Confusion

I wish I understood the Polish Girl. I've had a crush on her for a couple of years now, something I'm sure she's aware of. It seems she does whatever is in her power to keep me just enough intrigued to not lose the crush, but just enough at a distance so I know nothing could ever happen with her.

Take Friday, for example. She meets up with some friends and me after work. We head to Red Star, and have a good time, but nothing special. On the way home, dropping her off, she begs me to take her to Kelly's. I'm tired and don't want to drink any more, but she begs and begs, saying that she and I will share a beer and watch karaoke. We go there, share a Bass Ale, and watch some hilarious karaoke. Then she wants to go home, all of a sudden. She's putting her hands all over me. On the way back to the car, we pass Kisling's, and she begs to go in there. It's 1:30am, and she has to work at 8am. I don't want to go, I'm exhausted. We decide not to go. For our goodbye, she gives me a platonic kiss and a hug, but there's nothing back on her end that suggests she wants anything else. In fact, there's a bit of standoffishness.

The next day, she has a bag of food for me, since she knows I don't get paid in the summer. She's filled a bag of macaroni and cheese packages and hot chocolate, designed to get me through the summer. I'm speechless and don't know what to say besides Thank You.

She asks me to come to her bar after work to hang out. I go, and she pretty much ignores me.

I don't get it. She's a good friend now, but I'd like to be more, and she knows it. She's got this new Scarlett Johanson haircut that makes her, somehow, more beautiful than she was before. She's quit smoking, eliminating what is an instant turnoff for me for most girls, though it wasn't for her. She works out everyday now, and even though she's slender and I never would have thought of her as either athletic or needing to work out, this has made her more attractive. I've always sort of had the fantasy of training with a girlfriend, something that I see couples doing at the gym often.

She's also still married, which is another story altogether. And her time in the US is tenuous at best. But she's one of those girls that I can verbally spar with without a problem, something that I immediately look for in a female. And, of course, she's drop dead gorgeous.

I'm having coffee with her tonight.