Fight

I'm embroiled in a bitter fight with my parents, mostly my dad. I'm upset about it. Being in a fight with my parents makes me feel lonelier than I usually feel. Even though I'm far from them, it's nice to know that they're always there in my corner, and now it feels like he is not. I don't know how to get out of the fight, because I'm not sorry for anything I've said, and I don't think he is either. In fact, I'm still pretty furious about it all.

This is part of what my mom e-mailed today: "One thing I've learned over the years is to stay out of Dads arguments because my 2 cents usually makes things worse. I also know how proud he is of you and how much he loves you. Your letter hit him hard. He is keeping track of all our money issues because he is worried about our finances--seems silly and maybe unrealistic to you but in 10 years we better know what we are doing financially . He gets no social security because he worked for the state and they don't pay social security taxes. My income is pitiful. I could earn more working at a factory but at least it is rewarding. He was raised to keep close records of everything--never to charge things and it is even hard for him to take out a car loann. Enuf of that. When Dad comes up with these things just try to understand that his parents came to this country not knowing English and with no money. He was raised entirely different than you or even me. I beleive he is very hurt right now so please don't be so hard on him. "

Sad. I'm not sure why she's telling me about the financial records. There was a small part of the last letter where I told him I was feeling like just another bill to be paid. I've never missed a payment to him for the money I owed him, but a few have been late. Like, a few days late - like my rent always is, which is the only other bill I pay with a mailed check rather than the Internet. I finally found out it bugged him, so I made sure to get this month's in the mail on the 22nd - a day before I got my first paycheck on the 23rd. I even told him right when I mailed it because I happened to be on the phone with him.

I had no idea until I talked with him last Thursday that he didn't get it. In fact, he still hasn't gotten it. I immediately sent out another one, which he has gotten, and apologized profusely, but his reaction - not telling me he didn't get it, yelling at me, cruel words, then refusing to speak with me - have made me very, very angry and upset. He didn't believe me, which infuriates me, and I feel like he's treating me like he is a debt collector. I will admit that this feels like it's worse than any fight we've ever had. I have no idea right now how to extricate myself from it. The fight feels like it has control over me.