Hard times

I was supposed to get together with the rest of the 9th grade team today for a dinner meeting, during which we were supposed to complete a bullshit assignment that we have burdened with. At the last minute, I realized that I had double-booked, and that I had promised my 9th grade film club a showing of The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman. I cancelled the meeting.

While the movie was on, I ran downstairs to get some water - since no water gets delivered to our floor anymore - and ran into two guidance counselors. Older black ladies, they both greeted me with big smiles. One of them said, "I've been talking to your students this year. Hearing lots and lots of good things!" The other said, "You've been with us five years now, huh? Five years, imagine that. Now you're an old hat, like us." After a few more pleasantries, we parted ways.

I needed the conversation, and was glad that I resisted the urge to tell her that this is perhaps the worst it's been in those five years. I didn't tell her that I often leave work wanting to scream into somebody's face. I didn't tell her that, for the first time in my five years there, I feel like we're being tainted with the mediocrity that envelopes other schools in the system. For a long time, it was as if we were being led by people that told the folks that run the system that, no, we're not going to do that. Now, we're doing those things.

These are things I think to myself lately when my boss comes and asks me to do things:

1. If you want me to post student work, get me a classroom.
2. No.
3. Fuck you.
4. Aughhhhh.
5. Where in my contract does it say I have to do that?
6. Do you work yourself.
7. I refuse to put up with any more bullshit. I want to teach my kids and that's it.

However, all I say is "okay." Then I get behind on grading and get stressed out.

I need a break. I need about a month off right about now.

I'm school shopping. Have no idea what I'm looking for or even where, but I'm looking. I bet Chicago is nice this time of year.

And it's only Wednesday.