Teach: A Guide to Reflection and Renewal, which I found to be quite good. Thanks for cheering up my bad day.

In news related to my car getting hit, I officially take it in tomorrow to get fixed, where I'll pay that stinking deductible. But it will be fun to have a rental for a week or so, and insurance is covering $25/day of the rental and it costs just $28/day, so that's not too bad.

I have to take the car in between 8 and 9 tomorrow. That means I have to suddenly get my schedule back in whack, which is a good thing. Last night I didn't get in until morning, and then slept the morning away before getting up and facing the day on five hours of sleep. I've worked out today, and built two bookshelves, so I'm tired. Sleep should come easy, I hope. It's so damn hot that the air conditioner barely works, though.

Harry Potter

I know I should be into Harry Potter. I like what it's done to get kids reading, and think it's great that people go crazy and go to the premiere of a book.

But I read the first one a while ago, and I just found it okay. A little bit like warmed over Roald Dahl without the subversiveness. I mean, I didn't hate it, and maybe my expectations were too high, but I just thought it was okay. The movie was a rote retelling of it that didn't make me want to see the sequels and didn't leave much for those over twelve, even though I think I would like to see the Alfonso Cuaron-directed one someday because I've liked his work and that one got good reviews.

Anyhow, I feel a little guilty I'm not into this whole craze more. First off, it probably would be a good way to connect with my students, as I know a few of them will be fans. In fact, a student of mine from last year just e-mailed me all about it, saying, "... I don't want any other fantasy books except for Harry Potter. By the way, you haven't told me whether you read the HP Series or not!! You have to be!!" I heard from somebody that the books got better as they went on, that the longer the Harry Potter book, the better it is. We'll see. I've got a ton on my reading agenda right now, but maybe I'll be tempted.

Another good reason to be tempted is that my oldest friend, D., whose wedding I just attended in Maine, has been appointed the task of writing the review for the book from her employer, which just happens to be (one of the?) the largest news wire service in the country. Her review was due in to Gannett sometime this afternoon; apparently, she's been reading nonstop since she and John got the book at midnight on Friday. With any luck, it will be picked up and printed across the nation tomorrow and the next day. We'll see. That would make me read it, I think.

Right now, I'm still reading Don Quixote and finally picked up and read half of the Phil Jackson book Sacred Hoops, which is always on the summer reading table at Barnes and Noble, so I figure other schools are assigning it as summer reading. It actually might be a book to hand to kids because so far it's very readable and focuses on how Jackson meshes spirituality and basketball. Cool stuff, so far.

Brawl

Wow, a 25-minute brawl between the Tigers and the Royals just now! Hernandez better get suspended for at least fifteen games for throwing at Guillen's head.

This will get us on Sportscenter and Baseball Tonight, which seems to me from my gym visits as the "Red Sox and Yankees Hour."

Emmy Awards

I don't watch much TV these days. I wish I did, it helps relax me a bit, and maybe I'll be better about it next year. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a cheap TV from Wal-Mart sometime, maybe when I have some paychecks coming in, because mine is working very poorly. I've had it for probably eight years, and it's a cheapie - still one of those that cannot hook up a DVD player without a converter box, and you have to plug and unplug a bunch of things to switch between VCR and DVD. So I might do that, for the living room. It's on the horizon, at least.

Anyhow, even though I don't watch much TV, I watch enough to have been generally pleased by the Emmy Awards this year. Scrubs getting a nomination is long-deserved. I enjoyed seeing Jason Bateman, an actor I remember watching fifteen years ago on that Hogan's Family sitcom, get a nomination. I have strange fascinations with both Conchata Farrell (from when she was added to the cast of LA Law when I was really into that show) and Holland Taylor (from a TV show called The Powers That Be that no one remembers but me but it had a great cast and was very funny to my fourteen-year old mind), so it was cool to see them get nominations even though I've never really seen that Charlie Sheen show. I also think Jeremy Piven, Sandra Oh, CCH Pounder, Oliver Platt, and Stockard Channing are all very good actors, and I like to see them nominated. Ditto all the nominations to Lost, which is a show I know I'd like.

But how in god's name does The Wire get just one nomination, for writing? This is the best show on television as far as I'm concerned, and is a show that could use some Emmy support to survive.

Baseball dork

Don't look now, but the Tigers are five games out of the Wild Card spot.

In related news, the probable day of the tattoo is Monday, Aug. 1. I've decided to do it back in Michigan, where I figure they'll know how to make a Detroit Tigers tattoo better than anyone down here. This is, of course, if I don't chicken out. Or smarten up, depending on your perspective.

Long, but good, day today. Started with a rollicking softball loss, a ten-run spanking that was equal parts only having eight people mixed with not being able to hit the ball. I was especially guilty on the latter. I felt great at the plate last game, hitting a triple that was one of the hardest balls I've ever hit in softball, and then was anemic today.

Afterwards, it was off to Kiss Cafe for lunch, and I'm quickly becoming impressed with their food. Lots to choose from, all very vegetarian friendly and tasty. Today, I got brunch and ate for less than $10 and was very satisfied. My friend John came up from DC and we wanted to watch the Red Sox/Yankees game, so we headed over to Ray Lewis's Bar-B-Que next door. It was my first time there, and had mixed feelings about it. The atmosphere was strange, sort of too bright and fancy to be a sports bar, and I was surprised by how many kids were there. But like any guy, I enjoyed the TVs at our tables, and we had a good time there, watching the entire game. We were there so long that I ended up having the catfish sandwich - pretty much the only thing on the menu that I could have with my quasi-vegetarianism - and it was damn good. But fried with lots of mayonnaise, so extra laps at the gym tomorrow.

John and I are dorks, and are doing a special fantasy baseball competition for the rest of the season, based on this article. Basically, the two sportswriters decided to pick sixteen players each - one from each team - to fill an entire lineup (10 offensive players, including DH, along with four starting pitchers and two relievers).

John and I replicated this draft today (with Renee officiating... she hung out all afternoon with us, it was cool. I wonder so much about her, and about how things might have been different, and if I might somehow still have a chance with her, but that's for another, much whinier entry, so I'll leave it here in the parentheses so I can get back to my enthralling fantasy baseball story), and these are the teams:

My Team:
1B: Derek Lee
2B: Rickie Weeks
SS: Miguel Tejada
3B: Garrett Atkins
C: Victor Martinez
OF: Bobby Abreau
OF: Manny Ramirez
OF: Johnny Gomes
DH: Mark Teixeira
SP: Rich Harden
SP: Jeremy Bonderman
SP: Javier Vasquez
SP: Dontrelle Willis
RP: Miguel Batista
RP: Jose Mesa

His Team:
1B: Albert Pujols
2B: Jeff Kent
SS: Felipe Lopez
3B: Alex Rodriguez
C: Ramon Hernandez
OF: Vladimir Guerrero
OF: Scott Podsednik
OF: Andruw Jones
DH: Mike Sweeney
SP: Johann Santana
SP: Pedro Martinez
SP: Roger Clemens
SP: Jason Schmidt
RP: Chad Cordero
RP: Eddie Guardado

For batters we are tracking:
Runs, Home Runs, RBI's, SB's, Avg. and OPS.

For pitchers we are tracking:
Wins, Saves, IP's, Strike outs, ERA and WHIP

We're going to do it for the rest of the year and see how it goes.

I'm a dork.

tomorrow is a new day. you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. (emerson)

Cost of rental car per day: $25
Cost of insurance deductible: $500
Cost of repairs to door and fender: $1910
Feeling sorry myself on a Friday night: priceless

The night has not gotten any better. Major League Baseball TV keeps shutting off for no reason at all, and I refuse to load it again because the last time it quit I nearly punched my desk. Woah. If I'm going to be sitting home alone on a Friday night feeling sorry for myself and wanting to be alone, I want to be able to sit at the computer and watch baseball. Not to be.

One last request: Please never ever let me use the tone of voice that my father used with my tonight. I think he was drunk, but that doesn't matter. Anytime someone is feeling low and a conversation with you makes him lower, then perhaps you just shouldn't have talked with him. And somehow this was in a conversation in which he let me off the hook for my payment to him this month because of the shit that happened to my car. Yet he still made me feel like absolute crap.

I'm 22 again tonight - listening to Fiona Apple way too loud, spending way too much time on the Internet, ignoring an unfinished project laying across my living room that I quit because of frustration, caring too much about things my dad says, sitting in a nest of sweat and clutter, pondering my place in the world. Thank god there's no cheese in the house because it would have been gone hours ago.

Tomorrow is a new day and I need it. On a positive side, the whininess of this entry is sort of funny to me. Forget 22... I sound like I'm 15. But they're real feelings tonight. They won't be tomorrow, I don't think.

While I was sleeping, I lost $500 and my car

I've had my license now for almost twelve years. In that time, I've had zero moving violations, zero speeding tickets, and zero accidents except for hitting a curb in an unplowed Baltimore library parking lot after a snowstorm. I pay $127 a month in insurance, and it was by far the best deal I could find.

So a lady hits my parked car during a rainy morning a week ago while I slept in my house. I'm laid back about it - it was clearly her fault, as the car was parked and unoccupied, so clearly her insurance will cover it, right?

However, it turns out she has a $15,000 limit on her insurance spending. One car she hit - a 1995 Mazda - has to be totalled. Another has $7800 worth of damage. With the $2000 of damages to my car, we're up over her maximum. I have to go through my own insurance, her insurance person tells me. So I do. I now have to pay my $500 deductible and pay for a rental car (insurance covers some of this), but, worse, my alread sky-high premium rates will probably increase.

I'm fuming about this. How is it legal that someone could have a $15,000 maximum on insurance? In Michigan, the minimum is $100,000. This is downright ridiculous, and I'm irate about it. I do not get a paycheck until September 15 because of the fucked up way that Baltimore City Public Schools pays its teachers, and now this has obliterated my savings. My dream of a credit-free summer is over. And it wasn't even my fault.

A nearly spotless twelve year driving record ruined by a bitch who can't drive in the rain. And I'm $500+ in the hole.

Reading

I just read a 290-page novel in one sitting. Now that's summer vacation. It wasn't a classic like Don frickin' Quixote (which is getting repetitive and too goofy), either. It was just funny baseball fiction. The Dreyfus Affair. Pretty good.

I should do that sort of thing more often.

I started the evening by watching a disappointing Tiger game, then trying to build my Ikea furniture. I got frustrated when I kept screwing up, so I went to the gym. I got myself all caffeinated and energy drink drunk, but then decided not to go, and just came home and read all night. It's now 2:30 and I'm finally tired. This will totally screw up my sleep schedule for the weekend, but what a good night. I haven't completed a book since Farming of the Bones two weeks ago, so I was falling behind in my summer reading schedule.

This is summer vacation?

Bad mood all day. Had only two tables, made $18 for the seven hour shift. $15 of it came from a table of three friends who stopped in. Working a shitty restaurant job sucks. I like it a lot of the time, but these afternoon shifts - which I've been privelaged to only take about ten of in two years, because of my real job as a teacher - are killer. They're like the sentence you have to fulfill in order to get a good shift or two a pay period. I had a good shift on Monday, but have made $52 in 14 hours of work on Wed-Thurs.

In addition, at 27, I'm too old for a job that doesn't allow a lunch break, where I have to ask permission to use the phone or put a Ray Charles CD in.

And I'm on vacation, but I feel so freaking busy right now. The house is in shambles, the yard needs to be mowed, the car is still dented and I had to make a claim on my own insurance because the woman who hit it was underinsured, the workouts haven't been completed since Tuesday, e-mails need to be returned, the dog hasn't been walked in a couple days... it's all overwhelming at the moment.

Thankfully, I have absolutely no commitments from now until 10:30 am on Saturday. I'm going to go to the gym and clear my head. Or maybe take a nap. Or maybe both. Next up is cleaning my house, which is embarassingly bad since I bought the Ikea shelves and cleaned out my car.

Dreams

I keep having a recurring dream about the first day of school. I'm trying this year to be double the hardass (for lack of a better term, really I just mean clear, hard and fast expectations) as I usually am at the start of the year, and every dream I have is that it won't go well. I remember one very vivid one from last night in which a girl sitting in my front row to the right - a student I've never had before, but she had sandy brown hair, pale skin, and freckles - was giving me attitude all morning. At one point, I shouted that I would write her up even if it was the first day of school.

Not a nice moment. It's making me read a lot more about classroom management.

I also had a dream last night that I showed up at school and my Athletic Director was coaching my baseball team and totally not paying attention to the game. We were down 9-8 in the last inning, and a girl (?) who failed my English I class last year bunted. It went past the second baseman, and it reminded me of a video game while watching her run. She was very slow. She got to second, and since she was the game-tying run, it was clear that we needed to pinch run. The Athletic Director was arguing with a friend and not paying attention. I'm shouting and shouting and finally he hears me and acts surprised that we can pinch-run. We call for a pinch runner and it turns out it's me, and then I wake up.

This is what happens when I go drinking after a particularly cruel softball loss, I guess. We literally lost because of six inches. A hit down the line, a runner on second, one run needing to score, and the hit fell in six inches foul. It sucked.

I have to work today. That will suck. I made $34 yesterday working for seven hours. These afternoon shifts are killer. At least I can read.

fifty-five cents

Dear gentleman from North Carolina,

I enjoyed our conversation today. You're in from out of town and are seeing the sights. You ate at your hotel this morning, that's cool. I understand that you don't want to eat anything at the restaurant today. You seemed like a nice guy.

But then you found out that your two beers came to $9.00. I'm sorry if you think that's expensive, which you told me, but perhaps you should have looked at the menus that I handed you and you refused to peruse. It's not my fault you ordered beers without looking at their prices on the menu. Even if you realized your mistake, you shouldn't have punished me for the high cost of the beer by leaving me a 55-cent tip.

Frankly, as broke as I am in the summer, I would have rather not dealt with your sorry ass than make fifty-five cents. That one tip you left me on a very slow day just ruined my mood.

Fifty-five cents. What are you even thinking that this could be acceptable? Are they really that cheap in North Carolina?

Fuck you very much,
Epiphany in Baltimore

All-Star game

I was playing softball with some Orioles fans that were whining the Brian Roberts was batting 9th. Uh, excuse me? First off, who do you move down so he could move higher in the lineup? Secondly, Oriole fans have no room at all to complain about anything to do with the All-Star game. With Roberts, Tejada, Mora, and Ryan all there, there is no one else who could even come close.

Meanwhile, Detroit, who is freaking hosting the game, can't get Jeremy Bonderman (who is 11-4) or Brandon Inge or, heck, Kyle Farnsworth on the team. Meanwhile, that smug asshole Kenny Rogers will appear. I hope the fans at Comerica boo him to bits.

If the Orioles were smart, they would trade for Carlos Pena right now. He is tearing it up and the Tigers apparently have given up on him in favor of the fat carcass of Dmitri Young. Sad. But at least I'd have the jersey if he was in Baltimore.

The All-Star game should be good. It would be better if Jeremy Bonderman was there, but oh well. My house is ridiculously hot, though, but I'm not going out because I'm going out tomorrow night and two nights in a row is just too much for my bank account.

I so wish I was in Detroit right now.

Octopus

1. Really interesting article on tipping here.

2. Even though I'm on vacation (42 more days!), I still feel pretty busy. I'm cat-sitting, giving friends rides to the airport, working out like a maniac (seven mile run this afternoon), playing softball on two different teams, and perfecting my syllabus.

3. One said softball game is tonight. It's at 6:30, so it should be over right around 8:00, so I can see the All-Star game. It's in Detroit, you know, where I spent a good part of my formative years of my youth, and I really wish I was there. I heard they put a Gatorade sign to cover up the retired numbers, though. That'll piss me off.

4. You know how when you're reading a great novel, and you want to highlight a well-turned phrase or a moving passage, or at least put a fingernail crease on the page so you can come back to it? I'm feeling that lately when listening to Saul Williams. I'm driving along and want to copy down the phrasing I hear, I'm so blown away. In a few decades,he could be looked back on as one of the greatest poets of his generation. I checked his website because I'd love to see him live, and he's opening up for Nine Inch Nails right now. Very strange.

5. Is it true that both Wedding Crashers and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory open up this Friday? Shit. I've got to see Batman Begins and Cinderella Man before that. I'm anal about seeing movies in the order they were released.

6. Is it wrong to hope that Rafael Palmeiro goes into a horrible slump so he can get hit 3000 in Baltimore? I'd love to see it.

7. I was hurting so badly yesterday that I had to go upstairs at the restaurant and lay down. I think I had some bad sushi. Or my body is getting a little broke down from all the running. Or the beers Sunday night at Rocky Run got to me. Or the leg workout kicked my ass the day before. Whatever the reason, I felt better twenty minutes later, came down and made a C-Note and feel great today. Am about to go run a seven-miler when my stomach settles.

8. I was successful with the appraisal today with my car that the lady hit on Friday. She's insured through MAIF, which has been nothing but pleasant to deal with so far. I say so far with an edge of hesitation because they told me today that her claim may be classified as an "in excess" claim, which means the sum total of all the repairs to all the vehicles she damaged (three plus her own) may turn out to be more than what her insurance covers. Therefore, I may have to make a claim with my own insurance company. I'm not going to worry too much about it until I hear for sure if it's one of these "in excess" claims. The guy told me to wait a few days before I bring it into a body shop if I can because it'll be better to have that all figured out before I go in there. I also called my insurance company and they told me the same thing. So my car is still dented ($1580 was the estimate today), but it's driveable.

NPR

I've been listening to a lot of NPR these days. I haven't always liked Mark Steiner, but I'm liking him a lot right now. In the past, I thought he came across as a know-it-all, but a good friend of mine bid to have lunch with him - and won. It cost her something like $180. I was flabbergasted and asked her why she would pay that much money to take minor celebrity out to lunch, and she told me that he's the one who first made her feel like she was part of Baltimore. Plus, she reminded me how pro-education he is. I've since listened to him in a new light, and like him a great deal. He really seems to listen to his guests, much like Terri Gross on "Fresh Air."

So today I was listening, and Laura Lippman was the guest. All I can say is that she impressed me so much that I went to Barnes and Noble while I was listening and bought one of her books - this one. All of her books take place in Baltimore and she also seems the type who would come in and speak with my students if I asked her. So I'm going to read a few of her books this summer. After Don Quixote, of course.

Later, I heard as many different versions of the Karl Rove leak story as I cared to hear. What a fascinating thing this is. The administration gets pissed at a diplomat for criticizing the war, so they leak to a reporter that the diplomat's wife is a CIA agent. I'm sure that this is going to be completely ignored by most of the press, like most anything else that goes against Bush. I'm sure our "liberal media" will report this story with as much gusto as the gay male prostitute sent in to lob softball questions at the WH spokesperson during press briefings, or Rove's heinous comments about liberals wanting to "understand" the enemy after 9-11 instead of retaliate. But, it is fascinating nonetheless. The White House has been denying for two years that it had anything to do with the leak, and now it appears they'll have egg on their face.

That being said, all signs point to Rove having some ethical strength by not allowing that reporter to go to jail, and coming forward and allowing his name to be put forth as a source. I'm not sure if this is how it will go down, but it seems to be the case that Rove didn't want the reporter to go to jail for his secrecy, so he came forward - something that was the right thing to do and may very well cost him his job (in the doubtful possibility that the press holds the White House accountable, that is).

Barroom trivia

I just drove out to the insurance company of the lady who hit me for an assessment of the damages to my car. There's a decent sized dent where the driver's door and the front fender meet, making it tough to open the door. When I go over bumps, the tires rub against the dented part. Otherwise, though, it's not too bad. I suspect it will cost the insurance company a pretty penny to fix it though.

Unfortunately, the Mapqest Directions I printed out got me lost. I drove all around West Baltimore looking for Lord Baltimore Street, but did not find it. I didn't call because I thought I had left my cell phone at home; it was until I returned that I found it underneat my gym workout sweat towel on my front seat. The appointment was for 10:30 and I finally called them after returning home at 11:15. The guy on the phone was really nice, and we rescheduled for tomorrow at ten.

Hopefully I'm not out until 3am tomorrow night and tomorrow morning won't be as fuzzy as this one was.

My friend M. called yesterday at around six. I had just had my second workout of the day, and had bought a couple of bookshelves at Ikea to take home and build. I was beat, and almost didn't call her back. But her message said she wanted to get together Sunday night or Monday night, as she was leaving for the Cape on Tuesday.

M. was my first friend in Baltimore. On my old site, I called her "Boston Betty," because she comes from Boston and has a passing resemblance to Bette Midler. But now I'll go with her initial, because that's a pretty silly alias. In November of my first year here, after a couple months of not really having any friends, she took me on a tour of Baltimore and then out to dinner. I got lost all the time until then, never really getting the concept that Calvert and Charles were the two roads that headed north, and St. Paul headed South, and those were pretty much the three most important roads to know in Baltimore. Until then, my roommate and I had spent much of our time in White Marsh, because we knew how to get there and it was familiar, and that was the first time the city opened up to me. She's a woman who is old enough to be my mother, and is married to a great guy she met overseas, and I think we've formed a connection because she sees in me some of her when she was my age - namely, a sense of wanderlust and a love of teaching.

She became a great friend, but I don't see her that much any more; she switched schools and moved to the other side of 33rd. Last night, I was hesitant to go out because I was broke and tired, but decided to, and I had a great time. We spent hours just sitting there at Rocky Run, playing trivia and drinking beer. You may say Rocky Run is just like Friday's or Chili's or something, and it might be, but it's fairly cheap and the beer is extremely cold. I love throwing peanut shells on the ground, and it's never too smoky and rarely too crowded. I like it. And something about Rocky Run makes me get drunk quickly. Maybe it was because I hadn't eaten much. Or maybe it's the 32-oz beers. Whatever it was, I had to slow down and hold off until I drove the short distance home afterwards.

It was a great night, though, one of those that I'll look back at at the end of the summer and count as memorable - a total spur of the moment night of barroom trivia with my oldest friend in Baltimore.

Running II

My running schedule this past week:

Monday: 6 miles
Tuesday: Eliptical for 45 minutes
Wednesday: 3 miles
Thursday: Oops, skipped
Friday: 4 miles
Saturday: 4 miles
Sunday: 2.5 miles

I'm also maintaining my three-day rotation of Chest/Back, Arms/Shoulders, and Legs.

I've lost ten pounds so far this summer.

Today, the easy 2.5 mile run was all I did. I'm planning on going to a different gym this evening and taking a swim and working out legs.

There are twelve weeks until the Marathon. While I'm still not ready to commit and say I'm doing it, I'm trying to stick with a schedule.

This is what I'm planning on doing next week:

Monday: 7 miles
Tuesday: Eliptical
Wednesday: 3 miles
Thursday: 5 miles
Friday: 3 miles
Saturday: Rest
Sunday: 2-3 miles

Confusion

I wish I understood the Polish Girl. I've had a crush on her for a couple of years now, something I'm sure she's aware of. It seems she does whatever is in her power to keep me just enough intrigued to not lose the crush, but just enough at a distance so I know nothing could ever happen with her.

Take Friday, for example. She meets up with some friends and me after work. We head to Red Star, and have a good time, but nothing special. On the way home, dropping her off, she begs me to take her to Kelly's. I'm tired and don't want to drink any more, but she begs and begs, saying that she and I will share a beer and watch karaoke. We go there, share a Bass Ale, and watch some hilarious karaoke. Then she wants to go home, all of a sudden. She's putting her hands all over me. On the way back to the car, we pass Kisling's, and she begs to go in there. It's 1:30am, and she has to work at 8am. I don't want to go, I'm exhausted. We decide not to go. For our goodbye, she gives me a platonic kiss and a hug, but there's nothing back on her end that suggests she wants anything else. In fact, there's a bit of standoffishness.

The next day, she has a bag of food for me, since she knows I don't get paid in the summer. She's filled a bag of macaroni and cheese packages and hot chocolate, designed to get me through the summer. I'm speechless and don't know what to say besides Thank You.

She asks me to come to her bar after work to hang out. I go, and she pretty much ignores me.

I don't get it. She's a good friend now, but I'd like to be more, and she knows it. She's got this new Scarlett Johanson haircut that makes her, somehow, more beautiful than she was before. She's quit smoking, eliminating what is an instant turnoff for me for most girls, though it wasn't for her. She works out everyday now, and even though she's slender and I never would have thought of her as either athletic or needing to work out, this has made her more attractive. I've always sort of had the fantasy of training with a girlfriend, something that I see couples doing at the gym often.

She's also still married, which is another story altogether. And her time in the US is tenuous at best. But she's one of those girls that I can verbally spar with without a problem, something that I immediately look for in a female. And, of course, she's drop dead gorgeous.

I'm having coffee with her tonight.

Car hit

It's not fun to wake up to the pounding of the neighbor kid's fist on your door informing you that your car has been hit. It's not fun to stand in the rain, surmising the damage and taking pictures and waiting for the police. But it could have been a lot worse. Someone could have been hurt. Or I could have owned the white car that got the brunt of the damage, or the Escapade that took a bit more damage than mine. My Grand Am was the third car hit; the other two cars took most of the impact. It could have been hit by someone who drove off from the scene instead of a pleasantly mannered lady who just ashamedly admitted she hydroplaned in her car. I might not have had her around to help me with taking pictures and telling me exactly you're supposed to do when something like this happens; it could have been the last roommate I had, who did things like scream indecipherable messages on my voice mail when something bad happened. So, all in all, it could have been worse. My car is driveable, just banged up. I have an appointment with the lady's insurance company to look at it on Monday morning. I have some faith that everything will work out and even when it has to go in for service to get undented, that it won't take long. We'll see.

I still wish that, after taking a long hot shower after it all happened and going back to bed because I couldn't find any towels and it just looked so warm there, that it had all gone away by the time I had awakened. It didn't. In my light sleep, I heard neighbor after neighbor wake up and find themselves in shock over the damage. This is the first time this has happened in the four years I've lived here. You'd think that the moderately busy road would have more of this. But, it's not that bad. No one hurt, everyone is insured. Could be worse.

Faith rocked

I missed all the news today, only now just returning home to find out what happened. I was lost in a world of Don Quixote and pierogies, and, frankly, I'd rather be there with the $28 of tips I made today and not in front of the computer screen reading all about it right now.

The reason I became a teacher had a lot to do with my faith in humans and human nature. I believe that people are born good, and that it's the world that makes them bad. If I can get in there and help make that world a little bit better for them, especially for kids whose worlds are presenting obstacle after obstacle, then I'm happy. I teach many kids who live in the deepest ghettos in a city that sees 200 gun deaths of young black men every year, of a city some of the highest addiction, imprisonment, and disease rates in the country, and these kids come to my school expecting to find a path through, or a path away. Some of them don't find it, but most of them do, and my job is to provide a little light. To do my job, I've got to believe that every kid who walks into my door has been granted a basic goodness that I've just got to use to help them succeed. I don't think I'd be a very good teacher, particularly a good teacher in an area with some rough kids, if I didn't believe that everyone has this sense of goodness in them. This optimism in human nature is who I am, and it always has been, which is why I don't have much of a tolerance for cynicism. And it's also why shit like what happened in London yesterday just rocks me to my core. How could someone make the decision to set up bombs on major transportation systems and decide to kill as many innocent people as possible? I know my reactions are not unique, but for someone like me that does believe that people are inherently good, it threatens my belief system. I don't have much faith in religion of any sort, but I have a deep faith in humanity, and, damn, it's being tested a bit today. I know that Bob Ewell evil exists, but, like Atticus, I just don't want to believe it. I want to believe that evil comes mistreatment, like Mayella's, or from something else. The concept of evil in human beings is a difficult one to grasp, and seeing it in action stupefies me.

There's a line in Hotel Rwanda - a movie that I really should own, it's so good - that says when people see suffering in other countries, they say how horrible it is and then they turn off the TV and go back to eating dinner. Sadly, I'm going to do the same. I wish there was something else to do, but I know of nothing. It's just so frustrating to me that as great as the human race can be, that as many brilliant minds that we have, that as much greatness comes out of us a collective world, that we can't figure out how to live with other peacefully. It's naive of me to think so, but it just blows my mind.

Don Quixote

Tomorrow, my race to finish Don Quixote against my friend Zack begins. He started it on Wednesday so he is giving me a two-day handicap. I just bought the new Edith Grossman translation with a Don Bloom introduction, and I'm primed and ready to go. We figure it will take two to three weeks to read. However, I'm hoping to get this knocked out by July 15. I'm going to act dumb, like I'm not keeping up at all, and then spring it on him that I'm finished. He's already trashtalking so I'm going to get him back by being stealthy.

It's one of those books I've always wanted to read, a little bit because people have called me "quixotic" before, so that made me curious about the origin of that word. Bloom calls the book the quientessential novel, something that everyone should read and that all novelists pay homage to. Faulkner used to read it every single year. I hope I can do it without missing too much or losing focus.

Tomorrow I work 10-5 at the restaurant, and will be reading nearly the entire time. Unless we're busy, which I would prefer. I thought about making fliers so I might be able to have some tables, but I found out I was working too late. I'll probably get two tables and make $15. But it will be relaxing. And there's always the chance that we'll get a little lunch pop, or that two priests will leave me $96 on a $50 bill (this happened to Polish Girl two Wednesdays ago).

I'm going to do my long run in the morning, a first. We'll see how that goes. I think tomorrow is a four-mile jaunt; I've got to double check my schedule.

Fell's War of the Vegetarian Reubens

Such a great day. Nowhere to be, no commitments, no time limits. I started the day off with a trip to school to try to get my reimbursement for my New Mexico trip. I'm sure that will be quite a feat to get considering the person I have to find, so this first stab at it was not successful. The big news, though, is that I heard the new principal in his office. I guess he's there now. I hope he's good. I didn't go in and introduce myself because he was in a meeting, but I'm hopeful and am glad he's starting in July. The guy they hired last year didn't start until the end of August.

I've been toying with the idea of writing a nicely-worded manifesto to him telling him what I think all the issues with the school are. I feel like if the last guy had it, it could have helped. I mean, the school is so close to being a great school, and it just needs a couple of things instituted. I'm cautiously optimistic.

After going to school, I headed rather aimlessly to Fell's Point. I needed a phone number of a co-worker at the restaurant, and, while I could have just called, I decided to stop in; after all, the Polish girl was working. I got the number and hung out for a bit, then took a nice walk around Fell's Point, something I've rarely done in daylight hours. It was beautiful. The weather was great and everyone on the street seemed to be in a good mood. I had $7 in cash on me and I stopped at Liquid Earth on Aliceanna Street. They make the best vegetarian reuben known to man; I cannot believe how good this sandwich is. I stopped and ate, reading the City Paper. Afterwards, I stopped at Soundgarden. I was going to buy the new Common CD if it was under $10, but it was $12.99 and there were no used copies so I decided against it. I probably shouldn't be spending money right now anyway. I then walked back to the car, and head to the gym, where I had a great workout.

I walked into the movie theater out there in White Marsh after my workout at 2:55. The next showing of Batman Begins wasn't until 3:50, and the next showing of Rize wasn't until 4:10. Luckily, War of the World was on at 3:00, so I saw that.

I liked it, for the most part. My biggest problem was Tom Cruise. I've been a constant defender of him in the past. For one, I think it sucks when people make guesses about a person's sexuality, trying to "out" them or whatever, so I think the press's and people's discussion of that is crummy. Plus, I just think the man makes good movies. I mean, if you go to his IMDB Page, you'll see the guy rarely makes a mistake (in fairness, I have not seen The Last Samurai). No, he's not the greatest actor in the world, but he's certainly showed more of a willingness to stretch than, say, Mel Gibson or Harrison Ford - his turn in Magnolia, for example. And, year after year, he's shown he knows how to choose scripts, and I'd definitely count movies like Rain Man, A Few Good Man, Jerry Maguire, Vanilla Sky and even Minority Report and of course Magnolia as good to great films.

That being said, he's annoyed the crap out of me lately. I share pretty much everyone else's opinion that the guy's off his rocker, and, while I don't think his relationship with Katie Holmes is all that weird (for my money, she's hotter than Nicole Kidman, mostly because, to be fair, Kidman would intimidate the hell out of me and Holmes has this feisty vulnerability that I'm really attracted to. [Re: The Polish Girl]), his argument with Matt Lauer and all the scientology stuff is really overwhelmingly strange. Plus, he really is coming off as an insincere asshole lately. So seeing him and his pearly whites onstage, trying to play a working class slob, was distracting, and I never felt like I was watching anything other than Tom Cruise fighting aliens. This is something that I've heard other people complain about with Tom Cruise, and I guess he just hit that overexposure moment with me. And, damn, those kids sure were annoying. I was definitely rooting for the aliens to get Dakota Fanning. The last disappointment in the film is the falling action scene (English teacher word there), which shows that while we think Cruise's character has made some sacrifices, he really hasn't.

That being said, cool effects, and many scenes were genuinely scary.

After the movie, I worked out again (cardio this time), then came home, where I'm seeing the Tigers beat up on the Indians. I thought about doing some porch-sitting this afternoon, but Jeremy Bonderman is pitching, and there are few things more pleasurable in baseball right now for me than seeing Bonderman pitch. He is the hope for the future, and tonight he's going to get his eleventh win. Hope that didn't jinx him.