Thoughts running through my head at the Annual Father Lecture About Money:
1. My gosh, I didn't even ask him for a loan. Why am I getting this again?
2. Ah... it's complaining to mom that I'm broke after my car wreck.
3. What? He's criticizing me for visiting grandma and grandpa over spring break?
4. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
5. In the two years since the big loan, I have never missed a monthly payment. However, I have only gotten the payment to him on time 9 times in 24. Now, for nearly every one of those times, it's been post-marked by the 15th, but has not been received on time. This is apparently a big deal. "Because a person's word means something."
6. I wish he had given me financial lectures when I was 18, before I got any credit cards. Now I'm 28, and learning financial responsibility when I'm 28 from my dad when I've learned it on my own the hard way just sort of sucks. He's trying to make up for lost time.
7. During the school year, I take home $2200 a month, and pay $1741 a month in bills that I can't get out of (BGE, rent, car, car insurance, student loan, phone, renter's insurance, water), the only luxury bill being the $18/month for DSL. With the $459 I have left every month, I saved $200 for the summer, $50 for savings, and $159 for spending money. I think I've been pretty good about this now for two years. I use the restaurant money making tips as extra payments on the car or the student loans.
8. When I bring that up, he says that he doesn't care. I need to get the monthly money to him on time. The 15th every month.
9. I don't understand why it's such a big deal. He'd be a lot happier if he didn't get bent out of shape for the little things like that.
10. He doens't like it when I tell him that.
11. I then tell him that being financially responsible in 2005 isn't about putting a check in the mail and making sure the mail service gets there on time. It's about being able to move funds directly from your account to the bills online. If he'd just make it so I could do that, I'd be fine getting the payments on time.
12. Is that a tear? Stop it, you pussy. Something about lectures from dad always make me teary. Can't let it happen.
13. I can't believe he's doing this. I've never missed a payment. He wants me to be able to own something someday. At least we're on the same page there.
14. This sucks. Can I go now?
15. No, dad, I don't feel like hanging out with your friends right now. See you later.
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11 comments:
I envy you in that you only get the lecture annually!
IGNORE it. Either that, or always get the money to him so that it arrives by the 15th, because then you'll both be happy. But if that's too hard (which it may be) or if you don't particularly think that should matter, then just ignore it if it's going to make you feel bad. Like you said about how he would be happier if he didn't worry about this stuff, think about how you would be happier if you didn't let yourself get upset about this. Right? If you think he's got a point, then feel bad about it momentarily and try to fix it and then move on. If you don't think he's got a point, then don't let yourself think about this anymore because instead of just him punishing you, now you're doing it to yourself too.
It sounds to me like your father has some control issues. If it wasn't the loan it would be something else. For the most part his behavior is out of your circle. Pay that loan off as quickly as possible. Then you won't have to rely on him anymore, and can get some peace of mind.
If you're confident that you will have the $$ in the bank each month, write a check for each month in the next year, signed, and appropriately dated. Leave the stack of checks with him. Now he has checks for the next year already there, ready to put in the bank on the 15th of each month. He can no longer complain. (This is an old trick that has worked for me in the past, because I do everything online and usually forget about mailing things out.)
what jennetic said.
Ah parents, what a pain in the butt! Hang in there.
Start getting the payments to him before the 15th, then he won't have anything to bitch about. If he continues after you've made the payments when he wants them, then just get up and walk out of the room. You're 28, not 12. ALSO, all bill collectors will let you change your date of payment if it's inconvenient -- so put in a formal request to change your payment to the 21st, or whatever, and tell him if he wants to be a bank rather than a father, you'll treat him like one.
I am amazed at your budgeting, and that is all you make in the city. Don't high school teachers make more money than elementry? I was making that my first year and if I had stayed, I would be making $40000+ with my masters.
Do you typically get a big tax refund? Maybe you're having too much money withheld. I have an idea of what you make, and it seems as though you should have more take-home. You might want to change your withholdings.
Good luck. My family is so broke that even if I needed to borrow from them, I couldn't. So I get different kind of lectures....
Thanks everyone for the comments.
A couple of quick things:
I've tried the 12 checks idea. Unfortunately, my dad doesn't think I'd learn "financial responsibility" this way. He wants it in the mail every month.
Rachel, I make about $40K, but it's $2200 a month takehome (assuming two paychecks a month, knowing that twice a year I actually get three). High school teachers do not make more than elementary. And, I do not have a Master's.
Paula, I got zero tax refund last year, but it was because of the second job. I'd gotten about $2K the year before. I just claim zero for dependents. Not sure if I should change that.
I happened upon your blog today and thought I would let you know how much I feel your financial pain.
I only happened upon your blog, however, because one of my best friends can't seem to remember the name of mine so she always googles me under the parameters "andrea baltimore cvp blog" and yesterday, your blog came up on the google results before mine did. I thought that was amusing.
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